New Here

jjmac

Hi everyone.....am new to the single mom life. I am 14 weeks pregnant and DH and I are no longer together as of a few weeks ago, however he does want to be in his childs life which is more then fine with me.

We were fighting a lot about money and it just kept getting worse and we both thought that it would be better on both of us to not be together because neither of us wanted to raise a child in a household where the parents fought all of the time because that's what we had to deal with when we were children.

I needed some advice on something that came up today. He's currently looking for a place to live because he is staying with his cousin right now, and he found a rental house he really likes. He was suppose to have his other cousin move in but he can't afford rent/bills with the amount of child support he pays. Ex sent me a text message today saying he might have found a roommate and I asked who it was. He proceeded to tell me it was an older lady that the lady renting the house knew.

I told him I was not comfortable with him moving in with a stranger and I would not be comfortable with him bringing my newborn baby around a stranger. What are your thoughts on this? Personally I'd rather him live alone or move back in with his parents right now if he's trying to save money, but he's hell bent on getting this house. I don't know what to do about it because apparently my opinion doesn't really matter to him, but once that baby is here and I refuse to let him take the baby back to his house with some random lady I don't know maybe he'll care then?

kmartinez80

Unfortunately you don't really get to have a say in who he brings around LO on his parenting time.  Obviously if it someone dangerous then you can always ask the courts to step in and restrict that particular person, but from your post it sounds like you just don't want your LO around people you don't know.  I understand it's hard to not be in control and not know what is going on with LO, but there are going to be a lot of things that your DH does with LO on his parenting time that you won't agree with (food he feeds LO, discipline, clothes, people, etc.) and you need to just learn to let it go.

jjmac

It's not who he brings around the baby, its the fact that he would be moving in with a stranger that he nor I know anything about, that is my problem. Who knows what this person does, if this person is trustworthy, etc. That is where my problem lies.

PrincessFiona9

That's completely understandable, but like PP said you're gonna have to let it go unless you can prove that this person is not fit to be around your child due to violence, drugs or something like that.

kmartinez80

jjmac:

It's not who he brings around the baby, its the fact that he would be moving in with a stranger that he nor I know anything about, that is my problem. Who knows what this person does, if this person is trustworthy, etc. That is where my problem lies.

That's part of not being married/together anymore; you no longer have a vote in who he lives with or how he lives his life...and vice versa.  Also, you're 14 weeks along, he has plenty of time to get to know this person and if he feels like the person referring is trustworthy, well, that's his call.  I know it is probably very frustrating and I feel for you, but you just need to start getting over these things now and know you don't get a say in how he lives his life.

FerreraRocher

Welcome and good luck!

MJ723

Agreed that you don't have any say over who he has around the baby. I am going through a similar situation and I comepltely feel your pain (I'm 32 weeks today).  The baby's daddy and I are not together and it is far better this way (both for baby oviously and me- I have chronic hypertension and am on bedrest.  need to keep all stress out of my life and he is the number one source of it).  For what it is worth, can you try at all to limit conversations you have with him since you guys argue all the time?  Even though baby is in the womb, they react to the stress in our lives.  Maybe consider limiting any and all interaction with him to discussions about baby only?  Just a thought.

 Do you have a support team to be there for you during this time?  Good  that he wants to be in the baby's life.  Wishing you the best of luck!

 

Melissa

jjmac

MJ723:

Agreed that you don't have any say over who he has around the baby. I am going through a similar situation and I comepltely feel your pain (I'm 32 weeks today).  The baby's daddy and I are not together and it is far better this way (both for baby oviously and me- I have chronic hypertension and am on bedrest.  need to keep all stress out of my life and he is the number one source of it).  For what it is worth, can you try at all to limit conversations you have with him since you guys argue all the time?  Even though baby is in the womb, they react to the stress in our lives.  Maybe consider limiting any and all interaction with him to discussions about baby only?  Just a thought.

 Do you have a support team to be there for you during this time?  Good  that he wants to be in the baby's life.  Wishing you the best of luck!

 

Melissa

Most of the conversation is limited to the baby and our dogs. We have two dogs together and he still wants to be in their lives too because they're his babies as well as the real one that's coming.

My mom and dad are a good support team, more so my dad, however they both live out of state right now. My dad will be moving back as soon as he sells his house in Colorado which hopefully won't take too long. Also I have a good group of girlfriends that stand behind me 100%

Thanks for the helpful response, and good luck to you as well!