mommy guilt

SanHawaii08

i know we just had a thread about this a few weeks ago, but i need support!

we planned to go to portland this weekend, so I could go to "sock summit" - a sock knitting convention it's my birthday present - i've been looking forward to it for 4 months!  as we started talking more about the logistics, we both started getting nervous (as seen in my post below).  since I'll be spending several hours at the summit (taking a class, shopping, and attending 1 other event), MH is the one who will be taking care of E for most of the trip. we decided that we'd both be less stressed if they stayed home instead, and I went by myself.  so now the plan is for me to leave friday after putting E down for the night, and return sunday afternoon.  I thought about leaving saturday, but my class is in the morning and I'd have to leave before E wakes up to get there in time - may as well go down the night before and get a good night's sleep.

so.  i'd be away for almost 48 hours.   i've never been away from E for more than 7-8 hours, to go to work.  I do think i'll have a lot more fun in portland by myself b/c I won't be a total stressball about whether he's sleeping well, etc, and I wouldn't be feeling like I should spend time with them (as a family vacation) instead of taking all the time i want at the summit, if only I can get over the fact that I'll be gone for so long.  i'm not worried about E, I know MH will do great (okay, we're both a teeny worried about bedtime - I've *always* been the one who puts him down for the night, since MH usually isn't home from work then!  but he only has to do it saturday, and it's probably good for him to be able to do it anyway!), but i definitely feel guilty, especially b/c this is a "fun" thing for me, not "required" travel for work. 

i want to go to the summit.  the prospect of sleeping for 2 nights in a hotel by myself is...luxurious.  (that's actually what i jokingly said i wanted for mother's day -1 night in a hotel by myself!)  even though E has STTN for months now, I still wake up and check the monitor throughout the night, especially if i hear him stir =P  so I'm hoping that if I'm away, I'll actually be able to sleep more deeply, and not wake up multiple times or so early in the morning!

but...there's the guilt.  anyone have similar stories of leaving your baby (and YH) at home to go have fun? 

lola808

I haven't done it yet, but I totally get how you're feeling. I know I'll have a hard time at first, but I think you just have to do it. And once you do, you'll probably realize how OK it all is. I was insanely worried about flying with him, but once we got going, it was like we'd done it our whole life. I'm thinking this will be similar since it'll be just a short little personal indulgence. Enjoy yourself! I think I could use two nights in a hotel myself!

eacerna

I haven't left LO overnight to travel solo but DH & I have left her with MIL a couple of times (one for 1 night and one for 2 nights).  I have also left her with DH for a few hours when I have to go to the salon for a hair appointment or have dinner with my gfs. Just this past week, I went shopping all day without her. I took off from work to go on a shopping spree with my mom and sister. Elle has been home for 2 weeks already so we thought it wouldn't hurt if we bring her to daycare for a day when we go shopping (plus, we pay daycare for the full month regardless of how many days she actually goes in). At first I was feeling guilty bringing her to daycare since I was off work anyway. DH said, she's been home for 2 weeks already plus, since we are pressed for time, taking her shopping with us would hold us up (have to worry about making sure she naps and not freak out in the stroller, stop for diaper changes and feeding, etc). I totally understand the mommy guilt because I felt the exact same way you are feeling. However, you should still do it. You deserve a nice little break. It's not like you do this all the time. Besides, DH is going to be with him so you know he is in good hands. It will be a good daddy-son bonding time. Sometimes we all get worried how our LO will do without us but most of the time, they do really well. We just worry for nothing :-). I am sure he'll make you proud :-).

MrsNJSwimmer

The only time I've been away from him overnight was when I was throwing a bridal shower that was 5 hours away.  I left before he got up in the morning, drove there, did the shower, drove 2 more hours to my mom's house, slept there, and got up uber early and was home by noon.  DH did a decent job of getting him to bed (first time he put him to bed - and only time, now that I think of it!), but I felt bad.  There was no way I could skip the event, and I didn't want to make him have to travel all that way, so it was the only way.  It worked out fine.    And now we're both more comfortable if we ever have to do that again.

MauiWedding08

I would leave by myself if I were you!  I didn't realize it wasn't a family trip but from what you explain it seems a lot easier to go solo!  E seems like he would be more comfortable at home and since this isn't some sort of family obligation and he's still a little young to enjoy the sights of a new and different place I would just let them have a guys weekend

I have only traveled for work but I think the most similar is last year when J was about 6 months old I had to be N. of SEA for 2 nights and DH was still in his relaxed job and just came b/c he wanted to check out the resort.  It was difficult because I wanted to go out to eat to do a little networking and all that but I was obligated to go back to the room and find something family friendly.  My other work related travel was SOOO much easier  (well except my last 2 e. coast r/t for less than 48 hours). And often I'm going places where I have friends so it becomes work and play which makes me feel a little guilty because I miss J AND because DH hasn't gotten to do anything simlar   I know it's probably more difficult for you to decide since this isn't required work travel, but it's something you really enjoy and are looking forward to and realistically it sounds like it would be way easier on the whole family if you just took off solo.

 

 ETA: I'm sure it would be a little different since E and your DH could get out and do stuff, but I don't think my DH enjoyed the "get away" when they came along last year.  It was stressful to keep J occupied and they felt cooped up in the room waiting for me to come back since the conference and meetings kept running behind and they didn't want to get too far away from me since we had poorly planned the BF/bottle/pump situation.

sanae78

I went away with my girlfriends for 2 nights in June and I felt the same way before the trip.  BUT, once we got on the road I had a blast and it was just nice to be me again and not just mommy.  KWIM?  I'm sure once you get on the road you'll feel so free - it is really nice. 

It'll be a little harder for you (logistically) since you're still nursing, but I really think it's a great idea that you just do something for yourself.  Have fun and release the guilt!  

cecig

I think it's totally normal to feel guilty! You'll feel so different once you're there and alone though I left C at home with my DH for 4 days once, (it was to visit my dying grandmother so definitely not a fun trip), but it was still so niiiiice. Not having to worry every single minute about changing diapers and feedings, and naps, etc.

I think it'll be fabulous for you, especially since it's for something you enjoy. I have a photography workshop in September, and I CANNOT.WAIT! 3 days all by myself, I'm giddy with joy! On that same note, I did let my DH go on a man-cation with his friends in February. I think we could all use alone time every now & then.

Hope you have fun!

HulaLove

Like everyone else said, I think it's totally normal to feel guilty when you leave.  We've left Elyse with my parents overnight several times and I still feel really guilty every time I leave.  BUT Elyse has an AMAZING relationship with my parents.  She doesn't have alot of words yet, but she often says "nana" and "poppy" in her babbling.  

IMO I think you should leave E with your hubby for 48 hours!  It sounds like you've been really looking forward to this.  It will be good for you and your husband.  We LOVE our family time, but Russ has commented that he loves when he gets time alone with Elyse.  

sanae78

cecig:

I think it's totally normal to feel guilty! You'll feel so different once you're there and alone though I left C at home with my DH for 4 days once, (it was to visit my dying grandmother so definitely not a fun trip), but it was still so niiiiice. Not having to worry every single minute about changing diapers and feedings, and naps, etc.

I think it'll be fabulous for you, especially since it's for something you enjoy. I have a photography workshop in September, and I CANNOT.WAIT! 3 days all by myself, I'm giddy with joy! On that same note, I did let my DH go on a man-cation with his friends in February. I think we could all use alone time every now & then.

Hope you have fun!

Ooh, what workshop are you taking???

inamra

I went away for a bachelorette weekend when I was still EBF and at the time, I was literally going "I don't wanna leave my baby!!" but it all worked out well and we had this app on the Droid to video call them back home whenever MH told me that B missed me and it helped a lot because he was all touching the screen at my face and he would be happier after the video call. I pumped whenever I could with a nursing cover and none of the girls were moms except me and it was funny because everytime someone walked into the room when I was pumping, they'd go "What the heck is that noise?!?" =P

I left in the morning after I nursed him and I had all my bags of milk labeled for which times of which days to use for MH. All in all it worked out well, so don't worry too much and definitely enjoy yourself because it's rare to get this kind of opportunity to go to this event now that we're moms =P 

SanHawaii08

originally, the trip was going to be a family vacation with me taking some time to attend the summit, but I do think it'll be better this way - less stress all around!

thanks everyone, i feel a little better after hearing your thoughts   i'm trying to focus on getting to go to the summit (yes, i'm a nerd) and less on being away.  I'm sure it'll hit me again tomorrow and it'll be hard, but for now, i'm getting excited! 

cecig

sanae78:

cecig:

I think it's totally normal to feel guilty! You'll feel so different once you're there and alone though I left C at home with my DH for 4 days once, (it was to visit my dying grandmother so definitely not a fun trip), but it was still so niiiiice. Not having to worry every single minute about changing diapers and feedings, and naps, etc.

I think it'll be fabulous for you, especially since it's for something you enjoy. I have a photography workshop in September, and I CANNOT.WAIT! 3 days all by myself, I'm giddy with joy! On that same note, I did let my DH go on a man-cation with his friends in February. I think we could all use alone time every now & then.

Hope you have fun!

Ooh, what workshop are you taking???

I'm doing one of JinkyArt's workshop retreats. I'm excited and nervous!

mrspresley

sanae78:

it was just nice to be me again and not just mommy.  KWIM?  I'm sure once you get on the road you'll feel so free - it is really nice. 

i don't have any experience w/this but i think the other girls already chimed in a lot about the guilt part but i think christine summed it up pretty good - go enjoy yourself, you deserve it!

redshoegirl

I've only gone away once - for 1 night at a work event - but this is SO true:

sanae78:

it was just nice to be me again and not just mommy.  KWIM?  I'm sure once you get on the road you'll feel so free - it is really nice. 

It's a strange feeling a first, but it's so nice! And I came back really recharged, too - missing my guys, and less frustrated by all those annoying little things (like Will refusing to keep his socks and shoes on even in the middle of winter!). 

It also made me feel better about going away in the future, and Ben and I are considering 2-3 nights away in Sept/Oct - just the two of us, with the boys at their grandparent's house. It's a little nerve wracking (ZOMG! My bebbehs! What if they cry all night? What if they miss me? *sob*) but I'm also really looking froward to a time that's just for me and Ben. 

sanae78

cecig:

sanae78:

cecig:

I think it's totally normal to feel guilty! You'll feel so different once you're there and alone though I left C at home with my DH for 4 days once, (it was to visit my dying grandmother so definitely not a fun trip), but it was still so niiiiice. Not having to worry every single minute about changing diapers and feedings, and naps, etc.

I think it'll be fabulous for you, especially since it's for something you enjoy. I have a photography workshop in September, and I CANNOT.WAIT! 3 days all by myself, I'm giddy with joy! On that same note, I did let my DH go on a man-cation with his friends in February. I think we could all use alone time every now & then.

Hope you have fun!

Ooh, what workshop are you taking???

I'm doing one of JinkyArt's workshop retreats. I'm excited and nervous!

Eeek!  So jealous!  You'll have to let me know how it goes.