MIL is not respecting my labor plans

JessiF41684

When I had my first I had no exspectation that anyone would be waiting in the waiting room I had no idea my dad was out there the entire time! I was touched. but thats me. You really are not going to be focused on anything but those labor pains anyway. I know right now your pissed but your not even going to think about it once the baby is on the way.

faye01us

I can see your side of the story, but put yourself in your MIL's position.  How would you feel if the same thing was happening to you? I don't know your MIL so unless she is a total witch, let her have a pass. It might really be hurting her that she isn't involved somehow, maybe she feels like she wants to do more, but you won't let her. Think about it, if she doesn't have a daughter your kind of like a daughter so maybe she just wants to help. As for saying it is just your call I don't really think that is right either, yes you are having the baby, but your husband helped create that life, and to just disregard his feelings is a little brash, and so is calling him a mama's boy. How would you feel if he called you a name? I think the father has just as much right to make decsions in this as you do.

RadicalDreamer143

faye01us:

I can see your side of the story, but put yourself in your MIL's position.  How would you feel if the same thing was happening to you? I don't know your MIL so unless she is a total witch, let her have a pass. It might really be hurting her that she isn't involved somehow, maybe she feels like she wants to do more, but you won't let her. Think about it, if she doesn't have a daughter your kind of like a daughter so maybe she just wants to help. As for saying it is just your call I don't really think that is right either, yes you are having the baby, but your husband helped create that life, and to just disregard his feelings is a little brash, and so is calling him a mama's boy. How would you feel if he called you a name? I think the father has just as much right to make decsions in this as you do.

I am normally one to agree with saying that a DH is just as important/involved... but until he is the one pushing a child out of a vagina, he really has not much to say when it comes to this.  Let's say he were to be in the hospital, undergoing major surgery... shouldn't he be the one making decisions to make him comfortable?

Also, I always lose respect for grown women who have to cry to their sons in order to manipulate them into getting what they want.

RadicalDreamer143

faye01us:

I can see your side of the story, but put yourself in your MIL's position.  How would you feel if the same thing was happening to you? I don't know your MIL so unless she is a total witch, let her have a pass. It might really be hurting her that she isn't involved somehow, maybe she feels like she wants to do more, but you won't let her. Think about it, if she doesn't have a daughter your kind of like a daughter so maybe she just wants to help. As for saying it is just your call I don't really think that is right either, yes you are having the baby, but your husband helped create that life, and to just disregard his feelings is a little brash, and so is calling him a mama's boy. How would you feel if he called you a name? I think the father has just as much right to make decsions in this as you do.

I am normally one to agree with saying that a DH is just as important/involved... but until he is the one pushing a child out of a vagina, he really has not much to say when it comes to this.  Let's say he were to be in the hospital, undergoing major surgery... shouldn't he be the one making decisions to make him comfortable?

Also, I always lose respect for grown women who have to cry to their sons in order to manipulate them into getting what they want.

mommashan

You are right. It is your call. But, as the mom of one little boy, and one little boy on the way, I sure hope my future daughters-in-law are not so harsh... I know that I will certainly want to be at the hospital when my future grandchildren are born. Not in the room, unless they want me there. I want my mom in the room with me too. But being the mom of little boys sure makes you think about your MIL's feelings a little more. Try and remember that she loves your child as much as your mom does. After all, it's her baby's baby too. I'm sure your mom would be upset if you banned her from the hospital. Maybe your MIL cares about you a little bit too. I'm certainly blessed to have a MIL who loves me. I hope you have a super easy labor and things go quickly for you. Good luck.

 P.S. If your next child is a boy, you may start to see things a little differently.

angloarab

Sit down and explain to DH that for every visitor/ guest it adds 45 minutes to your active labor! Due to the stress, distractions, fear, ect. it will put on you, you won't have all your concentration on your delivery. We told my in-laws we didn't want anyone there and they said we weren't being fair! We said fair to who!?!? Is it fair to me to be in pain for an added hour and a half. To possibly be put on pitocin to "speed" up my delivery causing baby to go into fetal distress?!?! Then possibly having to go into an emergency c-section?!?!

I'm not telling you this to scare you but to give you information to discuss with DH so you can have scientific and medical reasons to not want your MIL in the waiting room.

I have told my in-laws that if they can't respect our wishes they can wait in the waiting room... but the longer they are in there before LO is born, the longer they will be waiting there after she is born. You don't have to let them into your room!

Oh and if she can't even respect your wishes now do you really think she will respect you when raising LO? Just some food for thought.

animel8on

I can relate, only it's my mother that keeps bothering about being in the delivery room. Is this your first child? This is my second, and instead of my mother coming into the delivery room, I've asked her to watch my oldest so that i know he's taken care of and so that i won't have to worry about him. She seems okay with it, though she is a little irritated. Also have you tried expressing the distress you're having about this to your husband? I understand that it is his mother, but you're his wife and he needs to respect your wishes regardless of what his mother wants. The day is about you and making sure your little girl is healthy on her way into the world, It's not a time for you to be stressed about small things like that.

EMM09

The question is, do you really think she'll stay in the waiting room the entire time? If so, then let it go. Trust me, by the time labor sets in, you won't care if the entire family is there. Others say its selfish to put your mom first, but she's your MOM! She's seen you naked, she's seen you sick, and you share that intimate bond you may not have with the MIL. If you think she'll be coming into the delivery room before she's welcome, then she shouldn't be there.

tdienno11

WOW, what a spoiled rotten little girl you are.  I imagine your MIL is just as excited as your mom who not only doesn't have to wait in the waiting room but gets to be in the delivery room when your baby, her grandchild, is born.  Typical case of not valuing people in equal roles equally.  Good luck with your delivery, marriage and extended family.  Sounds like you'll need it!

RadicalDreamer143

tdienno11:

WOW, what a spoiled rotten little girl you are.  I imagine your MIL is just as excited as your mom who not only doesn't have to wait in the waiting room but gets to be in the delivery room when your baby, her grandchild, is born.  Typical case of not valuing people in equal roles equally.  Good luck with your delivery, marriage and extended family.  Sounds like you'll need it!

What a lovely first post to make here!

Nephews

This is a big red flag - not just for now, but for all the parenting and family decisions you'll have to make along the way.

If your husband can't choose his wife over his mommy (as all husbands have to do) NOW of all times... what does that say about how you rate?  He needs to get his priorities together.  And you need to have a fit over this.  If you don't make sure your needs are met, no one else will.  They either don't understand how important it is to you, or they don't care what you want.  Big red flags.  

Don't let people treat you like that.  It might seem easy now, but as you progress in your marriage and parenthood, it will only get worse.

Good luck!   I hope you stand up for yourself.

beachinnbum

Well, when you DISlike the IN LAWS as much as I do..... there's really no point of them being there.

I don't get the whole "It's my grandchild- excited thing" cause I don't even like my own family half the time.. and they didn't ever support me or be excited for anything I was doing... so why would they being excited about another baby... that's not even theirs?!

 END OF STORY. You're the one having the baby... just don't call them! They can wait wherever they want to but I wouldn't be the one to know where there are. And when I do have the baby, no one better tell me they are in the hospital cause no ones coming in til I am ready anyway.. so they wasted their time.

& Who cares what they feel.... they aren't the one having the baby! People take too much stuff to heart these days. It's whatever makes YOU feel COMFORTABLE.