How are you and DH/SO doing?

jennz201

I am due in a couple of months and am really concerned about how my relationship with DH will change. I would love to know how you ladies are doing with your DHs? Are they helping out? Are you getting along? Thank you for your answers and congrats on your little ones!

laurakaz13

We are great!  We've battled through the sleep deprivation and first time parenting together, and we've really taken it in stride. 

I am lucky in that my husband is an equal partner.  We both contribute to all areas of our household and baby care.  When I was EBFing, he would handle all baths and diaper changes, etc.  Now that we have bottles introduced, we both share the feeding duty as well. 

During the first months (I had 12 weeks maternity leave), he would get up for any feedings before midnight and I would sleep.  Then I would take all feedings after midnight.  It worked well and allowed us both to get some sleep. 

Once our parents started visiting and staying with us, we took at least one date night a week to just be together.  That is very important.  Trust me, you can leave your baby for a few hours to go spend time with your DH.  So if you have the opportunity, I think it's important for the marriage. 

Also, don't forget to laugh.  There were times when we couldn't figure out what to do with our screaming baby.  But we would just look at each other and laugh and say, "It won't be like this for long!"  Good luck.. 

laurakaz13

Oh, and I should tell you that I am even more in love with him than I ever have been, after seeing what an amazing dad he is. :-)

RunningMom08

We are doing really well. DH is military so it has been a little stressful waiting for him to come home and give me a little bit of relief. We have been talking openly and making sure we don't take our stresses out on each other. I have been able to communicate with him when I'm frustrated due to lack of sleep and the baby crying. We have had a lot of fun together with DS as well.

bunnyb0611

Exhausted, but beyond happy.  I always imagined DH being a great dad, and he amazes me.  Our LO has her dad wrapped around her tiny  finger. 

I only wish he wasn't so busy with work, but that tends to happen when you have three big cases all blow up at once two weeks after your wife gives birth.  He's burning both ends of the candle, but still amazing.

Words cannot describe how wonderful, exhausting, frustrating, thrilling, etc etc it all is.  You are in for such a great time!  And, PP was right- laugh!  You can get mad at projectile poop or laugh at it while it hits your face and you have to clean the carpet.  Its funny, so laugh.  Getting upset just makes it bad for everyone.  Laughing helps so much. 

LadyLissame

MH and I are separating. Between his affair while I was pregnant and the lies he has been telling me since, I am not sure we can work unless he changes. 

angiekillaire

i had a bit of a hard time the first week LO was home. along with the baby blues i did miss our old life, as happy i was to be a mom its a big change. i missed cuddling with DH in the morning and those types of couple things. after the first week, once i got adjusted to our new lives, its been awsome. my DH is an exellent dad and i'm so lucky to have him. our relationship has definetly changed, but for the better. i admire him for the type of father he is and i know he feel the same way about me as a mother. its a great partnership, which had brought us closer, and theres no one else in the world i would want to do this with .  i did feel very guilty the first week for how i felt. just know its normal to miss how it used to be and you're hormons will make it much worse.  i couldn't be happyer with my life now.

katie4253

Our relationship is super, which is saying a lot.  We've been through a lot in the last 3.5 months.

My baby was 9 weeks early and was in the hospital for 6 weeks.  It was incredibly hard for both of us emotionally.  We talked very openly about everything and he was my rock.  

When he came home we found out my job was drastically changing.  We made the very difficult decision for me to resign.  About that same time I didn't get my dream job (that I'd applied for when LO was in the NICU).  It was a crushing blow emotionally for me. Again, he has been so supportive.

I am currently a SAHM looking for a job.  

I am 100% not where I thought I'd be about 4 months ago.  It has been really hard.  Thankfully, H is wonderful.  

 

TanyaKM

My relationship with DH is better than ever. I fall in love with him all over again seeing what a wonderful father he is... he is totally involved with caring for LO and so we are equally shouldering the responsibility. He is such a huge help!

SarahKate31

We're doing really well. DH is really involved and helpful with the baby (except for middle of the night stuff). I was overwhelmed with how much he did and how much he took care of ME in the first couple of weeks after LO was born. We are pretty much the same as we were before LO, just now we have a whole sh!tton more responsibilities and obviously LO is at the top of the priority list. We're tired and we both wish we had more time to relax, but we spend time together everyday and it's getting easier as we get into a routine.

SarahRae812

Our challenges have evolved as DD has grown. The first 4 weeks were tough b/c DH was coaching the local swim team, so he had to be at practice by 7:30 every morning. This meant I was on my own late at night. I was extremely frustrated & resentful at the time, but, in the long run, it has been good. I now know how to calm DD very quickly when she wakes up at night. It also forced me to learn about how babies sleep and how to maximize their sleep. (PSA: The No Cry Sleep Solution was very helpful!)

After the swim season ended, DH was around much more and was able to help out at night. Since we are EBFing, it was mostly moral support. He likes to play with DD on her play mat and sing silly songs to her. It took a while for him to get comfortable changing diapers b/c he was afraid of her 'girl parts.' He's still not confident enough to bathe her.

Therefore, most of the daily tasks still fall on me.  However, he does a lot to take care of me. If I'm feeding her, he brings me water, snacks, my phone, the remote...whatever I need. He can tell when I'm too frazzled to think about dinner, so he orders food and goes to pick it up. (DH does NOT cook.) He hired a cleaning service that comes once a month. He's also been shielding me from much of the "advice" my MIL & SILs have shared. Much appreciated! He's supported all my hippie-mom ideas and encouraged me to seek out local mommy groups.

We still have a few challenges, especially since DH is starting a new school year and I'll still be home. We've had a couple of date nights, which I would also recommend.  We're also getting more adventurous in taking DD when we go out with friends. That has helped us feel less isolated since none of our friends have kids yet.

Good luck & congrats on your LO as well! 

Kvitale87

We have our good days and bad days. He does help sometimes but he also works alot and I am home alone with LO for 12 or more hours about 4 days a week and it is hard. Then he will come home and either take a nap, which makes me really mad, or  turn his xbox on. I would love to throw the xbox out the window lol. The napping thing only sucks cause he does not wake up at night like I do to take care of DS.

candicem3

We have our good days and bad days. He does help sometimes but he also works alot and I am home alone with LO for 12 or more hours about 4 days a week and it is hard. Then he will come home and either take a nap, which makes me really mad, or turn his xbox on. I would love to throw the xbox out the window lol. The napping thing only sucks cause he does not wake up at night like I do to take care of DS. 

 

Not sure how to paste what a PP said, but this is exactlymy situation except it's his laptop not xbox!!

fcp1234

LadyLissame:

MH and I are separating. Between his affair while I was pregnant and the lies he has been telling me since, I am not sure we can work unless he changes. 

Oh I am so sorry about what you are going through. It must be horrible. I hope everything works out for you. 

ring_pop

I was worried about this too. But honestly, things have been better than ever. While I am DS's primary caregiver, he is mine. He was amazingly supportive through my baby blues, and he's been awesome about keeping up with cooking and cleaning. He's always willing and happy to take DS off my hands if I need a break and sometimes he's the only one who can put DS to sleep.

Mrs. kelli hendry

GREAT! In the very beginning it was very hard but overall has turned out wonderfully. I love watching him with our daughter it's very special. Our LO was born a month early but was able to come home on time with no extra hospital stay however my DH had to work after we came home which was vert very had with no help. He was a little scared holding her to start off with since she was so little and he just started changing diapers, feeding her etc. and she is 3 months old...........lol. He is a great dad and now that she is getting a personality he comes in for lunch and as soon as he gets off work he's playing with her. Life is wonderful and i wouldn't lie that it's tough in the start but once you get the hang of things(both of you) it's amazing. GL!!!!!!!!!!!!

futuremrsmcnichols

After our first child was born, our relationship was great. DH was working a different shift at work so he was around more and able to help out and be involved. We had a schedule worked out so that we could avoid taking DD to daycare, but the down side was that we only had 1 day a week together as a family. Needless to say, DH was very involved in DD#1's care because he was a SAHD for 3 days a week.

Now that #2 has come along, things have changed. We aren't as close as we used to be. We haven't slept in the same bed for I don't know how long, mainly due to his work schedule (he works at night), but on his days off, he usually sleeps in the bed that we have in DD#1's room because she can't be trusted to be in her room alone and we have a first floor master, her room is upstairs. DH just gave DD#2 her first bath just the other night. He will also feed her at times, but it seems like he's always playing some stupid game on his phone when he's feeding her so he's totally not engaged  with her. 

We found out that DD#2 has hearing loss and will probably need a hearing aid and when I try to talk to him about it, he doesn't want to talk. We got a book from our audiologist that is like 170 pages of everything you need to know about hearing loss, I've read it, he hasn't even opened the front page. He works Fri-Sun nights and so I am on my own for the 12 hours he is at work plus the 6-7 hours that he is asleep during the day and just yesterday he was complaining about how the kitchen was messy, the trash needed taken out, etc... I'm sorry, I was too busy taking care of your 2 daughters. And, he informed me that he has 2 fantasy football drafts coming up, one on Thursday night, the other Monday night, so great, I get to be alone with my 2u2 Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday nights, and also Tuesay morning because he has to go in and do office work every Tuesday from 7-11am.

So, yes our relationship has changed, but really only since #2 has come along, after our first, everything was great.

BamBam510

After we had Sam it was great, our relationship reached a new deeper level becaues we became dependent on each other to get through those first few weeks.  My H had the baby blues pretty bad as well as me, so we leaned on eafh other a lot and it brought our relationship to a new level.  He didn't help much with the newborn phase, he was working 7 days a week/12 hr days so he wasn't around much.

 This time around we were better prepared so he didn't get the blues, I did, but am good now.  He doesn't help much with Melanie because he takes care of Sam when he gets home, so he's a big help. 

Just have a talk before hand and discuss the fact that sleep deprivation may make either of you lash out at times (depending on your personality) and just talk about how what you guys say during those 1st couple weeks to take it all in stride and know that you're not angry with each other (usually) just stressed due to the new baby.   You could also check out hte book baby-proofing your marriage, its pretty good.

rose1883

laurakaz13:

Also, don't forget to laugh.  There were times when we couldn't figure out what to do with our screaming baby.  But we would just look at each other and laugh and say, "It won't be like this for long!"  Good luck.. 

This is the best advice I've heard- and so true.  You have to be able to laugh at it, otherwise the stress will drive you crazy- it almost did for me.  DH helped me come back to reality.  IMHO, we're better than ever

kristennd

The two things I've found most helpful to nail down ahead of time are to accept that the house will be a mess for the first few months and to genuinely not care (and to agree on specific plans for the areas you just can't let slide), and to agree that a full-time job is 40 hours per week. Always. So whomever is home alone with the baby during the day deserves just as much of a break at the end of ~8 hours as whomever went to the office.

SoxFan777

laurakaz13:

Oh, and I should tell you that I am even more in love with him than I ever have been, after seeing what an amazing dad he is. :-)

I feel this way, too.  It's been wonderful. 

LadyLissame

fcp1234:

LadyLissame:

MH and I are separating. Between his affair while I was pregnant and the lies he has been telling me since, I am not sure we can work unless he changes. 

Oh I am so sorry about what you are going through. It must be horrible. I hope everything works out for you. 

Thanks. It certainly has not been easy. I just worry about my son in all of this. The stress caused a lot of issues with my pregnancy