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Two Under 2
2u2 on purpose..
DS is 3 months old next week and I am ready to TTC. My only fear is that I am not giving DS the quality time he needs with me and dh. BUT he wont remember that he didnt get time alone as an only child.
I know these are irrational fears, but do you ladies have any regrets with having you lo's so close?
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Re: 2u2 on purpose..
There's always going to be some guilt and second guessing when it comes to TTC #2. I never went on BC after I had C, and the baby fever started when he was 5-7 months old. When he was 10 months I had my first PP period, and got pregnant that cycle. The first week after my BFP I was on an emotional rollercoaster, going from being thrilled to be pg to crying because I felt so guilty, to excited, to scared, etc.
Now I'm consistently happy. I knew I wanted my kids close, preferably 2u2, and I feel like it's the right decision for my family. I just needed a little time to get over the "holy crap what have I gotten myself into" period. Good luck!
We didn't do it "on purpose," but, as terrified as I was when I got pregnant, I have absolutely no regrets. It is very hard, and has only recently started to get easier, but it's just better and better every day. DD1 is 20 months and DD2 is 7.5 months and it's so much fun watching them interact (well, for the two minutes a day that DD2 isn't crying). I'm so happy that they will have each other throughout life, and so thankful that we DID have an oops. Because never in my right mind would I have planned to have them a year apart.
That said, I think it's absolutely true that when you have more than one child, they miss out on one-on-one time with parents. Anyone who says that's not the case is lying - it's simple math. But I think the tradeoff is totally worth it.
When I'm tending to one DD and the other is crying, yes, it bugs me. But I try to turn it around and remind myself that they are learning at a very early age to share, to be patient, to develop self-soothing skills that I hope will translate to strength and independence and all those wonderful qualities I want them to have. And it's cliche, but true, that DD2 won't remember crying in her bouncer while I put DD1 to sleep, and DD1 won't remember tugging on my ankle to go play while I was nursing DD2. But just a few years from now, they'll be creating lots of memories of growing up together.
<a href="http://s5.photobucket.com/albums/y161/putalittlepolkainyourdot/?action=view
I don't have regrets.
Honestly, the argument of "you should wait because you will miss milestones of your first and blah blah" doesn't hold much water with me. If you go by that logic, all second, third, fourth kids are not getting the attention they deserve because they are never the "only" and the sole center of attention. It would be impossible to have more than one child if we believed that every child deserve 3-4 years in the spotlight.
We were suprised by our pregnancy but thrilled nonetheless. During my pregnancy I honestly don't think it impacted my parenting. Even with a high risk dx. I still spent a ton of time with my DD. It wasn't until I hit about 32ish weeks that getting off the floor became hard
. I would joke to my husband that he was going to come home and find me on the family room floor in teh exact place he left me.
It has been challenging at times, and there certainly have been times when one baby has had to cry a little longer than I would like or when I have felt bad having to prioritize which baby needs to be tended to first. But that is balanced out by the joy that they have with each other. They LOVE each other. When I go get my daughter out of her crib in the morning the FIRST thing she asks is "where's the baby?". I usually put him in her crib for a few minutes so she can hug him and give him toys. And he loves her too... She makes him laugh and laugh. I truly think that siblings are a huge gift.
Is it hard work? Yes. But after 6 months (and counting...) with 2u2 I can honestly say that I think it has been great. I really think that my kids are going to be wonderful, lifelong friends. I feel like I get to soak up both of their milestones just fine. Do I occasionally wish I could just focus on one or the other longer? Absolutely. But I think I would feel that way nomatter when I decided to have more kids.
GL!
Married 6/28/03
Kate ~ 7/3/09 *** Connor ~ 11/11/10
4 miscarriages: 2007, 2009, 2013, 2014
*~*~*~*~*
No more TTC for us. We are done, and at peace, as a family of 4.
"Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but – I hope – into a better shape.” — Charles Dickens
Honestly, there's nothing I regret and even knowing what I know now, I wouldnt do anything different. And my 2u2 were planned.
Maybe it's because of my situation, but I feel like both of my kids get adequate quality alone time. However, my parents watch the kids for 10 hours a week since I work part time, so they get one on one time then since my dad tends to the baby while my mom tends to DS. Also, my DH doesnt work crazy hours or anything so he's home a lot. In the evenings, they get one on one time a lot. I think my kids probably get even more 1 on 1 time than siblings spaced 4+ years apart that happen to be in daycare/school. I think it's safe to say that kids in daycare survive and thrive even though they don't get 1 on 1 attention all day, everyday.
I also think that 1 on 1 time is overrated. I think that's merely for the parent's benefit, not the child's IMO. Plus, if you have good time management and organizational skills you can greatly cut down the amount of time either child is crying for anything. I prep a lot during naptimes/before the kids wake up so I'm not scrambling to make my DS breakfast/cut it up for him while I'm trying to make a baby's bottle at the same time. Rarely is one of my kids crying while I'm tending to the other. Plus, I like that I can teach them things together. Every morning, I have the baby in one arm and DS in the other and we lay in bed and read books together. The close bond that they already have is priceless-their faces light up when they see each other in the morning. No one makes my DD laugh like my DS. It is a blast having them close and I wouldnt change it for the world.
This is what I was going to say. I had some worries having #2 even when DS was almost 4 years old! Since the baby has been here though, it has all worked out. I know it will be the same this time around. It will all work out. I also like the idea that DS2 will never remember life without #3. I guess it will be challenging at first, but it probably would regardless of when we have #3. You just make the decision you feel is right for your family. GL!
My 2u2 were planned! I'm 32 and my husband is 43 - we couldn't wait too much longer! My nephews are 13 months apart exactly (not planned) and now that they are older they are best buds and I love that. My brother and I were 4 years apart and were never that close until we were older so I always knew I wanted 2 close together.
I never went on BC after LO and had hoped, prayed that I would miraculously get pg even while bf'ing but it didn't happen so after 9 months, I stopped and 2 months later got pg! Now the little ones will be 19 months apart!
Deciding on when to have number two is such a hard decision and I don't think there's any one right answer for all families. On one hand you'd be juggling two babies as opposed to waiting and having more time with just your current LO. On the other, it's really hard being pregnant and chasing/carrying a 30 lb toddler. I'm also very concerned with how DS will react with jealously to having a little brother. I think it's going to be a hard transition on him. For these reasons maybe it would have been easier to have them closer together. Our second isn't here yet so I don't have any advice on how that part of life will go.
I'm not 2u2 yet, but we're thinking about it. I've never understood the argument that you feel like you're taking away time from #1, when the children after #1 will never get that "alone" time with either parent(s).
I can understand feeling some guilt, b/c I feel it too sometimes when I think of #2, but at the same time I'm more excited to expand our family and give DS a little brother or sister.
I also think the younger #1 is, the better almost, b/c then they don't know anything different than having a younger sibling.
ETA: I didn't read the previous posts before posting, but I agree with them too!
Ours are 22 months apart and I really like the spacing. Baby fever started around 6 months and I wanted to make sure I was healthy before I got pregnant again. It took me until DS was 11 months to be at that point (got pregnant the next cycle).
I never would have guessed I was going to be so tired during my pregnancy. I feel like there were times when I was a really crappy Mom because I just wanted to lay around. My morning sickness was so bad that anytime DS saw I toilet he would pretend to spit in it! Honestly, it was a rough year with pregnancy and new baby fatigue. I don't feel like I missed out on anything, but I do feel like we could have had done more trips, play dates, etc.. I wouldn't change it all though. Sacrifices are going to be made when you add another child no matter what the age difference is.
Our 2u2 wasn't on purpose, but I love the spacing and love having two. I look at DS now and think he'd be bored to tears without his baby sister around.
That said, have you always wanted babies really close together? Or is it possible you're just so in love with your new baby that you want to recapture that ASAP? Make sure it's really what you want, because as fun as 2u2 is, it's also a LOT more work. I always say it's not just twice as much work to have two, it's about 10 times more work. If it hasn't always been your plan to have two close together, wait a few months and see how you feel. Even if you get pregnant 6 months from now, you'll still have kids very close in age. Mine are just shy of 17 months apart and I love the age gap they're at.
(read it. you know you want to.)
anderson . september 2008
vivian . february 2010
mabel . august 2012
I agree. Ours was on purpose and are 18 m apart and I love it, it is more work but its fine by me. I would not, on the other hand, want them a year apart. I loved 1.5y apart and thats the closest I would want them. I BF DS while pg with DD and it was hard. This time we want #3 a little farther apart, and one reason is I want to BF without being pg. It wasnt an option to quit before a year, so I BF while pg for 4 months and it was tiring.
I think 3 months is a honeymoon age for me, they start sleeping better (as did I), smiling more, laughing etc. The clouds part and things are good. It gets a little harder and easier when the are mobile, but nonetheless, its tiring.
GL in your decision. If you are unsure I would sit on it a bit.
I don't regret that we had ours almost exactly 2 years apart..but in retrospect I wish we had a bigger spacing. 2 kids has been a lot harder than I thought it would be. DD2 is extremely needy, difficult and demanding. She still doesn't STTN. She still cries a lot. She has severe seperation anxiety. It's been hard to take care of her and a 2 year old. If DD1 had been 3 or even 4 when DD2 was born things would be so much better. DD1 is just still very dependent on DH and I, as is DD2.
We won't TTC #3 until DD2 is at least 2 years old. But we'll probably wait even longer. until she is 3 or even 4. It's hard because physically I want another and I do have baby fever sometimes..but for my mental health and emotional well being We need to wait a lot longer. DD2 has been very taxing on both of us, to be honest. But I do love my children and I do hope to have 1 more, just not anytime soon
had DD2 been easier we might have considered another 2 year age gap.
2 beautiful children
proud mommy!