Husband is getting me some wine now — The Bump
Snarky and T-TTC

Husband is getting me some wine now

It's over, no heartbeat, ADP stopped growing a couple days after the last ultrasound.

I blame myself for getting too comfortable with the pregnancy.

Now I have to decide if I will let my body take care of it, get the meds, or go in for the D&C.

Re: Husband is getting me some wine now

  • FUUUCK. I am so, so sorry. I don't know why this happens but I do know one thing and that's the LAST thing you should do is blame yourself for ANY of it. Even the people that worry the most have this happen to them. It all fuucking sucks. I am incredibly sorry.
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  • Oh no. Fvck no.  Dip, I am so, so sorry.  ((BIG HUGE HUGS))  This is just so sad.  Please let me know if I can do anything. 
    TTC #1 Dx: severe MFI
    IVF with ICSI #1: BFP
    TESE for DH 08/09/09
    ER 08/09/09; ET 08/14/09; Beta #1 08/23/09: 150; Beta #2 08/25/09: 267
    TTC #2: FET #1: BFP
    ET 06/16/11; Beta #1 06/25/11: 282; Beta #2 06/27/11: 777
    First u/s: Twins! Baby A stopped growing @ 9 weeks, forever in our hearts
    TTC #3: FET #2: c/p lost at 4 weeks
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  • Oh Dip, my heart is just breaking for you.

    I just don't know what to say, except do NOT blame yourself. You took care of yourself the best you could.

    (((((HUGS)))))

  • wait wait wait.

    WTF?  I couldn't have possibly read that.   I am so so so so sorry, and sending you the biggest e-HUGS ever.

    And don't ever blame yourself.  Ever.  

    image
    TTC#1 Chart
    TTC#2 Chart
    IUI #1 - #4 (repronex trigger) = BFN
    IUI#5 on 10/28/2008 ** BFP 11/10/08 ** EDD 07/21/09 *** It's a GIRL (07/14/09) AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
    med/treatment free BFP 06/28/10. EDD 03/05/11 *** GIRL #2 (02/23/11)
    beta#1 @ 17dpo = 1296 .... beta#2 @ 19dpo = 3034
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    it's the Bug and Baby Belle!
  • Oh Dip :( I'm so sorry. I'm heartbroken for you. (((HUGS)))
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    My Blog /
    My Chart

    TTC since Jan 2007 with MFI and crappy left tube
    IUI#1 (10/09)=ectopic
    Natural (03/10)=ectopic
    IUI#2 (08/10)=ectopic

    IVF#1 (10/11)=BFN
    (4 frozen embryos)

    Natural (01/12)=ectopic
    Emergency lap and left tube removal.Dx with Stage III endo.
    Natural (08/12)=M/C of twins at 8 wks with d&c
    Waiting for FET
  • oh honey... i am soooo sorry!  :(  call me if you need ANYTHING! 
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  • I wish I was there to give you a big hug.  I am so sorry, Dip.  We love you and are here for you.  Please don't blame yourself.  You did everything right.  (((huge hugs)))
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    TTC #2, Operative hysteroscopy March 2011; IVF #1 long lupron protocol April 2011-cancelled due to poor response; IVF #2 flare protocol May 2011=hospitalization due to abdominal hemorrhage during ER and no fert due to MFI issues. Moving onto international adoption from Moldova January 2013!
  • My heart is breaking for you. I'm so so sorry. Please don't blame yourself. But do take care of yourself. We're here for you

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  • image QCinOct:
    My heart is breaking for you. I'm so so sorry. Please don't blame yourself. But do take care of yourself. We're here for you

    This fuucking sucks.. so so so sorry Dip

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  • my God Dip. i'm heartbroken for you.
  • I'm so so sorry, Dip.  Don't blame yourself, it's not your fault.  *hugs*  I just wish I could say more, but I don't have any magic words. 

    Our Journey to Brenden

    IVF #1: 4/11(Follistim/Menopur/Ganirelix) 10 retrieved/8 mature and all 8 fertilized / 2 embies transferred ... nothing to freeze Beta 5/10 = BFN

    IVF Take 2 Long Lupron July 2011

    ER 7/3/11 (our 6th anniversary) - 8 retrieved/7 mature/fert ....ET 7/6/11 - 2 beautiful grade A 8 cell embryos

    Beta 7/18/11 - 149!!! Beta 7/21/11 - 311 Beta 7/28/11 - 2,000 8/5/11 - Empty Sac 8/8/11 - There's a yolk sac and maybe a heartbeat 8/12/11 - Fetal pole, yolk sac, heartbeat 8/18/11 - Baby looks GREAT!
    3 babies waiting on ice


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  • Oh Dip!  I am so sorry!  You did everything you could to make sure ADP was safe in there, you CANNOT blame yourself.  I wish I could do something to help, stupid opposite coasts. 

  • Oh and I wanted to add something ... our RE recommended a D&C with chromosomal testing.  He said it was our only way to have some answers.  It also would give us an indication of whether or not we had some major genetic issue we didn't know about.

    I knew, for me, I couldn't handle letting nature take it's course or having to pass anything.  I just knew I wanted to wake up and have it over with ... 

    I'm just so sorry you're in this position ... I wish you nothing but comfort as you move through the process.

    Our Journey to Brenden

    IVF #1: 4/11(Follistim/Menopur/Ganirelix) 10 retrieved/8 mature and all 8 fertilized / 2 embies transferred ... nothing to freeze Beta 5/10 = BFN

    IVF Take 2 Long Lupron July 2011

    ER 7/3/11 (our 6th anniversary) - 8 retrieved/7 mature/fert ....ET 7/6/11 - 2 beautiful grade A 8 cell embryos

    Beta 7/18/11 - 149!!! Beta 7/21/11 - 311 Beta 7/28/11 - 2,000 8/5/11 - Empty Sac 8/8/11 - There's a yolk sac and maybe a heartbeat 8/12/11 - Fetal pole, yolk sac, heartbeat 8/18/11 - Baby looks GREAT!
    3 babies waiting on ice


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  • I am so so sorry, dip. This is not your fault. Sending you huge ((hugs)).
    someecardscom - Im well on my way to getting absolutely nothing done today
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    c/p 4/1/11

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  • Omg, I am so very sorry.  Please, please don't blame yourself.  ((Hugs))




  • Dip I am SO sorry...my heart breaks for you.  You did absolutely NOTHING wrong so please don't blame yourself.  Take care of yourself and know that we are all here for you.  (((HUGS))) a million times over. 
  • I'm so, so sorry.
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  • OMG. I didn't just read that. I am so so sorry.
    imageimage

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    Logan Henry - March 15, 2010 - March 22, 2010. We will always love you sweet baby boy.
  • image staycee:

    wait wait wait.

    WTF?  I couldn't have possibly read that.   I am so so so so sorry, and sending you the biggest e-HUGS ever.

    And don't ever blame yourself.  Ever.  

    I am throwing rocks at the universe right now and screaming.  {{{Hugs}}}

    I Can't Resist Those Chubby Cheeks

    image

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    Dx with endo & blocked left tube - TTC #1 for 29 cycles before miracle BFP, #2 - Surprise!!
    My TTC/PG blog / Panda Phenomenon Explained
  • oh dip, i am so, so, so very sorry.

    TTC #2 since June '08

    ~*DD 10.21.07*~

    dx unexplained

    IUI #1-4 BFN

    IVF#1 June 2011 BFN

    IVF#2 Dec 2011

    Beta#1 12/21 : 812 Beta#2 12/23 : 1634

    EDD 8/25

    *PAIFW/SAIFW*

  • what the fuucking fuuck?  mother fuucking god damnit. 

    i fuucking hate this.

    i wish i was there to give you huge ((hugs)).  i love you so much.  i'm so sorry.  :(

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  • Oh my God, no. I don't even have strong enough words for how sorry I am to read this. This is so unfair I think I might scream. Please don't blame yourself - there is nothing you could have done. lots and lots of (((hugs)))
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  • I am so sorry.  Don't blame yourself, you deserved to enjoy that time.  But it does just make it hurt that much more.  Sadly, there truly is not a safe zone.
    TTK 9/06 / TTC 10/08 / Twins 12/11 / Life Blog
    5 REs + 3 surgical hysteroscopies for septum/lap + 3 failed IUIs
    IVF w/ICSI/AH & acu = BFP!, unexplained spontaneous m/c @ 8w2d (our little girl),
    FET w/acu = BFP!, B/G twins!, lost MP @19w, dx w/funneling cervix @20w,
    twins nearly lost to IC @21w, saved by rescue cerclage, 17P & 16w of bedrest
    Our twins born @36w4d via CS when A came foot first

    Thankful for every day

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  • oh my God no Dip....i'm so sorry. i'm heartbroken for you. you did nothing wrong, do not blame yourself, there was no way to prepare for this. Dip i am so so sorry. please let me know if there's anything i can do for you. 

    love,

    buena 

  • I'm a dirty lurker but I just had to say I am so sorry. My heart breaks for you.

  • I'm so very sorry to hear this.  ((big hugs))
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  • Dip no.  No, no, no.  I don't even know what else to say other than I am just so so sorry.  And like everyone else said - please do NOT blame yourself.

    I'm so sorry...

    image
    My first haircut!


    Severe MFI - on to IVF w/ ICSI

    IVF#1-2: BFN
    IVF#3: BFP! - 1/24: ET - 5d - 2 blasts - 2/02: Beta #1: 16.2 ...... 2/04: Beta #2: 35 ...... 2/09: Beta #3: 401.5 - I'm pregnant! - 2/13: u/s #1 - baby boy, due 10/12, born 10/16! ...... 8 lbs 0 oz, 22 inches! Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

  • I'm a lurker, who enjoys your blog, too. I'm so, so sorry. It's not fair.
    TTC #1 since June 2010
    Me: 36, DH: 42
    Dx: DOR and MFI

    DH: low count + very low motility; hormones all normal; Sperm DNA Frag. test = poor to fair; male karyotyping normal
    Me: FSH 13.4 + AMH 0.26 + hypothyroidism; Scratch the hypothyrodism (?); Blood clotting and immune panel all negative; endometrial biopsy normal

    IVF #1 (MDLF - Jul/Aug 2011): BFN (9R, 5M, 3F with ICSI, 3dt of 1 10-cell grade 2, no frosties)
    IVF #2 (EP-antagonist - Sep/Oct 2011): BFN (6R, 4M, 3F w/ ICSI, 3dt of 1 6-cell, 1 7-cell, grade 4s, no frosties)
    DE IVF #1 (shared cycle - June 2012): c/p (6R, 6F w/ICSI, 3dt 1 8-cell grade A- and 1 7-cell grade A-; no frosties)
    DE IVF #2 (shared cycle with new donor - Nov/Dec/ 2012): - BFP!!!!! 12/14/12. U/S on 12/27 shows twins!!!!!

    SAIFW/PAIFW
  • :( I'm so sorry.
    TTC #1 - Cycle 29 - BFP!! 03/05/10
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  • Oh God. I'm so sorry.. those words are so pathetically incompetent at expressing how I feel. I wish I had the words. I'm so sorry.

    Chart




    image

    Waiting anxiously for someone to come home



    Anniversary

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    IUIs #1 & 2 BFN, IUI #3 chemical pregnancy.

    IVF cycle 1: ER 8/27 10R, 8M, 6F No frosties for us, none survived to freeze

    Two transferred 9/1

    First beta 247, second beta 487. 9/20 Twins!

    Grow little babies, please, please continue to grow

  • Dip, I wish I could give you a big hug and had something to say other than, I'm sorry :(

    This is fuucking unfair.

    image image image
    Expectation is the root of all heartache ~William Shakespeare

    TTC since 1/08-- 2 IVF's (11/09 and 4/10)- total of 10 fert but no embryos for transfer :(

    Forced break after abdominal myomectomy

    Spring 2011 - IVF #3 - nothing for transfer

    Fall/Winter 2011 - IVF #4 - one lost twin between 7-9 weeks
    one beautiful little girl born 8/2012
  • Oh Dip I'm so sorry. My heart is breaking for you. (((Big Hugs)))
    imageimage

    After 22 cycles and tube removal our IVF miracle has arrived! Detailed IF and IVF info in bio.


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  • Another lurker coming out...

    I am so sorry Dip, there aren't words to express the heartbreak I am feeling for you. I so enjoy following you and your blog and wanted you to know I am thinking about you.

    Me: 37 DH: 40 TTC since 9/09
    #1 BFP 1/10/11; missed m/c discovered 7w5d
    IF Dx: Endo, hetero MTHFR mutation, poor morphology
    #1 IUI: 1/18/12 = BFN
    #1 IVF/ICSI 4/2/12 = 2 x 7-cell and 1 x 5-cell transferred (3dt) = BFP!!
    H was born at 41w2d on 12/29/12 - be still my heart!
    #2 IVF/ICSI 1/19/14 = 2 x 8 cells transferred (3dt) = BFP!! EDD 10/09/14
    M&W born at 37 weeks on 9/18/14 - I am the momma of 3 boys!!!

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  • Oh, Dip, I am so, so sorry. God this is so unfair. There are just no words. ((big hugs))
  • I am so sorry!! 
    TTC#1
    DX Hypothyroid,Prolactinoma, Annovulatory Cycles, Celiac, Lichen,IBS, Severe Allergies ETC>>
    M/C 1/2011
    May 2011 Clomid 50mg +Ovidrel-BFN
    June 2011 HSG, DH SA Both Normal
    Sept 2011 C/P
    Sep 2011 IUI w/Frozen Sperm, progesterone therapy
    image
  • My heart is aching and my stomach is sick. I can not believe this. I am so so sorry Dip. I'm...speechless and so upset.
  • Dip, I'm so sorry. I don't even know what else to say. ((big big hugs))
    2.5 yrs TTC #1 - DX = Stage IV Endo, Lap performed Jan 2010
    TTC #1 - May 2010 - IUI #3: BFP 
    TTC #2 - May 2012 -IUI #2: BFP
    TTC #3 - Jan 2013 -Surprise BFP!
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  • I was really hoping this would be the one for you.  So sorry! I wish I had a magic wand so I could change things for you.
    dd(Brianna) 11/01/94, ds(Bram)10/17/95, ds(Jesse)9/26/97, dd (Annie Ruth) 7/27/05 5mc Jan '08, May '08, Feb '09, Sept '09, Apr '11 "And can it be that in a world so full and busy, the loss of one weak creature makes a void in any heart, so wide and deep that nothing but the width and depth of vast eternity can fill it up." - Charles Dickens

    PAL/PGAL Welcome

  • :lurker: My heart sank when I saw this post. I am so incredibly sorry. There are no words other than I understand and it fuuuuucking sucks so bad.
    6 & 2 year old, 2 losses
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