Tantrums before talking...HELP!

cstyles

Funny how the kids who are intense infants, begin to turn into intense toddlers.

I joke and say that C has all the qualities I want for my adult child...he just started early!  However these same great qualities (determination, knowing what he wants, strong willed, expressive, etc...) are driving me BONKERS!!!!

We are having several tantrums an hour.  If I redirect him, he throws himself on the floor, gets red faced, and SCREAMS at the top of his lungs.  If we try to do anything he doesn't want to do, it is a full out tantrum (come in from outside, can't play in the toilet, can't climb stairs 500 times in a row, has to ride in his car seat, etc.).  He is just INTENSE!  He is either very happy, very mad, or very sad...there is no middle ground for him.

I get told a lot to "ignore the tantrums', but then how do I teach him to appropriately express these emotions?  I don't want to send the message that he can't be mad...I want to send the message that he can't express anger by throwing himself on the floor in a crying mess.   I realize it might be a LONG time before my efforts pay off, but how do/did you handle tantrums at such a young age?

*If he's angry because he's trying to do something and can't (like climb into the chair by himself), I sign help and say "mommy help you?"), but I'm not sure what to do when it's because he's told "no" or has to do something he doesn't want to (like go to bed, get in his car seat/high chair, etc.)

LurkieLoo

Have you tried sign language?  I think a few simple words helped Nolan avoid tantrums because he was able to tell us what he wanted- more, up, all done, please, thank you, milk, eat- those are the only words we taught him and he rarely used eat or milk. 

We are also big fans of redirecting here.  Its tough because I feel like I'm bribing him to get him not to do something.   Or also taking away things that cause tantrums.  Some toys really irriated him when he was young- he definitely has a temper and would get mad if he could open something himself so we just took them away.  Stairs were another big thing for him- he would go up ALL DAY LONG.  We put up a gate and only recently (like two weeks ago) took it down.  He still goes up sometimes but now he understands "no" a bit better.

 He still has a lot of tantrums and I'm chalking it up the fact thats its just that age (yes,  I know thats totally NOT what you wanted to hear)

 

Dreamsicle23

He's way too young to "appropriately express his emotions".  Adults still struggle with that one!  Just continue to redirect and/or ignore when appropriate.  Things will get better when he can express himself some more.

Army_Wife_04

Signing and redirecting worked great for us, as did ignoring the tantrums.  Also, just talking through the tantrums in a calm voice for things like getting in the carseat might help.

The only thing you an do to help your child learn to express his emotions is to model appropriate emotions for things.  When you drop something for example, I'm sure you don't starts screaming and throwing yourself on the floor , you say something like "uh oh, I dropped the cup, I need to pick it up and put it away.  This appropriate modeling will pay off in a couple years, when your toddler/preschooler has the language skills to deal with problems and emotions.

Sometimes we get mad, as do our babies and toddlers, and this is okay.  Right now, the best way your baby knows how to be mad is to scream or cry, and this is okay too, although, yes, frustrating. 

emberlee3

Dreamsicle23:

He's way too young to "appropriately express his emotions".  Adults still struggle with that one!  Just continue to redirect and/or ignore when appropriate.  Things will get better when he can express himself some more.

This.  I can't control when or whether DS throws a tantrum.  I can control whether the tantrum leads to him getting what he wants.