Can we talk about naming twins? (Long)

MrsVo

Since the tech at our last ultrasound guessed we are having two girls we decided to begin the naming talk.  MAN this is hard!!  We have agreed on Estelle for one of the first names - it is my great grandmother's name and we were very close + my husband loves it.  For the second first name I *think* we are going to use Charlotte.  I would rather use something a little less popular but we both love the name and that is rather hard to come by.

Here's my question though - I feel strange about honoring one of my great grandmothers and not the other.  I was very close to them both.  I'd like to use Frances as a middle name for Charlotte as that was my other great-grandmother's middle name but DH is dead set against it.  Would this cause you to scrap Estelle as well and just use all non-family names?  I also don't want one daughter to wonder why she didn't get a family name.  Help!

MamaCrystal

Are there any girl names from your husband's side that he would rather use as the MN?  Then it would still be a family name but one that he likes too. I wouldn't feel bad about using one great-grandmother's name and not the other, though, especially since you were so close to one.

All 4 of our girls' names (first and middle) are family names.  I love it!

zsvendsen

I'm not quite in your boat, because we don't know what we're having yet. However, of the various names we've been tossing around in general, about half are family names and about half aren't. And our choices for what works best together (both as first/middle names and sibling sets) don't necessarily have an even helping of family vs. non-family name. For example, if we had girls, some of the names we like include Mathilda (family name), Lucy (non-family), Beatrice (non-family). And in the boys category, we have pretty much the reverse of family vs. non-family names ratio.

In my own family, I have two older sisters. My oldest sister has two non-family names for her first/middle name. My next older sister has a non-family name for her first name, and a family name for a middle name. I have a non-family name for my first name and a family last name for my middle name. It's never bothered any of us who "got" a family name and who didn't - it really just was never a big deal. I honestly don't think we ever really thought about it in those terms. Perhaps because the people we were named "after" were not alive while we were growing up, so it was never a case of hearing someone else in the family called by "your" name, you know?

I know that's not very helpful - sorry! Good luck choosing names. My mom's advice is to pick names that you like yelling at the top of your lungs.

floridakat

We wanted to honor both Grandmothers, but we didn't particularly care for their first or middle names, so we used their maiden names as middle names.

Personally, if I'm going to use a family name for one child, I'm going to do the same for the others (twins or not).

I was named for both of my grandmothers, and my brother wasn't named for anybody. I've always found that strange.

However, I was also named for two grandmothers that neither of my parents had good relationships with. That also kinda sucked (to be named for people I didn't particularly like). To this day I have no idea why my parents did that. 

MrsLnt

We figured if one baby had a family name, both should.  I wanted to use my deceased father's name, but there was no girl name in either family I felt as strongly about using, so we used it as a middle name.  We did first names that are non-family names that we liked and MNs are family names.  DS' is after my dad and DD's is the feminine version of H's MN. 

That way each baby has a family name and a non-family name, and it's in the same "rank", kwim?  Both family names are middle names.  That is what seemed most fair and balanced to us. 

Mrs.Greg

I think you and your DH should name your children whatever you want and not feel guilty about using some family members' names and not others. And I wouldn't worry about one child's feelings being hurt because they aren't named after anyone. I have one younger brother and his first name in our paternal grandfather's first name and his middle name is our dad's name. I wasn't named after anyone and I never thought a thing about it.

MrsLoos

Our little girls middle name will be Frances because it is a family name on both sides. Why is your husband dead set against it? Charlotte is also one of our top girl names (although I think we are leaning towards Tatum) I think Charlotte Frances is a beautiful classic name.

We are using family names for both our babies' middle names, it was something that was important to us. Is there another family name that you could use? 

MrsVo

Thank you so much for the responses!  Now to try and remember everything I wanted to comment back on...

1) DH is Southeast Asian and we have a very complex last name.  For whatever reason he does not want to use Asian first or middle names for our children.  My guess is that is has to do with spelling issues they will already encounter with their last name - Basically everytime I have to tell someone my last name I have to spell it, sometimes multiple times.  So this makes him uninterested in using any of his relatives' names.

2) I am soooo glad to hear that some of you don't have family names while sibblings do and it wasn't an issue. 

3) I also really love Charlotte Frances but DH doesn't like Frances at all and wants to love all of our childrens' names.  I can respect that.  Though I am trying the bargaining tactic of "What if you choose Estelle's middle name and I choose Charlotte's?"  LOL!!!  So far, no dice.  He was quick on the "Then you'll just choose Frances." 

 

crystina06

I say just name them whatever you want. I gave one of my daughters my late mother's name for her middle name and one of my co-workers told me I have to use my MIL's name for my other daughter's middle name since I was using my mom's name. It made me wonder if it would hurt my MIL's feelings if I didn't use her name as a middle name, too, but they are my children and I wanted to name them with names my husband and I would be happy with. My other daughter got my middle name as her middle name, so it is still from a family member. I think you should just do what makes you and your husband happy and not worry about what other people are going to think about it. They are your children.

September2007

We're using family names (one from my side and one from DH's side) for middle names.  Our son will have either George (DH's grandfather) or Anthony (his other grandfather) and our daughter will have Patrice (after my aunt, who passed away tragically, but we were very close with). 

Our son's middle name will depend on the first name we pick...  If we go with William, we will use George because our last name begins with an 'R' and I don't want my child to have the initials WAR. 

We decided to honor family members, but only because of our relationships with them.  DH was very close to both of his grandfathers and we were both close to my aunt.

Good Luck with your decision!!

tvass1981

I like a PP's idea of using a feminine version of a boy's name that is a family name, if that would work for you.  But that being said, I would just use whatever names you like.  My middle name is a family name, but neither my brother's first or middle names are family names, and it's not a big deal to him.

 We are planning on using Charlotte as a first name as well, if one of the babies is a girl.   

Fancy3Face

That is why we decided against family names.  Fwiw I love both those names!!!

groovygrl

I say get creative like other pp's have mentioned! variations on names, etc.

I wanted to do family names for our kids' middle names but also wanted to be 'fair'. I wanted DS's middle name to be MH's name & he was fine with that.  MH doesn't really have any sort of allegiance to the elders of his family however, and we were not crazy about our mothers' names or any variation we could come up with and I was feeling weird about using a family name from my side & not from his, even though his name is technically from his side... so we ended up using a variant of my name for DD's middle name. 

1G2Bmommy

We chose NOT to use family names AT ALL for the twins. We both come from big families with lots of Michaels, Marks, Johns, Josephs, etc and because we had the 1st set of twins (1st grandkids, 1st of the next generation in the extended family, etc), we decided that they needed to have their own identities, their own names. Also, DH is a Jr, and he was dead set AGAINST one of the boys being a "third". That didn't exactly go over well with my FIL (he couldn't understand how/why it would be unfair for 1 twin to have DHs name, but not the other). We had thought about splitting DHs 1st and middle names and giving one to each for the boys middle names, but they didn't fit with the 1st names we'd picked. In the end, we were more than happy with our decisions. Our boys have their own identities, though the definately share their personalities with certain people in both sides of our family!

 

jcath

We don't have lots of girls on either side of the family so using living relatives names is tricky as we want to avoid hurting feelings so we're using my middle name as one middle name and a feminine version of DHs name as one middle name.  The first names are still up in the air..but just because we like them.  But we don't want to give one a family name and the other no family name.

MrsVo

Thanks again for all the responses!  DH is starting to crack a bit, LOL.  He said yesterday that he "doesn't hate Frances" so that's a start.  I'm still searching for alternatives though.  I found that Adela has the same meaning as Ethel so I may run that past him as an alternative.

klr210

Good evening --

We went with Mable as our first daughter's middle name. Only to be met with MABLE???!!! by those who didn't know it was after DH's grandmother. Then response changed immediately to how wonderful it was to connect to a beloved family member.  No one ever questioned why both families weren't represented. Her first name is straight from a baby book. We've since also elected to give our twins some sort of family names based on our mother's middle names: Clarie and  Marie. I personally love a middle name that has a back story or is meaningful for whatever reason. To me it's more than just a place holder between the first and surname. I would say using the family name Frances is a lovely tribute, a classic name and it's nice to connect back. BUT I don't think it's necessary to choose it only b/c it's the other great-grandmother's middle name. Perhaps you are close to a mom, sister, friend or your DH has a woman in his family he would like to honor by giving the middle name as a namesake.