Obsessed with VBAC... anyone else?

je2161

DD was born a little over 2 weeks ago via c/s, and every single day that passes I think about the birth with feelings of disappointment/regret and I read everything I can find about VBAC. I am grateful that both she and I are safe and healthy, and my recovery was amazingly quick and easy.

But I was counting on a vaginal birth. I am only 27 years old, had a completely complication-free pregnancy, and went into spontaneous labor. With the help of pitocin, I dilated to a 10 and was pushing. But due to her being sunny-side up, and her chin not properly tucked, when I pushed, her heart rate went too high, and the OB said it wasn't safe to keep pushing a few more hours to get her out. So we had a c/s.

I am sooo obsessed with a VBAC, and I can't wait to get pregnant again to try to have the birth I always wanted! I will prob wait at least six months before we conceive again, but I can't wait to prove to myself that I can have a vaginal birth. I think I am too obsessed with it.

I know it has been only two weeks, and I'm sure it will get better over time, but right now, it is all I think about. Anybody else going through this or went through this after a c/s? Did it get better over time for you?

MAprincess

Less than 24 hours after my CS, my midwife was sitting by my side telling me that I would be a great VBAC candidate the next time around.  At that point, I didn't want to think about another pregnancy at all.  So I wasn't obsessed right away.  As time went on, I thought about it a lot but it went into full swing when I got pregnant again.  I researched a TON, changed providers and hospitals to give myself a better chance, etc.  I also mentally prepared for the fact that it wouldn't happen.  Luckily, I did VBAC and it definitely was psychologically healing in a way.

What you are feeling is normal.  But I would suggest coming to peace as much as you can with your first birth before obsessing about your second.  While the VBAC for me was healing in a way, it didn't REPLACE the first birth I had.  I will always have the scar, I will always be a VBACer.  It is who I am.  And today I am at peace with both of my births and my two healthy children.  They each have their own unique birth stories.

iris427

MAprincess:

What you are feeling is normal.  But I would suggest coming to peace as much as you can with your first birth before obsessing about your second.  While the VBAC for me was healing in a way, it didn't REPLACE the first birth I had.  I will always have the scar, I will always be a VBACer.  It is who I am.  And today I am at peace with both of my births and my two healthy children.  They each have their own unique birth stories.

A lot of people have negative feelings about having a c/s or difficult birth and those feelings can be very intense sometimes.  You just gave birth so it's very fresh.

I definitely became obsessive about learning everything I could about VBAC.  While there are ultimately things you just can't control in childbirth, there are some things that you can control that can affect your chances of having a vaginal birth, so I wanted to do everything I could to maximize my chances.  

Give yourself time to make peace with your c/s.  It can be hard and take time, so be patient with yourself.  It's OK to feel these things, even if some people don't understand it.  With time, things get better. 

holly321

I was in a very similar situation.  I am 24, had a very easy pregnancy, dilated to almost 6 cm without being "in labor".  But when the dr. broke my water, he realized that the baby was breech.  So I had a c section, but I had to be under g/a so I missed dds birth.  At first I really wanted another baby right away because I wanted to vbac.  Then I sort of got passed that feeling. 

Then I got a positive pregnancy test, which turned out to be nothing we think it was the evaporation line.  (still waiting to for ob to call with blood test to be 100% sure).  Now I realize that I  just really want my children to be really close in age, so I think we will start trying at the end of the year. 

 I didn't think I could get passed the emotional pain of the c section, I am not quite there, but time really helps.  I hope you can find peace with your  c section, and hope you the best with a vbac, and hope you have a supportive dr.

mamaregan

 I too had to have an emergency c/s due to DD being in poor position, having the cord wrapped twice around her neck and leg, and my spiking fever.

My DD is 8.5 months old and to be honest with you I am still not over my dissapointment. Has it gotten easier to cope with? Yes, but I still am jealous and even angry when hearing of others' vaginal births. There were days in the beginning where I would just cry because I too was looking forward to a vaginal birth.

I guess my only advice would be to continue reminding yourself that a c/s was necessary and it was not your fault that she is healthy. I am also looking forward to a VBAC and will be waiting until DD is 1.5 years before TTC. I am excited to experience birth again but am hoping it is the experience I am hoping for; I am very scared that I will end up a repeat c/s.

seells

After DDs birth I was a wreck. I cried for weeks and felt like a complete failure that I wasn't able to have her vaginally. It's been a year and its still hard for me to talk about her birth without getting a little emotional over the cs. I'm (slowly) coming to terms with it and am determined to do everything possible to keep it from happening with the next baby. 

whyhellopoppyseed

COMPLETELY OBSESSED

je2161

Thanks ladies for your comments... It's so reassuring to know that other women are dealing with these same feelings, and that time will heal these wounds.

I agree that it is important to come to peace with this birth before trying for #2! As hard as it may be right now, I need to just accept the fact that I had a c/s and that will always be in my history. But by educating myself and visiting this board for inspiration, a c/s does not have to be in my future!

skio

Girl, I am so there with you. I'm disappointed every time I think back about my labor experience and I can't wait to have another go at it. That said, after the shock of the recovery period and of adjusting to life with a baby, I'm happy to wait at least a year or two before trying again.

I went into labor spontaneously 2 days before my EDD. I labored at home for 7 hours until my contrax were regular. At the hospital I walked and went in the jacuzzi and dilated to a 4.5 on my own, but it took 12 hours to get there. That's where everything went to shiit. I OK'd an epidural at that point despite having told myself I would go to at least 6cm before getting it to avoid slowing labor. Well, surprise surprise, it slowed labor. Then came the Pitocin, and that was my demise. The Pit caused such severe contrax that LO was pushed up into my rib cage with each one and I couldn't breathe. Not breathing = not being able to push productively. Nonetheless, I pushed for over 3 hours. DD was chin up and wouldn't descend. I was in extreme pain and after 23 hours of labor and not sleeping or eating for over 36 hours, I was rocked. DD's heartrate started to slow and that was it, OB said C/S and I said OK. She ended up being 9lbs and OB said she wouldn't have fit through my narrow pelvis, but I don't believe that.

There are a million what-if's, and it's hard to deal with that. I'm determined to give it a go next time and to stick with my birth plan. I comfort myself by looking at my daughter and knowing that the only real important thing is that she's here safe & healthy and that I'm okay, too.

courtneydyan

I had not ever heard about vbac until I had a c/s and was in recovery a couple days after my DS was born and the nurse mentioned it. Well when we got home and settled I started researching, and researching, and researching. I also wanted to talk about the c/s every night when my husband got home from work. (What a great, great man!!) I was definitely obsessed with it for awhile. My Dr told me that she does not think I am a good candidate for vbac so we are meeting with a Dr at another hospital just to get a second opinion. I think researching & reading helped me start to not think about it all the time. The first few weeks were super hard for me too. I think because it is all still so fresh and your hormones are still crazy (at least mine were). It will get better, it just takes time.

roonarpia+1

I was obsessed for 3 years!  Now I am pregnant and still obsessed but for different reasons!  I am having a HBAC in September!  It is great to talk about your experience, that is what started to help me come to terms with it.