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Single Parents
Back to work
I'm feeling really guilty that I have to take Barrett to daycare next week so I can go back to work. He'll only be 5 weeks old. But quite frankly until I can't afford to stay home the whole 6 weeks because we still don't have CS set up and I used up a lot of my vacation/sick time in my 2nd trimester when I hurt my back.
It's just frustrating that I've paid for everything to prepare for Barrett, all his expenses since his birth, and now I have to go back to work so I can continue to provide for him all by myself. It's bad enough I have to take care of him by myself. I know that since I've filed for support I will get back pay from this time, but that's not helping me right now and it's just one more thing on top of adjusting to life with a newborn.
I love love love Barrett more than anything, but it's hard doing this on my own. And I really hate that I already have to feel guilty about things like this.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Back to work
Same for Ohio... you have to go to juvenile court to get an order for back CS.
Sorry, Becca. I know there are lots of ladies on here who don't get any financial assistance and make it work without it. I'm doing that now, but it does help that there is an end in sight; he will have to (and has the ability to) pay eventually. It's just that extra slap in the face that he can and doesn't until someone makes him.
I wasn't awarded CS and probably never will, so I understand how much it sucks to not get any help. That being said, even if I was awarded CS there is no way I would count on the money (for my situation personally) because I would probably never see it. I hope your situation is different and your LOs father will at least step up financially.
It's definitely hard to do it all on your own, but it's more than possible. There are good days and bad days, but in the end I know it's all worth it!
Thank you Captain Obvious who came out of hiding specifically to spew the snark.
I understand where you are coming from OP, however, it's the dilemma that many of us are in. XH owes me over $13K in back child support. It's extremely frustrating and sometimes I do get resentful...especially right now. I am stressed TO THE MAX about money and am working almost twenty hours a week in OT just to make ends meet. It's definitely a struggle and I feel for you, but remember that it will get better.
And think of those who get no child support period because our exes have no wages to garnish. I may never get the money that XH owes but I try not to dwell on it because there is NOTHING that I can do.
Going back to work is tough. But you are doing what you have to do to provide the best life you can for your child. And that is nothing to feel guilty about.
(((hugs)))
Oh, snap
BFP 1/18/11, EDD 10/1/11. Born at 37w5d on 9/15/11.
***BFP Chart***
"There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.
Right, because if she would have just gotten KU by some random hookup or her douchebag of a husband like most of us, she wouldn't have to go back to work and she wouldn't be feeling guilty about putting her baby in daycare.
At least her child's father has a job, isn't in jail and can pay child support.
I chose to turn a blind eye and thought a baby would solve my marriage...GET OUT of my head!!! Mind readers scare me!!
I have two thoughts here---
1. oh! Oh! Read my mind! tell me where I effed up! Please!
2. How did you become so perfect? Please tell us about yourself, BSC(get it, bat??) lurkey loo stalker!
Where's the option for C, all of the above? That is my final answer.
You might be awarded back support but he sure as heck isnt going to hand you a check for the whole amount.
I get $17 in back child support. Woot.
There is that, the way my CO works is that I "get" my monthly amount and $50 extra to towards arrears. Also if he gets a lump sum such as tax return/lottery winnings/inheritance I get the current amount due and then everything else is applied towards arrears.
It took 9 years of wage garnishment and tax returns until he got an inheritance that paid the over 10K of CS arrears he had racked up. That came in a lump sum.
And now a year later, after he was "all caught up" guess who's behind in CS again...
Using 'sweetie' condescendingly.
Using empahatic periods between words.
Not saying you're perfect, but implying so.
Eyerolling at the bat jokes
Not reading my mind
Furthermore, I'm wondering how you telling achase that is holding her accountable for her mistakes? Please enlighten me there? Don't you think the lack of child support, emotional support, mortgage, debt, raising a child alone is being help accountable?
Some have called me brave for having the guts to put my story out there to help others and (obviously) for scrutiny from those who are so bold that they hide behind an AE.
Oh no, that really struck a nerve, why did you have to bring up such a touchey subject again. I prefer to sob into my steel cut oats, though, TYVM (they're healthier).
BTW, thanks for livening up the board!
I'm being accountable and taking care of the physical and emotional needs of my newborn son without his father's assistance. That's a tough job and what I have to do because of my choices - so I'm lying in my bed, so to speak and didn't make a complaint or have a pity party about it.
But financial assistance is his legal obligation, married or not, and I'm frustrated with the system as much as him that it is taking this long as there is a child who needs things now, not when the system gets around to it.
Thanks to those who understand this frustration and have been supportive. Lurkylulu, I've acknowledged you as much as I'm going to.
Nope, I am not supporting the op! Not at all!! Just like to clarify that!
ETA: And it is completely possible to support a person-- as a single mom-- despite how they came to be one.
I completely support her as a mom, just not the actions it took for it to happen like that. Then again, we all make mistakes and don't want those to be held against us forever. Lord knows I have made some mistakes!
Yup, ITA with all of the above.
The OP didn't make vows to the father's wife. The OP didn't force the father of the baby to enter into a relationship with her.
She owes the wife nothing. HE is the one that had an affair that has produced a child that will need to be cared for by him even if it's only financially.
Maybe she didn't force him, but she knew he was married. WTF did she think, he was suddenly going to be a stand-up guy once she got pregnant?
The wife and children involved here are the ones who deserve sympathy, not the OP or baby daddy.
Sure you can feel sorry for the wife, but really do you need to bash the OP over and over and over again. She's been sufficently flamed while she was pg. Eventually, everyone will need to move on from the fact that her child was the result of an affair.
What would be suffient remose for you? Are you the OP's lover's spurned wife? I feel bad for you that you are so invested in this that you need to keep throwing it in her face.
The child is here and needs to be cared for and have needs met. She's here for hlep and to comisserate as the where the money will come from and will it be enough.
Maybe you should look at your own marriage and see where and with whom your husband is spending his time.
If I remember correctly the wife is well aware of the husband's affair so she's been informed. Why would anyone feel sorry for her if she's made a clear choice to stay with a man who committed adultrey (while she was pregnant as well, if my memory is right about it all, it's been some time since OP originally posted about this)?
Many of us on this board had husbands who committed adultrey and chose to leave the situation. While I'm not judging the wife for staying, she also knows full well what she is dealing with, as all of us would have had we decided to stay.
Oh I didn't realize how much you had personally and emotionally invested in this one woman's life.
I'm sorry if the letter she wrote you was a shock and that your and your H will be paying her CS.
Um, I prefer the term "1st degree felon." If you're going to stalk the SP board at least get your facts straight...
To the original poster- I am sorry you have to go back to work so early. Actually I am sorry for every women that has to go back so early- 5 weeks isn't very long and you are probably still hormonal, emotional, and not fully healed.
I don't mean to be mean, but you were pregnant for 9 months- did you not come up with a plan for how you were going to support yourself and the baby during that time? The reason I point this out is there are lots of people who are out of work these days. You need to be strong and figure this out for you and your child. You can do it.
LJF, I had to go back to work at 6 weeks and it sucked. It wasn't nearly long enough, but because to take maternity leave without pay, that was all I could do. I feel your pain there. The CS may not happen right away, so make sure you have a contingency plan. Also, unless the 2 parties agree on an amount right from the start, it's almost unheard of to get CS only 5 weeks after the baby is born.
To the poster who commented that LJF had 9 months to prepare.... I did too, but those 9 months were filled with buying every single thing the baby needed by myself (mostly second hand), and putting every other cent I could scrounge in savings just to be able to pay bills during my 6 weeks off. It's not nearly as easy as you make it sound, especially on one income.
8/25/10
That's "Dr. fvcking trainwreck" to you. TIA