- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
3rd Trimester
How do you fall prey to stereotypes with this pregnancy (You don't actually have to read the whole p
This discussion has been closed.
Re: How do you fall prey to stereotypes with this pregnancy (You don't actually have to read the whole p
I have to say I am in the same boat. My husband and I got married when I was 19, and we are just having our first child.( I am now 21, and my husband is 22) The amount of comments I get about ?looking so young? and random strangers asking us if we are still in high school is actually annoying. Most of the time we laugh and then give them one of our business cards, and tap the name under the word CEO and say something like ?In fact, we own and run (insert business name here) if you need anything done on your car like a custom rebuild, call us.?
While I have moments when I want to just pull the random and seemingly rude stranger off to the side and tell them my life and explain that NO; I went to college I graduated early?I am married and have been for a little bit of time..etc I just step back and remember simply I don?t need to prove anything to anybody.
It is what it is, everyone has thoughts on what?s right and wrong. In the end all that matters is that I know that I doing what?s right for myself, and my family.
Good Look OP, I enjoyed your post very much.Eiskonigin: YGPM.
Blog: http://hellodarlingxoxo.blogspot.com/
And you really do have quite an attitude. OP has been nothing but polite in her post. I think you are reading way too much into it.
I'm curious as to the correlation between young married couples and the military. In no way is this a flame or snark or an overgeneralization but I noticed a lot of the "agreeing" posts were also young military couples. My step brother joined the Army at 19 and was married at 20 (and then again at 23, currently divorced). I have 2 cousins who did the same and I know of a few other young men who enlisted right out of HS and were married within 2 years.
Reiterating that I'm not judging or being nasty, just a common thread I've noticed.
How so?
Married Filing Jointly Blog
You know, I'm not sure what it is exactly. But to be honest, we are one of the youngest couples out of the poeple we do know, most of the others my husband work with are well over 25. I know a few people who have a 'contract marriage'. This is where they get married to make a little extra money, and that may be a very very small part of it. But, I can't speak for all military marriages. My husband wasn't in the military or even joining before we were married, so I guess our situtation is a tad different from what other's might be. But again...I have no clue. It is interesting though.
You claim she came in with "guns blazin". But really all she did was relay her story and ask for other people's stories. Nothing wrong with that. And then when you continuously call her out on things, she apologizes. Sounds to me like you are just looking for a fight.
Ugh, I'm on the other end of the spectrum with the age thing so I get the "it's good your having kids now since you are running out of time." Then they'll turn around and say, "wow, you are having them really close together."
Last year we moved from TN so DH could quit work and go to school full-time. To do this we are living with my parents till our house sells, which may end up being the entire time DH is in school with the way the housing market is lol. Anyway I have had several people say things like, I can't believe you are living off your mom and dad (I am a nurse working 5 days/week and still paying all the bills we paid before), why did you get pregnant again if you can't afford another place to live (house selling would be awesome-didn't think it would take this long), and my fave - what a burden to your parents (they are who convinced us to do this since they hated being 10 hours from their only grandchild. My dad basically got me my job at the hospital lol.) So those are mine. Oh and if I don't have my wedding rings on at Wal-Mart I get some pretty strange looks being big pregnant with our tiny toddler in the cart.
Teens think they're in lurve with their gf/bf and panic when they have to move away to wherever they're stationed so they get married and play house. You also get more money (housing allowance) if you get married b/c you now have a dependent so that makes it even more alluring to kids fresh out of HS.
Additionally, since so many of your buddies are getting married and KU, it's the "normal" thing to do.
That's my short and sour version. Obviously, not every military marriage is like this but it is an unfortunate side effect of teenagers having a steady income and being lonely/vulnerable during/after basic training and moving away from their family.
Yeah. I won't deny that this is a big part of it. It's not to say that these marriages don't work out, some do. But in my experience several military members marry young in order to stay together, or marry quickly for the same reason.
Hell, DH and I married to stay together. I actually joined the service first but having been together for three years, and I had been paying 80% of the bills for a year (I worked more than he did), we talked about it and decided it was the best course of action. Wow, when I say it like that it sounds like it was loveless, haha. That's not the case, seven years married and having a child we are very much still in love. But we did marry to stay together, for the extra cash, and for the other perks (like medical, low cost dental, not paying for spouse to move, etc.). Continuing dating didn't provide anything extra except the ease of breaking up if our relationship came to that.
See, such an idealistic view of life is a hallmark of being young. Life isn't always about what you want. You want to be married young, be a stay at home mom and live happily ever after. If it works, you'll have a wonderful and happy existence.
But, the divorce rate is 50%. What if your wonderful man decides in 3 years that he kind of missed out on his young hellion days and wants out of the marriage? Half of you young whippersnappers posting here will be in that situation. Actually, it might be a higher percentage because I believe young marriages have a higher ratio of divorces.
So to answer your question (and the follow up questions asking the same thing), here is the difference. If my husband came home one day and said, "I never want to see you again" I'd be OK financially. I have my own job. I have a college and law degree. I don't NEED him. He knows that. I want him, I don't need him. I can have a perfectly comfortable life on my own. A young SAHM is trapped by her inability to support herself or her children. A young mom is then going to have to try to work 2-3 jobs to make ends meet, especially if the man becomes a deadbeat dad. And yes, you can go to school anytime. But it's a lot easier when you're young and single to get your degree. Once you add kids, and bills, and spending time with a husband, it gets a lot rougher.
Another point on "what if it's what you want?" I would love to be a SAHM. I'm only 2 weeks from having a baby myself and still hoping that'll be the ultimate outcome. But again, if I needed to, I could go from being a SAHM to making a heckuva nice living for myself almost immediately if I had to. I wouldn't have to go get a bachelors degree, then try to get a job or try to get a graduate degree on top of it, all the while trying to make enough money to put food in my children's mouths.
And about the military young marriages, I've noticed that too. Lots of enlistedmen (or women) marry the current sweetheart so they're not separated and can get the additional benefits. Lots of young marriages and lots of ultimate young divorces, with the non-military spouse not getting any sort of schooling or job training.
And before you even ask, my husband is former active duty and currently in the reserves, so we are a military family.
Ah, finally finished reading all the replies.
Regarding the having it all mentality, that's not my mentality at all. It's not really about having it all. It's about having enough to get by should the worst happen. It's about being prepared. It's about setting yourself up for success, not failure. Can you get married at 18 and succeed in life with relatively little adversity? Absolutely. But two adults without educations, with only one person working, with getting married before they're both fully mature, with having kids before they've had a chance to work out their own childish behaviors...that's like throwing up obstacles you don't need.
Marriage and parenthood and life in general is so much easier when you give yourself the tools you need in advance.
um - no - i'm 27 i'm pretty sure that's not super young....
OP, I hope only for the best for you and your family.
I will say that I have been mature for my age my whole life. However, my maturity level at 19 is no where near my maturity level at almost 28. Even though you seem to have your head on your shoulders, you still have a long way to go and a lot to see. By the time I was your age, I was in college and had lost a parent. That matured me in a different way that having children did not.
I'm 27 and DH is 32. We got married when I was 24 and he was 30. He has an absolute baby face and I've been called Brook Shields by the guys at the gas station down the street since I was 16 ( hey never got carded for smokes). When we got married we immediately wanted to have kids but no dice. We both had steady jobs and had a really great nest egg to buy a home. Last summer I lost my job and low and behold a month later I'm preggers ( I had been told for two years that work stress had been killing my fertility). Now the nest egg is paying for this upcomming LO cause nobody hires and prego chick. We dealt w/ two years of " why don;t you guys have kids?" and even one SIL telling people I didnt want kids! very hurtful. Now it's my poor DH has to support my lazy butt...nice.
Oh the best stereotype? My DH wanted to be a priest so all of his early 20's was spent w/ that. He changed his mind ( before vows thank you) and decided he wanted a wife and kids. 4 years after that he meets me in college. We graduate together THEN date THEN marry.... I still get the " You stole him from his vocation" by some people who don't care to hear the story.
Interesting thread, ladies. I see both sides of the debate. I got married at 20 (DH was 24) because we were sooooo in luuuuve. At the time, I had no formal education, and DH didn't even have his HS diploma. We had decent jobs, but I think our families were both very worried for us.
Fast forward to today: We've been happily married for 5 years. I'm halfway through my BA. I also am two courses shy of completing a business admin diploma.
DH got his HS diploma and has since received the better part of a diploma in business admin, which he will finish online, since he is now working full time with baby coming.
We also both have done a fair bit of traveling, and have owned our own home for the past three years.
That being said, we did wait 5 years to have a baby, which certainly made it easier to go to school, etc. I am a little nervous about what the next couple of years will look like with regards to finances and our continuing education. If I had waited to get married, and/or started attending college earlier, this would have been much, much easier.
Also, while I love my DH, we have had to deal with issues in our marriage that frankly would not have existed had we gotten married later. The older I get, the more I realize that we simply lucked out. I was an idiot at 20, and at 30 I will probably think I was an idiot at 25. But even though I was a complete knob, I managed to somehow choose a fantastic man, and made a few really good choices regarding my education, finances, and we even had the sense to remain childless for a while (even though I was baby crazy when we first got married).
I am happy with my life and wouldn't trade it. But when I think of my baby, I admit that I hope for her something a little different. I would hope that she would go out and travel, get her education, save a little money, and live her life before getting married or having babies. That's just my take.
OP- You have an amazing story and I have much respect for how you have handled the replies to this thread. I know it was meant to be positive, and you tried to keep it just that. Unfortunately some people are downers.
Well apparently I fall under the category of "young and stupid"
I do not feel the need to tell my story since it will be judged accordingly. I will say that many of my friends that are high school sweethearts are struggling right now in their marriage. A common problem that I see is that one or both were not completely committed to begin with and unfortunately will one day end in divorce.
My experience thus far has made me realize that without many of the life lessons I learned before our marriage, I would not appreciate what DH is to me today. Maybe if we would have waited a little longer, I would appreciate him even more, but I don't regret the choices I have made. Marriage has made both of us better people IMO, and I believe that it is our level of commitment that has brought us to this point.
We have had our share of problems like anyone else, but it's all in how you choose to deal with them, together or not. I do not believe there is a chance for divorce in our future because we live for each other. It doesn't matter how old you are, it is what you really want in life, and how committed you are to each other.
GL to you, and my T&P are with your family.
If I got married at 19, had a baby at 22 and then got divorced at 26 (you know...when my cognitive brain development was actually finished and I was able to make rational decisions) because I was too damn young to get married in the first place...
am I allowed to judge?
Yes,I'm smiling...I'm a marathoner!
Bloggy McBloggerson
CO Nestie Award Winner-Prettiest Brain-Back to Back!
2011 Bests
5K-22:49 10K-47:38 Half Mary-1:51:50
2012 Race Report
1/1-New Year's 5K-22:11
2/11-Sweetheart Classic 4-mile-29:49
3/24-Coulee Chase 5K-21:40
5/6-Colorado Marathon-4:08:30
5/28-Bolder Boulder 10K
I want to thank everyone who replied with positive comments and those of you who shared your stories on how stereotyping has affected you with this pregnancy, as was the point of this post. Stereotyping comes in all shapes and forms. Agism, Racism, Sexism, etc. You can be judged on where you came from, or to the very clothes you wear. I know it got way off topic, and lot of people seemed to take it as I felt I had made the right choice in life. But the truth is, no one can ever truly know if they have made the right choices in life until the very end. I don't want to change anyone's views, you can go on hating teenagers and the things they do, that is the last thing I care about. My point was to hear how discrimination has affected others, and since I was wanting to hear such a personal story, it is only right I should divulge one of my own. I didn't start this post to get a pity party, I'm quite happy with my life, and your pity and disgust is best saved for those who are need of it.
No matter what is said to me, no matter how wrong I may have been with my life choices, the fact stands that it can not be undone. I have a beautiful son who is the envy of most people who meet him. I have a loving husband who I may, or may not spend the rest of my life with, but for the time being takes great care of me and his child. And then I have a baby girl on the way who I know is going to be absolutely stunning and increadibly brilliant. We have our own place, we have our own car, everything we own was bought for with our own money.
So, once again, thank you to those who were kind, and thank you to those who kept with what this post was supposed to be about. I understand everyone has their own opinions, and I respect and understand them all. I think that's a little more than what a lot of others can say. It definately made for and interesting read and great way to pass some time while I wait for my husband to return home after a long week away. Bless you all, and I hope your journey is a good one as you either step into mother hood for the first time, or add another child to your growing family. For me, having my son was the best thing to ever happen to me, and I'm sure all of you feel the same about your children.
my parents married young (20 & 21) before they had graduated from college. they graduated, my dad started grad school while my mom taught school and i came into the picture a month before her 24th bday (in this thread, that's borderline old fart for having kiddo #1). she became a sahm once i came and was one until my baby sister (6 years younger than me) started kindergarten. that's when she went back for her masters. oh my parents convineniently separated about 2 years after she finished her program. looking back she thanks her lucky stars that she had that MA which made finding a job w/ benefits to support herself and 4 kids that MUCH easier.
i had a front row seat to how DIFFICULT it is to complete a college program (undergrad/grad is irrelevant) when having to deal w/ kids, a house, and a spouse. it's damn near impossible - even by stretching her 18 month program out to 3 years to accomodate her family obligations (yes, it took her THREE years b/c she could only do it PART TIME) it was hard. i give her major props for graduating w/ honors with everything else going on around her. the lesson that us girls learned - get your ENTIRE education out of the way FIRST then get married and have kids. getting an education is so much easier if the only person you have to worry about is yourself.
so you all might say well i can get an education at ANY time .. etc. sure you can, but it's going to be 100X more difficult than if you had got your education THEN started having kids.
Yes,I'm smiling...I'm a marathoner!
Bloggy McBloggerson
CO Nestie Award Winner-Prettiest Brain-Back to Back!
2011 Bests
5K-22:49 10K-47:38 Half Mary-1:51:50
2012 Race Report
1/1-New Year's 5K-22:11
2/11-Sweetheart Classic 4-mile-29:49
3/24-Coulee Chase 5K-21:40
5/6-Colorado Marathon-4:08:30
5/28-Bolder Boulder 10K
ditto .. every person i know who got married young and had kids young has lived to regret that decision. they love and adore their kids BUT they feel that they missed out on something b/c they just couldn't wait to get married and have kids w/out thinking it all the way through.
i'm one of those people who got married and a child in their 30's and do not regret having my child at this age, not wishing i had her earlier. actually i do wish i had her earlier .. at age 30 rather than 34.
*as long as your happy and you are bringing children into a stable world.
I had DD 3 months after turning 25, no one ever mentioned to me anything about being too young....