Advice - stressed DH

ArcticFox

My husband just finished his MBA, which was pretty much a nightmare.  He was never home, and if he was, he was studying or doing school work.  It was awful, we rarely had dinner together, weekends were a wash..

Anyway he just graduated but he is super stressed.  He is now on a deadline to finish installing our sprinkler system, side projects, etc.  Even if he hired someone to do the sprinkler system, he has put off other stuff that he personally needs to do.

He seems like he's 'somewhere else' or kind of grouchy a lot.  I do everything I can - run chores, prepare meals, clean the house - I even tell him to take a nap (and he does)... but he seems overwhelmed.  I actually didn't have the highest of expectations when he finished school, that he would have a lot of free time, but I'm frustrated that he seems like he's in a bad mood / stressed out.  He is also 'on another planet' half the time, where he doesn't listen or he just spaces out.  (And unfortunately, I can't "tune out" the crying kids).

Any thoughts?  Anyone in a similar situation?  Watching the kids 14 hours a day on my own (most days) doesn't put me in the best mood, and then dealing with his grouchiness and spacing out kind of rubs off on me and just makes it worse.

luvmagoldn

Can I ask why he's on a deadline to install a sprinkler system?  That seems like a huge job to me.  Could he be grouchy because he just finished school and now he has to tackle the sprinkler and side projects?  

It sounds like you both could use some down time. 

ArcticFox

The sprinkler system will take a long time to install, and we dont' want our lawn to fry (we are on sandy soil).. 26 sprinkler heads, control boxes, wiring, controller... it will take many weeks.

He probably is stressed out, but he committed to it, and he dragged his feet on it when he wasn't busy. 

I think it is more of a lot of problems at work, fighting with his dad, that kind of thing.  I just don't want him being snappy around me or feel like I'm walking on eggshells when I basically try to do everything I can to make his life easier.

nsees

It sounds like you guys could use a date night and an honest discussion.

WhitePicketFence

nsees:

It sounds like you guys could use a date night and an honest discussion.

I agree. I'd also hire someone to install the sprinkler system and a handyman for any other odd jobs that need to be done around the house. It sounds like he could really use a break.

Temp174496125006552

A good friend of mine's husband is just about to finish the program he's in and get his MBA.  In addition to being in school every other weekend for the last 2 years, he also travels for work - a lot. 

A few months ago, my friend and I were talking and she was saying how resentful she was that her husband was never home and she was left to care for their 2 small children by herself the majority of the time.  She said she knows that his travel for work (he's trying to get new clients or maintain existing relationships) and his degree will pay off in the long run, but she couldn't help being angry/upset, since she's carrying the load 75% of the time on her own.  I asked her if she ever had an honest conversation with him about it and she said no.  I suggested that she sit down with him at a time where the kids were asleep and she was calm, and just tell him how she feels.  She did that and since then, he has made a real effort to help out more with the kids and around the house when he is home, spend time together as a family and encourage her to get out alone and do things for herself. 

Maybe it would make sense to do the same with your husband?  Men don't think like us and he may not even realize how he's acting.  GL!

naturelle25

I am in a similar situation. My DH is in the process of trying to make his photography business his one and only job but for the past two years and probably for a couple more, he has had to work two jobs while things get up and running. I appreciate all the hard work he does for our family but he is not home that much and it puts a huge amount of stress on me at times. He works a 9-5er, comes home and edits pictures all night and then has weddings and other photo shoots on the weekends.

Needless to say, he doesnt have a lot of time to do house stuff and even when I ask him to do something (which is a rare occasion and if I cant do it myself), it takes forever to get done and it ends up being a stressful situation for everyone. Even if he is home on a weekend, he is usually so exhausted and stressed from being overworked that he just wants to rest.  I dont really have advice for you, but do understand your frustration.

littlemermaid

Poor man, he went from one grueling task(finishing his MBA), right into another(home projects).  Sounds like you both could use a nice weekend away to just recharge.   I think you should sit down and discuss maybe hiring the sprinkler job out and maybe taking a weekend for yourselves without the kids.