Adoption

Well, we made a decision

This hurts my heart, but the timing is just so bad.  I just quit my job to start my own business, giving up a steady salary for the unknown.  And there's no backing out now and just finding another job - I've already signed a lease for office space, paid money for malpractice insurance, spent money on a website and letterhead, bought office equipment, etc.  Having another child right now wouldn't just be a matter of cramping our lifestyle or finances being tight.  If my business has slow months, it would mean not having money for the child's health insurance and/or daycare. While we'd love to have another child now, our plan was for me to really focus this next year on marketing and growing my business before we thought about adopting again.  It breaks my heart and DH's, too, but this just isn't the right time.

That said, I called our fantastic adoption consultant, and asked if she would be able to find an adoptive family who lives near us who would be open to the baby having a relationship with Logan.  She said that she would have no trouble finding a situation like this.  I emailed the birth mom and asked if she would consider only Atlanta area families so Logan could still grow up with the new baby.

I really, really hope she will be interested in this.

Re: Well, we made a decision

  • I hope they're able to find a good home for the new baby that's close to you guys and that they're open to allowing your baby and their baby to interact in some way. Good luck!
    image


    image


    My little miracle.



    Zona's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
  • I can't imagine how tough a choice that was. I'm sorry.

    (And am also sort of wishing that I still lived in Atlanta! Ha.)

  • image HannaB:

    I can't imagine how tough a choice that was. I'm sorry.

    (And am also sort of wishing that I still lived in Atlanta! Ha.)

    I am so incredibly sad over this and I think this is probably the toughest decision we've ever had to make.

    What I'm trying to focus on is that it means that a waiting family who actually is ready to parent right now will be getting a baby.  And I really hope it's a family near us.  DH pointed out that neither of us have siblings who will ever have kids, so a situation like this would give Logan something similar to having a cousin - which would be awesome for him.

  • amm78amm78 member
    100 Comments Third Anniversary
    I know it was such a tough decision for you guys to make... but you had to do what you feel is best for your family.  I think it's a great idea to try and find a family in the area who would be okay with the new baby having a relationship with Logan.  What a special gift that would be for him, wow!  I think it would be a great thing!

  • amm78amm78 member
    100 Comments Third Anniversary
    I also love what you said about knowing that a waiting family will be blessed with this baby.  That's a really positive way to look at it!

  • image amm78:
    I know it was such a tough decision for you guys to make... but you had to do what you feel is best for your family.  I think it's a great idea to try and find a family in the area who would be okay with the new baby having a relationship with Logan.  What a special gift that would be for him, wow!  I think it would be a great thing!

    Would you like me to give her the link to your website if she is interested in what I proposed?  She's due in late October, does not know the sex, and the baby is biracial CC/AA.  She doesn't get prenatal care (hasn't for any of her kids, and they are all healthy), but does take prenatal vitamins.  You would need to travel to Las Vegas.  It would be a private adoption, so very affordable.  If you are interested and open to Logan seeing the baby pretty often, I'm happy to forward your profile along.

  • amm78amm78 member
    100 Comments Third Anniversary
    I'm going to send you a PM.

  • That had to be such a tough call.  Here is hoping that Logan's sister or brother finds a loving family who are happy to help them have a relationship as they grow.

     

    Left, Right
  • Sorry that you had to make this decision but you know what is best for your family.  I hope that a family can be found that lives close by and will encourage a relationship between Logan and his sibling.

     

  • We had to make the same decision and I cried for days over it.  I know what a tough decision it is.  It's been over year since we declined and I have to say there is times I wonder about that little girl.  I was hoping the adoptive family would contact us and the SW's said they would, but they never did.  All in all, I am still comfortable with our decision.  If we took her at that time, it would have impacted the care we could provide to the kids we already have.  It just wouldn't be fair to them. 
  • Your proposal sounds like the best alternative. I hope your BM agrees. We have our daughter because her bio-sisters adoptive parents said no when asked to take her. Your situation gives me insight as to why families do have to decline. It boggled my mind at the time but I thank God for the decision they made. I hope it all works out. It really does sound like a great plan! Now get some rest, I'm guessing you had a long night last night!
  • That had to be a difficult decision to make. 
    But I'm sure you know what's best for your family - and what will be best for this child. 

    I hope the right family comes along to keep you all connected.
  • What a tough decision... hugs to  you.  Doing what is right for your family is right for all involved.  Hugs....

    image Best friends and sisters... 24 months and 16 months
  • Aw, I am proud of your decision.  Unlike me, you think through things with a good head on your shoulders and don't just make decisions on a whim.  I admire that about you and wish I had the same character trait.  I will also pray that they find a suitable adoptive home for the baby that will allow Logan to have a relationship with the sibling!!!
    Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Premature Baby tickers Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker image
  • image amm78:
    I also love what you said about knowing that a waiting family will be blessed with this baby.  That's a really positive way to look at it!
    This is exactly what I was going to say. Also, I'm so sorry. I'm sure it was a tough decision. That would be great if your consultant could place the baby with a family that is close to you. It sounds like it will all work out wonderfully in the end. Please keep us posted on this situation.
    image







    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • Sending you hugs. I'm still trying to get over turning down a situation a few weeks ago even through I know it was the right thing for us. I know this is so hard but it sounds like you made the right decision that's best for you guys.

    An idea I had was to pray/visualize/intend for Logan to make a connection to a life long friend. We live far away from my brother who has kids and we're only planning to adopt one. I have a couple of life long friends in my life that to me are like siblings. One I know since I was 3. She lives in another state now but we are still close. The other I met in high school and we're truly like sisters. (we're talking over 20 years ago!). We see each other almost every day all these years. Many blood sisters don't stay that connected.

    Sounds like your business is an exciting dream of yours. Enjoy and be proud of yourself for following your dream. It's a great example for your child. (((hugs)))

    Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie First Birthday tickers
  • I just saw your other post. I didn't realize that this will be Logan's full biological sibling! You've got to find a family close to you so they can see each other. I'm sure you will. That will be a beautiful thing. Wow. Exciting! xo
    Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie First Birthday tickers
  • I realize I'm late to the party, but I wanted to offer you my empathy.

    We, too, received a sibling call. For us, it was the perfect situation--our paperwork was in Korea and the baby was placed with the right Korean agency.

    Now that our family is complete, the anxiety is still there. I dread getting another phone call--especially now that DS#2 is the same age DS#1 was the first time around. DS#2 is almost out of daycare, so our finances will FINALLY be able to recover. We're done with diapers. I never wanted more than 2 kids--and #2 is a HANDFUL!

    I've thought about the decision you had to make, and I hope that I never have to make it (for the birthmom's sake first, my own second). I hope that you can find peace with the decision you've made.

This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards