update

kbrodie06

IVF converted to IUI makes IUI 5 1/2 and that was on 7/19. HPT is negative. Now have to explore the next options. (stay with 1, be ok with DE and child that is his not mine, try IVF again and be ok with that financially)

I need to talk to husband and I need to talk to DE people. I need to find out how to be ok with it, since I am obviously not right now) Anyone able to point me out to successful DE people, groups or books or something?

I know one thing, I am forever thankful for this board and the IF board.

Kristin

Mrs.McIrish

Oh Kristin! I am sorry. I think you need to try IVF with your OE again.  You didn't really get to try with the conversion. If I don't get to retrieval, I'd have to try again otherwise I'd always wonder what if.

kbrodie06

The last IUI costs us about $$4000 so each try is financially expensive, not sure we can do that

lhcooper

I'm so sorry.  I sort of agree with McIrish, but of course those IUI costs are out of sight, and if this keeps happening to you, then there goes the money you could put towards other options, including DE.  I have been working through the same DE issues as you note here...for whatever it's worth, it helped me to clarify what I wanted when we (recently) came very close to going forward with a donor embryo (where neither of us would be genetically connected but I'd still get to be pregnant).  I realized that the thought of carrying a child that wasn't at least DH's made me too sad.  So we are looking into DE now very seriously instead. 

I posted a similar question on the PAIF board about DE, and a couple of people wrote back to say that they really worried about this too, and that in the end it does not matter at all--because, of course, the child IS yours, you have the biological tie to it in your womb, which DH will never have no matter what.

So maybe that helps.  I agree it's really hard to wrap one's mind around but I am much closer to it than I thought.  That said, it just hasn't been proved that your eggs are crapped out the way mine are, so I could see why you might hesitate even more than I am.

Sorry again.  It sucks.

solarflare

Kristin, I am so sorry to hear this. I also got a BFN today and feel for you a lot. I understand about the cost. For me this is creating debt on the credit card. We don't make enough monthly to afford these extra expenses. I am just considering it like an extra car payment.  I just noticed today that there is financing through Chase that offers an interest free payment plan if you are accepted. This is on the Kaiser IVF website. I also agree that you should do one full IVF cycle with your own eggs, if you can or want to make it happen. However, I think all options you mentioned are valid, and you should see which one feels right to you - that is the most important.  By the way, I know you want another child, but I wanted you to know that I am an only child and loved it. I know many people want to give their child a sibling, but I must say, I had a pretty awesome life as an "only." 

Take good care of yourself today. 

lindaeverly

I am so sorry about your BFN!  Fortunately, we are not at the same crossroads that you are at, so I don't have any direct advice for you.  I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you & that I'll be praying for you to find peace with whichever option that you pick.

Deanne Shehane

Kristen, Charbart did donor eggs for her twins. I haven't seen her anywhere since she had them a little after I had Ford. I will see if she is still in my "Friends" in my email. Deanne

stever

No advice, but I am so, so sorry.

boymamaco

You've already received such great advice. Just wanted to say that I'm sorry and sending your T&Ps.

annalisel

Sorry about the negative test. I'm so disappointed for you.

I'm also of the thought that this cycle doesn't mean you should give up on your own eggs, but if you strongly desire a second child and can only finance one more try, DE may be the way to go. You'd still have a biological connection to the child - hormones play a huge role in development. It's so unfair that finances have to influence decision making. 

Take care of yourself.

mtlaurel

I'm so sorry Kristin. Have you tried pressuring the clinic that didn't listen to you to give you a financial break on another IVF cycle? I know you probably don't want to cycle with them again, but if they would do it much more cheaply, maybe it's another option.

I am so sorry about the decisions you are facing. Good luck.

happywifemomofone

Hi Kristin, So sorry about your BFN.  Have you talked with your RE since your failed IVF cycle?  We did cycle one more time after  first IVF was cancelled d/t poor response.  We made it to retrieval-have one beautiful 8 cell embryo on day 3.  Unfortunately, we did not get our BFP that cycle.......but that cycle showed us we could be successful.  I'll NEVER have 10 follicles, or more that 3-4 for that matter, but it doesn't matter to us-as it only takes one!  Have you considered using OOP med program on infertility board to help with meds?  We are fortunate to have insurance-so finance don't come into our decisions as easily.  Good luck with whichever direction you choose to go.

Country Girl in the City

So sorry for your BFN.  The clinic that I am going to has a program that you get your money back if you don't get a BFP.  Is is only for people that are OOP, I think.  Could that be an option for you?

shyntrue

((Hugs))

Mrs.McIrish

Country Girl in the City:

So sorry for your BFN.  The clinic that I am going to has a program that you get your money back if you don't get a BFP.  Is is only for people that are OOP, I think.  Could that be an option for you?

There are usually age restrictions on those programs...