Do/will you reason with your child?

k&a521

This is a spin off of the UO thread on the Feb 12 month board. About 6 posts down, there is a poster that says she doesn't believe in reasoning with children because parents are the law. Although I agree that the parent is the final say, I believe a certain amount of reasoning can influence your child's reasoning skills, as well as possibly preventing tantrums. Maybe I'm overthinking this, but I feel like NOT reasoning with your kids and things like "because I said so" are ways to encourage MORE rebellion. Feel free to flame if this sounds totally stupid

steph141

I say it depends on the age.  As the kids get older, I reason with them a LOT more than when they were younger.  I just don't see how you can reason with a 2 to a 4 year old. 

OregonPachey

I try to.  He is still young to understand the concept but it is my parenting style.

leslie13510

I absolutely do, assuming that they're not so far into a tantrum that they can't reason anymore.  They get plenty of choices, I explain to them why they can and can't do certain things, and their opinions are important to me.  Obviously I'm not going to try and reason with them when they're kicking and screaming on the floor, but if everything is calm, then sure.  I don't get why you wouldn't. 

leslie13510

steph141:

I say it depends on the age.  As the kids get older, I reason with them a LOT more than when they were younger.  I just don't see how you can reason with a 2 to a 4 year old. 

You can easily reason with a 2 year old, if it's a calm situation.  Obviously they're not going to understand the deep meanings of life lessons or whatever, but they get simple explanations at this age.  In my experience saying things like, "We can't yell at the table because it's very loud and upsets all of our friends around us," (at a restaurant for example) is handled a lot better by my kids than, "Because I said stop yelling, so stop!" 

joanithegreat

I reason with my nephew sometimes.    He is 3.5 and I have noticed that when he is throwing a tantrum he just gets more upset if I yell.  If I get down on my knees and explain to him what I want him to do, or ask him to choose between two choices, he calms down quicker and is easier to deal with. 

 

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greenclown

I already reason with TLF even though he has no clue wtf I'm talking about. It wasn't a conscious decision. I guess it's just how I am.

DrBeepersWife

It depends on the age and situation. 

My SIL, over reasons with her child and it drives me nuts.  Mainly because she is a horribly spoiled/undisciplined child.  She is constantly repeating herself and her DD knows better and knows she shouldn't be doing it, but does it anyways.

There comes a point, when I say "no,"  I mean it and I don't necessarily owe an explaination every time.

armandos_girl

I reason with Gabe all day long. I learned awhile ago that he just responds better if I reason with him than if I order him to do something. Besides, I want him to think about why and what he is doing, not just go along with something someone told him because they are an adult and he is a kid.

magdalina.h

I believe that I will try to. He is a human and will need the skills to make his own decisions.

Alex17

leslie13510:

steph141:

I say it depends on the age.  As the kids get older, I reason with them a LOT more than when they were younger.  I just don't see how you can reason with a 2 to a 4 year old. 

You can easily reason with a 2 year old, if it's a calm situation.  Obviously they're not going to understand the deep meanings of life lessons or whatever, but they get simple explanations at this age.  In my experience saying things like, "We can't yell at the table because it's very loud and upsets all of our friends around us," (at a restaurant for example) is handled a lot better by my kids than, "Because I said stop yelling, so stop!" 

As usual, I agree with leslie.

 

CamJack mom

It depends on the the child. I do not reason with my children, however I do give them a valid reason and sometimes that reason is "because I said so". In other words, I will not debate with a child why he must follow my rules, however I will tell him that the reason the rule exists i.e. bring disrespectful, you might get hurt, etc. 

 

However, "Why do I have to do my homework now, why can't I wait til after dinner?" ANSWER "Because I said so!!!!"

kingspin11

 Nope, no reasoning here. I'm the big,bad, boss mom.

swimrbride

All the time. Our big one right now is holding hands when we are in public. I tell him he can choose to walk and hold a hand or be carried. If he tries to walk with out a holding a hand we tell him there are too many people so he has to hold a hand or be carried. He defintely gets it at 18 months so I see no reason not to use reasoning and choices.

BallSox

There are some things and some times that I will reason.  However, there also things that I will not negotiate.  I think that kids need to learn that there are somethings that you can't barter for.  For example, I hear parents bribe kids to wear their coats---in January---in -10 windchill.  Yeah, this is when you tell your kid:  "It's cold out, this isn't a want-to, this is a have-to and you have-to wear your coat".  

I told H (when we started the ttc talk) never to promise or threaten anything he can't or won't deliver on.