Update to "HR girl keeps texting me" from last week, and WWYD?

The_Jen626

I'm too lazy to link the post, if you haven't read it, scroll down, you'll see it, it has like 1500 views or something ridiculous.

Anyway.

I texted her back last week "the notes are on my front porch" and she wrote me back "thanks, I will pick up this afternoon".  I went to lunch with 2 of my closest friends, and talked to them about the situation, and they both said it was time to cut her out of my life.  So that night I deleted her from my facebook.

Two days later, I get a very long text message from her.  "So not sure what happened all of a sudden to be "defriended" on facebook and all of a sudden u won't return texts regarding lunch but would have thought u would have at least talked to me about whatever is going on.  Sorry to see things be like this.  I wish u luck in whatever and would still like 2 get together if u r ever up to it."

(Sidenote, I can't stand when people use 2morrow or 4get in place of actual words...ugh.  So I was doubly annoyed when I read that!)

So... that was on Thursday, and I haven't written her back.  Frankly, after her telling me she wouldn't be a reference for me, I really have no desire to maintain a friendship with her.  I'm just not sure if there's any reason that I should call her or write her back?  I'm leaning towards no.

JLS0320

Ignore

luvmagoldn

Ignore and move on.

monkski

You certainly don't owe her an explanation, but I've had a few friends disappear out of my life and I never knew why. It still haunts me to this day. If you could send her a quick text that just explains why you feel the need to cut ties, it will help put closure to the situation. I agree that she is definitely someone that you don't need around though!

shannm

Ignore her.  Really, let it go.

babypuplove

If she's in HR, there's a good chance she isn't allowed to give you a reference.  Either way, I'd just say something simple along the lines of "Sorry, after the less than positive way things ended at "company", I'm moving on."  Ignoring her seems harsh if she really was just following protocol, but it also seems ridiculous at this point to remain friends.  Good luck!

Genevieve_kris

babypuplove:

If she's in HR, there's a good chance she isn't allowed to give you a reference.  Either way, I'd just say something simple along the lines of "Sorry, after the less than positive way things ended at "company", I'm moving on."  Ignoring her seems harsh if she really was just following protocol, but it also seems ridiculous at this point to remain friends.  Good luck!

This is exactly what I would do.  End it.  It seems like ignoring her is not working.

EastCoastBride

babypuplove:

If she's in HR, there's a good chance she isn't allowed to give you a reference.  Either way, I'd just say something simple along the lines of "Sorry, after the less than positive way things ended at "company", I'm moving on."  Ignoring her seems harsh if she really was just following protocol, but it also seems ridiculous at this point to remain friends.  Good luck!

THis, on all points.  I read your original post too and I dont' get why you're so upset that she won't be a reference. As many people told you there and also here - she may not be allowed to be a reference for you. 

She still sounds immature regardless, and I think you're probably better off just stepping away. But the reference part of it isn't the reason to do so.

EastCoastBride

I have to add- I'm actually a tad suspicious that she picked up that quickly that you defriended her.  I only have 137 friends.  If I saw it go to 136, I'd honestly have a hard time figuring out who "defriended" me.  There are "friends" who I just don't really pay attention to - they could defriend me and I'd nevr realize it.

So for her to realize you did that quickly- she was looking for it.  Why?

The_Jen626

EastCoastBride:

I have to add- I'm actually a tad suspicious that she picked up that quickly that you defriended her.  I only have 137 friends.  If I saw it go to 136, I'd honestly have a hard time figuring out who "defriended" me.  There are "friends" who I just don't really pay attention to - they could defriend me and I'd nevr realize it.

So for her to realize you did that quickly- she was looking for it.  Why?

I know, that freaked me out.  I've defriended a few people before, and had them contact me 5-7 days later with a "wtf" message, but not even 48 hours later?

The only thing I can think of is that she was specifically trying to keep tabs on me...for what, I don't know.

Some days I post 2-3 times in that day, and sometimes I will go 2 days without posting anything.

I've never noticed that anyone has defriended me...I guess I just don't care that much?  I don't even know how many friends I have, lol...maybe 100 total?

The_Jen626

EastCoastBride:

babypuplove:

If she's in HR, there's a good chance she isn't allowed to give you a reference.  Either way, I'd just say something simple along the lines of "Sorry, after the less than positive way things ended at "company", I'm moving on."  Ignoring her seems harsh if she really was just following protocol, but it also seems ridiculous at this point to remain friends.  Good luck!

THis, on all points.  I read your original post too and I dont' get why you're so upset that she won't be a reference. As many people told you there and also here - she may not be allowed to be a reference for you. 

She still sounds immature regardless, and I think you're probably better off just stepping away. But the reference part of it isn't the reason to do so.

Several of my girlfriends work in HR at different companies.  All of them have told me that if hypothetically I worked there, then they fired me, and I asked them for a reference, and they weren't allowed to, that they still would.

I'm not that hung up on that specific part, that was just the final straw for me.  She was a total biitch to me several times in the last few years, and I just brushed it off because I knew I'd have to see her the next day at work.  I actually wrote a long post about her on the MM board last year.  My feelings towards her aren't new.

MBandBud

Ignore

KathrynMD

honestly, this whole thing sounds so high school drama rama - I'd just step away.

And, also - yeah the whole text typing thing is a turn off too.

saragus

The_Jen626:

Several of my girlfriends work in HR at different companies.  All of them have told me that if hypothetically I worked there, then they fired me, and I asked them for a reference, and they weren't allowed to, that they still would.

That's kind of weird and unprofessional, in my opinion.

I would at least tell this girl WHY you aren't friends anymore instead of just brushing her off with no explanation because it seems like she isn't taking the hint.

ASmallWonder

I just read the original post.  It sounds like you were never great friends anyway BUT I think it's unfair of you to be upset that she A) didn't warn you that you were getting fired and won't act as a reference.  Beyond being your friend, you need to realize that she is in HR at a company that let you go.  If she values her job at all she could NOT warn you about what was coming.  I had intimate knowledge that my entire organization was being shut down and couldn't say a word to a close friend and she understood.  I would have been risking my own job/severance to do so and I imagine she would have been let go if they found out she couldn't keep confidential information to herself.  HR folks who still work for the company you left shouldn't give a character reference because it's a conflict of interest.  As far as work is concerned, she works for them FIRST and is friends with you SECOND.

jpsquared

Just read the OP...WEIRD.  Anyway, did she already get the notes then?  One thing I would say is email her to verify that she received the notes.  That way you have a record.

I would notice if someone defriended me, although I might not know who unless there was a specific incident prompting it. That being said, I was once fighting with someone and I noticed within an hour that they defriended me.  It's really not as sneaky as you'd think.

Honestly, it sounds like she feels caught in the middle of everything and is hurt. Obviously she gets that you're upset but probably also feels like it's not her fault.  She didn't fire you, your boss did.  It also sounds, though, like there is something else going on...