I hate some people

buggerfly12

<rant>

I went to the doctor the other day to ask for a referral to a counselor. I have a lot going on right now and want to talk to someone who has no personal connection or interest. My regular doc is on maternity leave, so I saw someone else. He made me soooo mad. He told me, "You shouldn't rush into adoption yet." Then he proceeded to tell me that it may still be possible for me to have bio kids, so I should talk to an OB and find out all my options before resorting to adoption. I responded: "I have wanted to adopt for years. We WILL adopt. The only thing that's changed is that we were planning on waiting a little longer, since we thought we'd have a newborn this summer." I hate that adoption is something that some people see as second-rate. Before we lost our baby I could just tell people I don't have fertility issues. I just want to adopt, because it makes more sense and I want to experience it. Now, though, I feel the need to explain that I probably don't have fertility issues, and that one stillbirth usually isn't a huge risk factor, especially an unexplained one. Then I have to justify that we are ready to have a living child and don't care one bit how that child comes to us. We aren't adopting because we think we can't have bio kids. We're adopting because it's an amazing thing and we want to be a part of it.

</rant>

MrsKolasa

I am so sorry. People really can be insensitive jerks sometimes.

(((hugs)))

AuburnBride06

People are @ss hats. I fail to see how sharing some unseen genes or giving birth automatically make a great parent or guarantee love, like or respect from either side. 

wille2b

im sorry, that was a rude comment! people say some dumb stuff, just ignorance.. sucks to hear but let it roll off, prolly wont be the last thing you hear from someone!

 

jehnm

That was absolutely uncalled for!  I'm sorry your doctor felt it was their place to tell you what to do.  I've gotten a lot of people asking if we've done IVF already since we moved on to adoption.  A lot are shocked that we would adopt without trying every single thing to have a bio child.  It's frustrating for sure!

 

buggerfly12

wille2b:

im sorry, that was a rude comment! people say some dumb stuff, just ignorance.. sucks to hear but let it roll off, prolly wont be the last thing you hear from someone!

 

Yeah, it's not the first, either. Just the first from a doctor! I would expect a family doctor to be more understanding of people who want families.

wille2b

buggerfly12:

wille2b:

im sorry, that was a rude comment! people say some dumb stuff, just ignorance.. sucks to hear but let it roll off, prolly wont be the last thing you hear from someone!

 

Yeah, it's not the first, either. Just the first from a doctor! I would expect a family doctor to be more understanding of people who want families.

even after adopting my family doc still asks if i am going to give him a little sister, and when i respond with adoption things she is like "i wasnt talking about adoption"

oh well!

so1966

so sorry you had to deal with that!   what happened to professional people who don't offer inappropriate advice and are simply supportive of a personal decision!...

MummyGruetzie

I've been appalled at how many people could NOT wrap their heads around why we would adopt a child with special needs when "we could have our own healthy child". As if adoption was second rate and only for people with fertility issues. I've found that some people truly are just uninformed and once you explain they get it. Other people are just plain ignorant and there won't ever be enough explaining to get through to them. 

I'm so sorry for what you've just been through and that you have to relive any of it in such unpleasant situations. Hope you're able to find the right person to talk with. . .   

 

Floridamom224

HUGS!

Smiley_grl52

jehnm:

That was absolutely uncalled for!  I'm sorry your doctor felt it was their place to tell you what to do.  I've gotten a lot of people asking if we've done IVF already since we moved on to adoption.  A lot are shocked that we would adopt without trying every single thing to have a bio child.  It's frustrating for sure!

 

I get this same thing ALL. THE. TIME. I answer them nicely for now. But one of these days I know I'm gonna be in a bad mood and be really rude. lol. People just don't understand and I'm sorry that you had to hear it from a doctor. Hugs!

buggerfly12

Thanks, everyone. Having someone understand makes ignorance less irritating.

mdm2137

People are jerks. My primary care physician (who is also my second cousin) said, "Oh, I wouldn't adopt. My two friends who adopted have kids with borderline personality disorder. You just never know what you're going to get." I must've missed the part where you KNOW what you're going to get with a biological child. Yes, you know medical history but there is still the possiblity of many "issues." Her statement made me soooo angry!