Intimacy is not working :(

megan.e.jensen@gmail.com

I am starting to get really frustrated. DH says not to worry, that its him and not me, and he doesn't know why it isn't working, but all I can think of is that its because my body looks so different, and I'm paranoid that he isn't attracted to me right now. I feel like we are doomed to not have sex ever again...especially after the baby comes. I know I'm being rediculous, thanks for letting me vent...

shanniebananie

Sorry, honey... I know how you're feeling. We're going through the same thing here. 

gajumper

I so feel you!  Sex has just become uncomfortable and more of a "chore" than a pleasure.  While I do what I can to please him, he gets frustrated because its just not enjoyable for me.

All I ahve heard from all of my friends is that sex in the 2nd tri is "amazing"...uhm, ya, right...not for me!!!

Raffes484

DH and I have a good sex life when I'm NOT pregnant. When I am pregnant however, it's once every few weeks. Some of it is because of my body changes that although he doesn't say it, I know he's not looking at me the same. Some is because I'm uncomfortable.

During my last pregnancy one time, while we were going at it, he couldn't finish fast enough for me because I had to pee so bad.

However, by the time I got clearance for sex at 6 weeks post partum, we couldn't wait! I had c-sections, so I don't really know if things were different down there, but we were back to our usual selves. Well, as much as you can with having a newborn and a toddler.

I know it's hard, but try not to let it get you down.

HollyBerry25

I am with you, too! We have not had sex in at least 3 months. It totally insane. I have no idea why he is SO disinterested. He says just work and stress. Hmmm... Makes me sad!

Sporkmoostipe

Awww, sweetie!  

We had this problem when I first became pregnant and for about 2 months. Before we got pregnant we had relations at least 5 times a week. 

Part of it was my own neurosis; afraid of hurting the baby, freaking out about every little pain, being uncomfortable. The other part of it was that my husband would get upset if it was uncomfortable for me or was not good. (And that happened even before pregnancy).

I think it comes in waves. The last week it's been "business as usual", but before that, it was really rough. I kept thinking it was me, my apperance, not feeling good...but a lot of it was him---he didn't find me any less attractive. He was getting freaked out about a baby inside and it gave him a little..ahem, performance anxiety. Plus, any sort of discomfort I showed, it upset him and the moment was often lost.  

We tried to do "romantic" things to help us get more into the mood...a nice dinner, cuddling and watching a romantic movie, going for walks, etc. Sometimes it led to something, a lot of times it didn't.  I've grown to appreciate getting to talk to him and having some non-sexy time. The talking has helped the sexy time be better, because I feel more connected to him. 

 

 

ashday

My DH and I were just talking about this the other night... I have almost no desire for intercourse, just being close is plenty good for me, but he wants more and doesn't want me doing it just because he does want to. I've been trying to figure out if there is a way to up my desire for sex to help him out, because I can't fake it around him. He knows me too well.

tkequall

i understand your frustration! I we are not allowed to at this point in my pregnancy due to my shortened cervix. so we've been without since june and won't get the ok until the end of sept. at 34 weeks. then it can be business as usual until the baby is born..however i dont know how that will work since i'm sure i'll be ENORMOUS by then!

 

Olalala157

I know its not easy feeling like that but remember that this is only temporary. Your body will go back to how it was (with some work on your part) and things will be how they were before. Its hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel but its there....somewhere....

KBBH

I feel like I could have written this post.  My husband and I were pretty active before baby was conceived.  We would have sex on a "regular" basis.  Since getting pregnant, we hav really not had much at all.  I have tried to do my part to keep him "happy" but even that is getting frustrating for him because although he's thankful, it's not the real deal, and therefore, he is frustrated.  He NEVER makes me feel that way, or makes me feel bad...he's awesome that way...but it's just tough all around.  I think we have gone 2-3 weeks at this point.  I KNOW he wanted to last night, and after my weekend of feeling like a fat whale and like everything was changing, that was the LAST thing I wanted to do.  The most frustrating part is that I'm the one who usually has the high drive, and I have ZERO right now.  You are SO not alone in this.

I have heard from so many people that the 2nd trimester is the BEST for sex and the moms to be are super horny and it's amazing.  Um..........not here.  LOL.

gin78

We are in the same boat except I am starving for sex, more than ever before and for the first time, he's not interested.  I know it's because it's weird with the baby and my being large and in charge, but talk about frustrating!  I keep telling him that we don't know how long this will last and he does what he can, but he's still weirded out. 

ejgballerina

I know how you feel!  This weekend it was just.. awkward.  I promise, it does get better after the baby comes.  Not immediately of course.. but eventually. 

vanessa11411

Same thing over here. DH thinks it's weird but he won't tell me. He says it's not me but I know it's my body because sex stopped once I hit about 24 weeks. So today I told him, I'm not gonna try anymore and I'm done with sex so he better be ready to deal with about 4 months of no sex.

ChloeBelle58

I don't know if this will work for everyone, but my DH and I watched "Crazy, Stupid, Love" on Friday, and it made us irresistible to one another... something about being reminded about how fragile/wonderful marriage can be just made me really want to be close to him... I highly recommend it!!

sara622

Same here.    We've only had sex once since we found out I was pregnant.  In the first tri I was way too sick to even think about sex.  In the second tri he's totally not interested and I am DYING!  I keep trying to initiate and he'll say "tomorrow honey" but tomorrow comes and goes and I get nothing.  I feel like it's my body but I honestly don't know.  He wont talk about it.  Oh well.  I've pretty much just decided it aint gonna happen until after the baby comes.  He promised me that things will go back to normal and we wont have the dreaded sexless marriage. 

On a positive note, I've been having some AWESOME sex dreams lately.  lol

Mama2Be11911

In the first tri, and beginning of second tri, we were all about it.  Now, it's so hard for me to even get in the mood.  We tried the other night and I literally almost laughed the whole time because I was so uncomfortable!  It was not romantic at all! Hopefully this will all change once baby comes! 

smigz3432

Im relieved me and DH arent the only ones going through this. I have had zero sex drive, which was not the case before being pregnant. DH mentions it all the time but usually we dont do anything intimate for 2-3 weeks. i enjoy it when we do do it, but getting myself to feels like a chore. Another thing, I feel like i have discharge all the time, but when we go to have sex we have to use lube because i am dry..I dont like this at all

megan.e.jensen@gmail.com

It is good to know I'm not alone...I really have no desire for sex, and it was just that the other night when we tried, he was *ahem* unsuccessful and so I instantly blamed my body.

*sigh*