Can someone help me make the screaming stop?

epphd

Ugh, I know it's normal; I know he's just exploring the volume of his voice and experimenting with cause and effect but lord help me - it's awful!

Sam has discovered his voice can be a weapon. Case in point - we went to (what I think is our last) dinner out on Saturday night, and two minutes after being put into the highchair - and this was immediately following a two hour nap - Sam said he was done. He says "done, done!"  But of course, we weren't done.  We had snacks, crayons, a cup of milk, but he was done.

After saying that we have dinner coming, attempting lots of distractions etc, he decided to scream at the top of his lungs. Our tactic at home is to say "I don't understand screaming" and then to ignore entirely.  At a restaurant - not so much.  Unfortunately to not ruin others' experience, I had to get him up and take him outside - JUST what he wanted.

Obviously that's not something to repeat so we won't be doing dinner out for a while!

But at home or worse, in the car, sometimes he just SCREAMS.  I can tell that it's often to get our attention or to protest, but sometimes I think he's just got to get the screamies out.

So what to do?  Ignoring is one option but it's not exactly working immediately   I also sometimes ask if he can use his words or signs if he wants something. That can sometimes help. 

Anyway - I suspect it's normal and a phase but it is so obnoxious.  And perhaps worse, it sets DH on edge immediately to the extent he can't be patient and objective (which he usually is), and then just wants to give timeouts for every minor offense. (I am trying to get him to understand that mirroring Sam's emotions is not going to help anyone).

All suggestions welcome!

 

mrsolsenk12

I remember that phase, not fun. What i would do was if he started to scream, i would say "shhh no screaming". I would also put my finger to my lips. Over time (maybe a week or two) of doing this if i said "shhh", he would automatically put his finger to his lips and say "shhh" (and as he got older he would say "no screaming" ) then talk in a quieter voice. I still use this from time to time if he gets excited and forgets.

GuitaristsGirl

Ooooh, stalking this post as we've been dealing with the same thing! 

If he's yelling just for "fun" (which he does often and thinks is hysterical) two things we've tried are 1) putting our hands over our ears and saying, "too loud, too loud, that hurts mommy's ears!" - for some reason that sometimes works, and 2) just a few days ago we started whispering as if it's a game.  He'd yell (playfully) and we'd respond in a stage whisper.  He started trying to mimic us, so we kept it up for fun!  Other times during the day we'd talk in a silly growl or something, and encourage him to mimic that as well. . . my hope is that, in a restaurant or etc., if we start whispering at him he might follow suit. . . ??!?!?!  Fingers crossed!! 

But, if he's yelling because he's pissed (such as wanting to get up in a restaurant) - we also encourage him to use his words/ signs, etc., everything else you described, but I'm afraid we'd probably end up taking him outside as you did

SeaSoul

One thing we used to do, especially when he was younger, was challenge him to whisper instead of scream.  "Can you say, 'woohoo!' instead?"  (in a soft or whisper voice).  Whispering seems to get their attention and make them interested in attempting the same.

That's all I got for now!

ETA:  Another thing we tried recently, thanks to my sister, was to talk about "turning the volume down" (complete with hand motions) in certain places...but that works better, I think, when it's fun/happy screaming.

superned

I can totally see myself getting irritated with that too!

When I was working with young children I would always do what you mentioned - ask them to use their words (signs) to tell me what they need.

If the screaming continued, I would say, "Screaming hurts my ears.  We can scream when we go outside, but please do not scream in the house/car/restaurant."  I try to emphasize that screaming inside is hurtful, but that I understand it's something they need/want to do and can be done outside.

Then I would try to engage them in another kind of play with their voices - singing or making silly (more quiet) noises or counting.  Or even just getting them to start a "conversation" (as much as they could) with me and to model an "inside voice."

And then, of course, providing time to scream when they are outside or in a room by themselves!

krissyh21

mrsolsenk12:

I remember that phase, not fun. What i would do was if he started to scream, i would say "shhh no screaming". I would also put my finger to my lips. Over time (maybe a week or two) of doing this if i said "shhh", he would automatically put his finger to his lips and say "shhh" (and as he got older he would say "no screaming" ) then talk in a quieter voice. I still use this from time to time if he gets excited and forgets.

I did something similar to that. After shh I would whisper really low and ask him if he could hear me. Then he tries to whisper back (at least he talks a lot lower). It is kind of like a game now - he even says "shh" to the dog if she is barking loud.

lnle

ugh. I feel your pain. They like to scream in unison in their high chairs, just for fun, giggling in between screams. I will say that I prefer their "this is fun" screaming to their "I'm really mad screaming" though!

Dr.Loretta

DD did it for a while because she can't talk yet and that was her way of letting us know she wanted something. I used a combination of asking her what she wanted, spinning her high chair toward the wall when she did it for fun, and giving her a timeout (after a warning) if she was doing it just to piss me off. Those were the times she would look right at me, take in a lungful of air, and scream in my face. I could usually tell which scream it was at any given time.

IMO you did fine at the restaurant. We're giving up on them for a while as DD has gone from screaming to throwing. Not good.

dundasgirl

I tell the kids to use their "inside voices" and whisper to them when I need them to be quiet.  Sometimes it works, other times we have to leave, and if we can't leave, I bribe them with raisins.  LOL

It can be hilarious when they are really excited to see someone.  We hardly ever go out to eat.  I try to avoid situations that I know are going to be overwhelming/unpleasant for me:)  The upside = it saves us money!

 

beebe929

I so feel ya!  But I have echo going on, one screams... the other screams louder!!!

I want to run away!!

I don't know how to fix it other than calming saying STFU!!

 

laura1

My DS had a phase where he did this everytime we tried to go to the grocery store/target.  I would tell him to stop or we would have to leave, but that is what he wanted to happen anyways, so it wasn't very effective.

What has worked at the grocery store is to scan my own groceries and let him help by holding the scanner gun and pressing the yellow button - so basically "helping" and doing something totally new and exciting.  At Target, I go to the book section and give him a new book to hold and read while we are in the store.  Once we are done, he is usually done with the book so it isn't an issue that we don't buy it.  Maybe you could bring something new with you when you go out to distract him?

And we talk constantly about how screaming and loud voices are for outside and quiet voices are for inside.  It took a LONG time for that one to work, but now, when we go outside, he sometimes just starts yelling for no reason because loud voices are allowed outside.  

LucyPevensie

One of my favorite Pittsburgh restaurants that we often take Jack to is called Mad Mex.  They play really loud, rockin' music (not so loud that it would be ridiculous to take a child there, but loud enough to make it a kind of noisy place before we even set foot in the door.)  Drowns out any excess noise we might be making at our table, LOL! 

I'm sorry mama.  Hopefully it is just a short lived phase!

 

brideinOC

I like a lot of the suggestions.  Here's a suggestion, too.  Claire does not do as well eating at restaurants during dinner time.  She's usually had a long day and is not very patient.  On weekends and when we were on vacation, we tried to make lunch at a restaurant our main meal.  She did better during lunchtime despite the fact that nap time is a short time away.  We have ordered dinner and asked to have many meals boxed up before they were ever brought to the table. 

epphd

Thanks everyone.  We used to eat out with Sam a lot and he was always very good - I do think this is a phase and I do think that not going out for a while is just fine.  I'll try some of the suggestions and I will also keep telling myself that it will pass  

 

dusk42

We try to either find out what she wants or distract her with something she wants.  She is a super myna bird now, so a lot of times, we can get her to stop screaming by having her repeat words.  We start with easy ones she is good at and move up.  Usually she forgets about screaming soon.