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3rd Trimester
How do you fall prey to stereotypes with this pregnancy (You don't actually have to read the whole p
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Re: How do you fall prey to stereotypes with this pregnancy (You don't actually have to read the whole p
I don't. I also don't come onto forums unprovoked with my guns a blazin' over the horrors of stereotyping.
Married Filing Jointly Blog
DH and I are young as well. I am 21 and he is 23. We have been together since I was 15, and we were married at 19 and 21. We weren't planning on having children for a couple of years, but our BFP surprised us 1.5 months after our wedding. Oops!
I used to worry that other people were judging us because of our ages. But when I really stopped and looked at the reality of the situation, I realized that the only time people judged us or gave us looks was when I was feeling insecure. The truth is, since I stopped worrying about it and let things be, there have been no issues.
I think the biggest problem that young people face as far as stereotyping goes is that they are constantly convincing themselves that people are judging them, even when they aren't. When I think about DH and I's marriage/life I don't think "We are doing really well for a young couple". I think "We are doing really well.".
I think you'll see that once you stop assuming that people are judging you, there will be much less judgement. People don't treat DH and I like a "young couple" because we don't give them the impression that we are. Sure, occasionally DH gets a comment at work when people see his family pictures on his desk, but they are generally all *positive* comments.
If any couple, young or old, really feels secure in their relationship then they shouldn't feel the need to justify it to others constantly. Just be happy and content in who you are and the choices that you have made.
I have obviously offended you in some way, I apologize for that. But I'm not exactly sure if I have come in here with guns blazin' as you put it. I just told a story and asked a question. If it was wrong of me to post, then I apologize, and if you so wish, will delete it right away. But, it doesn't seem to have bothered that many people. Again, I apologize, I have a lot of short comings myself, and I obviously still need to learn what is socially acceptable to post of a public forum.
I'm 17 30 weeks pregnant, and engaged. I get the too young sterotype. But at the same time I always hear that I'll be a good mom, even from stranger who see me interact with their kids.
Yes, I feel like I got pregnant at the wrong time, but it's made me grow up in ways I never even thought of. I absolutly love my son (even as he's in the womb), and I absolutly love his father. I know as a fact that his father is the one I'm meant to love.
If you think people are judging you, well, they kind of are.
There is no really good reason to get married young. You have plenty of time to get married and have babies, but only a short window to mature, get a degree, start a career and really give yourself the best foundation for having a well-balanced and happy life.
Why get married at 19 and sacrifice when you can get married at 25 and have it all?
That's why you get judged.
I am not young (32) nor did I marry young, but I love your story. I am always glad to see young, confident women who can make those kinds of decisions for themselves. Age doesn't matter if you know you are in love and I'd so much rather see women get married young than try out relationship after relationship that don't work! It's not age, it's commitment, and you obviously have it! Good for you!
Also, I have 2 younger brothers in the US Military, so I am proud of them and families like theirs who give up so much to do a job they believe in! You guys are amazing!
Also, I think all the people who think it's immature to get married before having a career need to have a close look! What about all the 30-40-something lonely, single people who have fabulous careers and "identities" but no love in their lives! In the long run, love and family is going to be WAY more important than how you made your money. And they are part of our identity in a way nothing else can really be! Props to you for speaking up and keeping your cool with some of the comments that have been made!
But at the same time, What if that's what they want? What if they want to be a stay at home mother? There's ALWAYS time to get a degree if you want! and I even though I'm a VERY young mom, I'm still planning on continuing my dream. It has just changed to have my son included.
I want you to see that even getting married at 25 is a sacrifice. Any marriage is a sacrifice.
I guess that's one way to look at it. But I feel like I have grown and matured quite well without doing all of that and will continue to do so all throughout my life, and that I don't have to struggle just because I am married and have children. I can have all the same kind of happiness and opertunity that anyone who waited can have. I don;t really mind the judgements. In the end, I feel it makes me stronger.
If there is not a good reason to marry at 19, why should being 25 be different? Or 30, or etc. If a good time to marry is based on age, then there is probably NEVER a good time to be married.
I'm sure you still had struggles in your life, whether marrying young or not.
Thank you, and my husband would say thank you too if he was here right now. Your brothers are amazing for what they do, and God bless them! And YOU are amazing for the life you lead and fror supporting them. 
Lol, I don't think anyone ever has life figured out.
Not everyone wants those things. That is a very narrow view on life. A degree and a career does not make for a happy life. My DH and I are in our 30's and waited to have children after being married for 8 years so we could travel and make money. After having our DS we have both said that we wish we would have done it earlier. Our family makes us happy not a degree that sits on my desk that I don't use.
You know, this is a good point. Age doesn't really matter. That's why we let four-year-olds drive cars, vote, and drink beer. Come to think of it, we should probably repeal all of those pesky child labor laws, especially the one that says you have to be 18 to work at a strip club or join the military. Kiddie porn and child soldiers for everyone!
Kinda blew that way out of proportion there, didn't you? Lol. And you can be 17 and join the military with parental signature.
That's how I was being shipped off to basic before having baby number one. Lol.
So, I'm not allowed to act my age now and then??? I think everyone should have the right to be a little silly from time to time.
Wouldn't you agree? Lol. 
What a nice, failed attempt at creating unneeded controversy
.
The reason people judge is because legitimate studies (as in Nat. Institute of Health) have backed up the general consensus that the brain is not fully able to process risky behavior/consequence etc. until about age 25. Does this mean that anyone married under 25 will end up in a failed marriage? No. Does this mean that marrying before age 25 is always a risky decision? No.
It's easy to say in your here and now that you have made the right decision, you are mature, and you are different than other 19 year olds. And that MAY be true. But the fact of the matter is, you still have a lot of cognitive growing to do, whether you realize it or not. You will see, in about 10 years, how different of a person you are, and how little you really did know at age 19. Is this to say you won't be happy with DH and your decision to have kids early? Of course not. I am not saying you will regret anything. You may, but no, one, not even you, know that now.
I do wish you the best of luck though
I had my head up my arse at 19.
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This I can agree with, no matter what your age. Actually, I was just reading a book that was discussing the issue of women "having it all".
It seems like so many women think that they have to be working mothers with degrees in order to have it all. In reality, working as a mother is fine. But so is being a SAHM. It's all about making the best choice for your family and lifestyle. People just need to use their brains when they make the decision.
As for me, I'm a SAHM. But that has never held me back from continuing my education. I enjoy school, and I like knowing that I have the security of having a degree in the case that I should want to return to work or that something would happen with DH or his job. But that doesn't mean that I don't want to be a SAHM.
I just think that society focuses too much on "having it all" being a certain set of standards for everyone, especially women. It's just not that simple.
My point of that was, I was an adult, and I made the choice. I didn't do it based on my age, or what I had going for me, just like most people don't. You don't marry someone because you are stable and making good money, you marry someone out of love. If you marry when you ARE stable and making good money, then that's just how it worked out more often than not. As long as they are the legal adult age, I don't think age should be a factor there after. There are laws set in place, and I didn't say break them, I simply mean, just because some marry young does not mean they had no reason for it. They could have every bit of reason to do so as anyone who is older.
This is hilarious, and also why the divorce rate is so high.
I think that why people are judgmental is because the vast majority of people at 18 are nowhere near being ready to be married/have a family. Statistics support that-the divorce rate among teen couples is much, much higher than those who marry at 25 or later. People really do make better choices as they age. And I would definitely judge someone who was married/pregnant and a teen. Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule, but as a generalization it's not a good choice. However, no matter what you choose to do as a parent, you'll be judged, whether it's because you BF or FF, work or SAH, or a million other decisions you will make for your children as a parent. If you're comfortable with your decisions, that's all that matters.
I think why a lot of "older" people judge teen marriages/parents is because they can think back of when they were teenagers and thought they had it all figured out. Personally I dated my HS sweetheart for 6 years and was engaged to him. It didnt work out, which thank god was for the best. Only when I was older could I look back and realize that I was wrong, even though I so strongly believed I was making the right choice at the time. I'm not saying that you couldn't possibly have picked the best life partner and will have a lifelong, happy marriage-I really think you can only say those things in hindsight.
Thank you. I'm expecting to still do a lot of growing and changing yet, I never thought otherwise. I'm excited to see what I will be like in a few years. I know there is always the chance that my husband and I may not stay together, but that is something that can happen for anyone, no matter the age they marry at. What I know right now is that I love him and I want to be with him for as long as possible, and I want to make sure we are happy as long as we are together.
There's no reason she can't do all those things while being a wife and a mother. She obviously doesn't feel like she has sacrificed anything and seems to have a pretty good head on her shoulders. Maybe the people judging her ought to open their minds a little.
I can't change my age. I have no reason to hide it either. But the point of my post was to hear other stories. I can't expect to hear a story without telling one of my own.
Just a note, to all the people who are married to military members and saying "they don't make crap" is pretty much stereotyping all military members. I am also married to a sailor, and granted it's not a ton of money, but easily enough for us to live comfortably on as a single income family and still splurge on big budget items. No, he's not an officer, no, he hasn't been in for a long time. We just budget differently than those who find it a measly amount.
Yes, I'd like for them to make more, but point is, thanks for the stereotype that we're going to have a hard time making it off a military income.
*headdesk*
ETA: bunnybiter, this is directed at the OP, not you.
Bravo!
Oh, I know. I wasn't responding to what you had said either, as I see where you are coming from about age choices and life choices. The OP even said her husband doesn't make anything to make the point she didn't marry for money. And I believe three other posters on the first page as well. Of course, then it became all about age, stability, and maturity, all very good issues to focus on. But this is what I was focused on, as I'm tired of hearing how much military families complain about struggling financially when I assume it's a life-style and budgeting issue and not actually an income issue.
I also wanted to say "thank you" to this. I'd like to elaborate, but I have a feeling it wouldn't go over well with all of these whippersnappers who were in kindergarten when my husband was putting down riots in Bosnia.
I suppose I should fix what I said, because that does make it sound bad. I'm sorry. I mean, my husband isn't a rich man, and I didn't marry him because he makes oodles of cash. He doesn't make all the great amount, and certainly not enough for it to be the appeal for our marriage. He makes enough to support us, and that's all that matters.
*applause*
You think you've offended me? That's cute. You really do lack self-awareness.
Married Filing Jointly Blog
God Bless your husband and everyone else for fighting... not being snarky, I swear. I have much respect for military personnel. My grandfather faught in Vietnam and have family who's been in the Gulf War. I currently have a lot of loved ones in the Middle East, so I just want to thank all of you who are or have loved ones fighting for our country.
Well said Gym!!
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