A little scared...

Zista

It's irrational, but I feel more comfortable posting on here than on FB. 

We started night weaning last night, and it did NOT go well.  DS is used to having his first snack around 10-11pm, also usually when I bring him to bed with me.  When I informed him it was "all gone" (usually a lifesaver), it started three hours of the most sorrowful and angry crying I've ever heard. 

After two hours, I needed a break and went to get DH.  I shook him, picked up his arm, and finally got him awake, and he sat up and grabbed me!  He wrapped both arms around me tightly, cutting me off from an equally-terrified DS.  I pushed away with all my strength and told him, "Let go!  What's wrong with you?  Let go, DS is going to fall off the bed!"  And he just wouldn't... he was using his full strength to keep me there.  He kept repeating something, but I was so scared I couldn't understand.  I finally got away, grabbed DS, and went and cried on the couch, and then DS and I fell asleep together in the crib.   

This morning he didn't remember any of it.  He must have been sleep walking.  I grew up with a violent father and can NOT be scared of my husband.  I'm not sure how I'm supposed to not freak out at night that he could do something worse.   

AnnetteWalker

That sounds really scary.

 I don't have any advise. Just support. Sorry your going thru this.

 

doublem

OMG, what a scary and awful night for you!  You slept in the crib?!  What did your DH say about it, other than not remembering it happening?  That would completely freak me out.  My friend's husband has PTSD and used to do stuff like that on occasion, and it was directed at people in his dreams, not at her.  If it happened again, I would want him to find some help.  Of course, it could have just been a terrible nightmare for him and never happen again.  Hugs - I hope both weaning and sleeping go better for you two!

CDMay2006

That does sound really scary!  Does he have a history of sleepwalking or PTSD?  I'd talk to his dr. before it happens again to get suggestions for what might help if it does happen (or what could have been a trigger to avoid in the future).  Then hopefully you won't need to put those suggestions to the test.

babyaustin725

That sounds super scary!  I bet it was just some weird dream, and hopefully it won't ever happen again.  I have done something similar.  James came to wake me up for something, and I was dreaming something that I can't remember.  I started screaming like I was terrified and scooting across the bed away from him.  I don't remember doing it and it hasn't happened since. 

Zista

Well, he hasn't been through anything that would cause PTSD that I know of. 

He's had a few occassions where it's been really hard to wake him, and then he does something wonky.  E.g., a few months ago I got him because I needed help with Isaac at about 3am, and he turned on all the lights, the radio, and started playing with him!  I was like, "It's 3am!"  and it took him a LONG time to get that it wasn't morning.  I also found him up in the middle of the night once standing at the dresser, a drawer open, looking thoughtfully down his boxers.  He then turned and walked away and slept on the couch.    Maybe he has a sleep disorder and we just never knew it? 

This is the first time he's done something actually scary.  He has reach out and wonked me in the head once, but I assumed he was dreaming about being a goalie. 

Zista

Oh, and all he has to say was, "oh baby, I'm sorry" and that he didn't remember.  He looked really contrite, but since he didn't go through what I did growing up, I don't think he really "got" it.  (FWIW, I was generally the witness, not the one hit growing up).  But really, he was sleeping, so how can I hold him responsible for his actions??  

koosh ball

Zista:

But really, he was sleeping, so how can I hold him responsible for his actions??  

By making sure he visits a sleep specialist and gets a sleep study...

ckmommy

I definately agree that he needs a sleep study asap, do not wait for something like this to happen again. Various things can cause PTSD, sometimes things you wouldn't consider real traumatizing events can result in PTSD. It doesn't matter, at least in my opinion, that he was asleep. It could be far worse of a situation because it happens when he is asleep. I hope I am not coming off as rude, but he definately needs to be evaluated. I am so sorry this happened to you.

StellaZ

That is scary. It sure sounds like a sleep disorder. I would definitely get him in for a study and maybe have him sleep separate until then. They had a whole storyline on ER about this (Dr. Yang and her Fianc?e) - but it too was PTSD related.

Seattle_JiLLn

koosh ball:

Zista:

But really, he was sleeping, so how can I hold him responsible for his actions??  

By making sure he visits a sleep specialist and gets a sleep study...

Yep.  With all of those events, he has something going on.  It's time to go to the doctor.  

 

So scary.  I ohpe he can figure it out so you don't have to be scared.   

Zista

StellaZ:

That is scary. It sure sounds like a sleep disorder. I would definitely get him in for a study and maybe have him sleep separate until then. They had a whole storyline on ER about this (Dr. Yang and her Fianc?e) - but it too was PTSD related.

I think you mean Gray's.    I remember it. 

OK, now I have to convince him.  And since he's procrastinating on everything else health or safety related, I can only imagine how long it will take. 

 

newmommy74

How scary! I would defintely try and convince him to go get a study done. Good luck!

tusshie2004

That sounds terrifying! I am so sorry to hear that. I agree with newmommy74, try to convince him to get a study done.

Good luck.

Keep us posted. 

Seattle_JiLLn

Zista:

StellaZ:

That is scary. It sure sounds like a sleep disorder. I would definitely get him in for a study and maybe have him sleep separate until then. They had a whole storyline on ER about this (Dr. Yang and her Fianc?e) - but it too was PTSD related.

I think you mean Gray's.    I remember it. 

OK, now I have to convince him.  And since he's procrastinating on everything else health or safety related, I can only imagine how long it will take. 

 

Just make the appointment for him and tell him when to go. 

Amylynne1542

That does sound really scary, and I am so sorry it happened to you. If your DH has ever experienced night terrors, this is how they can be triggered. But abrupt waking. other than that, I agree with everyone else.. Talk to a dr. and investigate night terrors and PTSD. This isn't something you want to happen to your son if he happens to wake daddy suddenly. 

GL. 

JodiLinn503

I'm so sorry. That sounds awful! I agree with the other girls....take action now. Hugs!!

Zista

Jill, that's the approach I took with infant CPR classes.  You know, after our infant son stopped breathing three times, was hospitalized for two weeks, diagnosed with a seizure disorder, and the doctors TOLD US to take infant CPR classes.  He refused to go... said he could learn it on YouTube.  He is a great husband/father in so many ways, but he just gets his hackles up about being told what to do. 

I need to find the right time to talk to him when he's not being defensive.  He listens when he feels like he's not being attacked.  Tonight is not the night... he's being an a$$, and I am definitely letting him know.   

LifesPeachy

How scary So sorry you went through that last night. 
My 9 y/o DD sleep walks. The other night, she fell in room while sleep walking and screamed bloody murder. It was terrifying, DH and I went flying in there. If anything, your DH should see someone about his sleep issues because you never, it could be hereditary- maybe if you put it back on DH that you have to know for DS's sake.
Good luck getting through to him and I hope for a better night tonight, both with DH and DS  

Seattle_JiLLn

Zista:

Jill, that's the approach I took with infant CPR classes.  You know, after our infant son stopped breathing three times, was hospitalized for two weeks, diagnosed with a seizure disorder, and the doctors TOLD US to take infant CPR classes.  He refused to go... said he could learn it on YouTube.  He is a great husband/father in so many ways, but he just gets his hackles up about being told what to do. 

I need to find the right time to talk to him when he's not being defensive.  He listens when he feels like he's not being attacked.  Tonight is not the night... he's being an a$$, and I am definitely letting him know.   

Not to blow this out of proportion, but have you considered some marriage counselling?  It just seems outrageous that you have to tiptoe around him so much and that he is so resistant to things like the CPR class to save your child's life, or responding to this event where you felt you were in danger.   Sounds like he has some issues and you guys need to work them out.  It just doesn't sound normal to me...  

CDMay2006

Seattle_JiLLn:

Zista:

Jill, that's the approach I took with infant CPR classes.  You know, after our infant son stopped breathing three times, was hospitalized for two weeks, diagnosed with a seizure disorder, and the doctors TOLD US to take infant CPR classes.  He refused to go... said he could learn it on YouTube.  He is a great husband/father in so many ways, but he just gets his hackles up about being told what to do. 

I need to find the right time to talk to him when he's not being defensive.  He listens when he feels like he's not being attacked.  Tonight is not the night... he's being an a$$, and I am definitely letting him know.  

Not to blow this out of proportion, but have you considered some marriage counselling?  It just seems outrageous that you have to tiptoe around him so much and that he is so resistant to things like the CPR class to save your child's life, or responding to this event where you felt you were in danger.   Sounds like he has some issues and you guys need to work them out.  It just doesn't sound normal to me... 

I'm on the same page as Jill.  The sleep disorder stuff could be nothing, but it could be something really major (for his health and the safety of him and those around him).  The same is (was) true of your kiddo's breathing problems.  I'm totally stubborn, so i get what you are saying, but when your H is reacting this way (or has a pattern of reacting in such a way as to make you expect this reaction) to your feeling endangered and to the CPR situation, he has some growing to do.  Given the changes his  tendencies  seem to have on your approach to interacting with him, it could be beneficial to you and your marriage to do some counseling together, too.  (Of course, getting him to see that and act on it may be a challenge, as well...)

skenyon

Wow! That does sound really scary. I agree there is probably a sleep disorder happening and he should seek out some help for it. GL and big big hugs.