Any SAHMs reconsidering? — The Bump
May 2011 Moms

Any SAHMs reconsidering?

I quit my job when my daughter was born, and we decided that I was going to be a SAHM. It's 3 months in, and I really don't think I'll be able to last much longer. Never thought I'd feel this way, but I'm starting to think that my baby going to daycare for a few hours during the day would be better than us being so dirt poor and me feeling like I'm wasting away, both mentally and professionally speaking....

 Any other SAHMs ever reconsidered their choice to be a SAHM? How did you arrive at whatever decision you ultimately made?

daughter born June 2011 via C-Section, son born November 2012 via VBAC

Re: Any SAHMs reconsidering?

  • It has crossed my mind to return to work.  Sometimes I think going to work would be easier than staying at home.  But in regard to my DS, someone once told me, "you'll never get this day back" and when I think about it that way I can't imagine going back to work.  Don't get me wrong, we definitely have to make sacrifices in order to live on one salary, but I know my son won't need me forever so while he does I want to be here for him.  I'm extremely blessed to be able to spend every day with him so for me I wouldn't change it for the world.  Each person is different though, do what feels right for you.  A happy mama = a happy family.  GL!
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  • After numerous conversations, my DH and I decided that I would be returning to work. The decision was to work for another year or so to save up and buy a house so that our LO has a backyard and somewhere other than our apartment to grow up. That being said, my boss may let me stay and work home 2 days a week, which would really give me a great balance.

    Have you thought about just doing something part-time? We had considered that when discussing our options. Maybe that would give you a bit more adult stimulation?

    Either way is a difficult decision, so I wish you luck!

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  • i definitely have not reconsidered, but being at home has been very eye opening to how much work it really is. I work harder now than I did at my salaried, 40hr/wk job.?

    that said, i have a LOT of activities/ministries at the church that keep me really busy. plus this is my dream job, so being poor is totally worth it to me. ?

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  • I think come the 1st of the year I am going to start looking for something.  We are just so tight financially, and we want to buy a bigger house in a year or two, we want to take vacations, etc...that's the kind of stuff we won't be able to do if I stay home.  For me to have stayed at my job would have made no sense though, b/c paying for 2 in daycare would have been my entire salary.  So, I just need to find something making like $10,000 or so more and it would be worth it.
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  • I had a really hard time with this decision. I'm an engineer, and my whole life I'd really only been focused on my career. So, considering if I should put that aspect of my life on the shelf for a while was really scary.

    We've decided, for now at least, that I will work part-time (3 days/week) in my old job. I'm lucky to work for a company that will allow me to do this. I've only been back at work for a few weeks now, but so far I've liked the arrangement well enough. I definitely miss my son during the day, and I hate that I'm missing out on the adorable things he does every day. But, I am enjoying getting out of the house a little and being forced to think about something other than our son for a few hours a week, and the extra money is nice. Our long-term plan is to re-assess in one year. I've promised to give myself at least until the end of the year to let the dust settle and see how the new "normal" really fits before making any more big changes.

    One thing that has been a challenge is that I feel like I'm trying to eat my cake and also have it by working part-time and being a SAHM part-time. I feel like I need to be a perfect mom and a perfect employee. I feel like I need to be getting as much accomplished at my job as I used to be able to do in 40+ hours/week, and also getting as much accomplished at home as I did on maternity leave. Obviously something has to give, though. I'm still struggling with this.

    It's such a personal decision and it depends on so many things. Good luck!

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  • image nde99:
    It has crossed my mind to return to work.  Sometimes I think going to work would be easier than staying at home.  But in regard to my DS, someone once told me, "you'll never get this day back" and when I think about it that way I can't imagine going back to work.  Don't get me wrong, we definitely have to make sacrifices in order to live on one salary, but I know my son won't need me forever so while he does I want to be here for him.  I'm extremely blessed to be able to spend every day with him so for me I wouldn't change it for the world.  Each person is different though, do what feels right for you.  A happy mama = a happy family.  GL!

    You took the words out of my mouth! But when I was pg I said "no way I could stay home, I need adult interaction, get dressed up, go for the occasional happy hour.." How my mind changed! I have not considered it, and if possible I'd never go back...For us it was more out of necessity and it turned out to work for us. But I did get me a pt job at old navy (about 10 hrs a week only) and it gets me out of the house, gives DH a chance to have one-on-one time with DS and my discount at baby gap is 50% ;)

  • Have you considered working from home? I work from home 3 days a week and I bring in about 30-35k a year working part time. I haven't been horribly busy and DH also works from home, so I don't need daycare at this time, which is definitely something I didn't want to have to pay for. I love getting the best of both worlds. I really hate my job sometimes, but it gives me a nice balance of things. 
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  • I'm also a part time working Mom and have similar struggles as PP listed - with feeling like I'm trying to have my cake and eat it too. I'm torn because I'm interviewing for a position that would be a huge step in my career but would also force me to work full time. I'm not sure I'm ready for full time work but also not sure I would be able to pass up the pay raise AND career advancement. It's a lot to think about and I feel like it is happening so incredibly fast.

     

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  • We have decided that I will go back to school full time to get my Masters degree. It won't start for another year, so it's kind of a compromise: it means that I won't be a SAHM for all the years before my daughter (or other future children) starts going to school, but at least I'll have another year or so with this baby before I start full time school and go back into "career" mode. It makes me kind of sad, but our family isn't healthy when I'm feeling like this...the benefits outweigh the downfalls.
    daughter born June 2011 via C-Section, son born November 2012 via VBAC
  • When DD was like 6 weeks old I had a mental break down and was like, "What was I thinking taking a year off from work?!!! I want to go back in September. Maybe I should call and ask?" That thought lasted about 5 minutes.

    I feel like the staying home thing has gotten more enjoyable by the day. I also think the grass is always greener on the other side. When DD is being fussy or won't nap I think it would be easier to be at work, but then I think about all of the effort it would take to get DD ready for day care every day and all of the things I'd miss, and I'm glad I'm home for now.

    I think one saying that rang very true to me was- No one ever said on their death bed, "I wish I would have spent less time with my kids growing up."

  • image kammmmay:
    Have you considered working from home? I work from home 3 days a week and I bring in about 30-35k a year working part time. I haven't been horribly busy and DH also works from home, so I don't need daycare at this time, which is definitely something I didn't want to have to pay for. I love getting the best of both worlds. I really hate my job sometimes, but it gives me a nice balance of things. 

    What kind of job do you have? 

    I work part time right now, so I'm a part time SAHM. I work two days a week-although I wanted 3 days coming back from maternity leave, which my boss told me I could have and then after I had made arrangements with my sitter, told me we were only gonna do 2 for now.  I like my job, but I'm not 100% doing what I hired on to do and that makes me mad. Also-I want 3 days and she will only give me two, yet almost every other week she tries to get me to do a 3rd day anyway, which sometimes I can do, but sometimes I can't because I don't have a sitter because my boss told me it was only gonna be 2 days a week (frustrating, right?). I also like the balance of working/staying home. I only have to send DS to the sitter 2 days a week and I get out and get some adult time.

    I keep looking for other jobs, because we're okay with money, but our current arrangement doesn't allow us to save much. But it's such a fine line because if I'm going to find something full time, it would have to be enough money to make it worth having to send DS to the sitter more often, and what I want is to still work part time (but 3 days a week) but I'm having a hard time finding jobs that allow that kind of schedule. So right now we're just kinda going with the flow. DH likes things how they are, and he has a good job and this is the time of year when he can get a lot of overtime, so that helps. As much as I love being home, I miss having a job where I felt like I was really contributing something.

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