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3rd Trimester
agent79@me.com
member
DH drinks at night, I'm worried I'll go into labor and he won't be able to drive
agent79@me.com
member
My hubby has a habit of drinking a lot (over 5 drinks in an evening) after a rough day at work, and I'm worried I'll go into labor, and he'll be extremely buzzed. Not only is he really annoying when buzzed, which will piss me off and make my pain and anxiety higher, but he can't drive!
I've tried explaining this to him, but he really thinks he deserves to unwind however he wants since he works so hard.
I'm worried, because I NEED a good labor coach to achieve my goal of a natural birth, but if the whole process begins with me being incredibly pissed at a buzzed DH, I will fail. I Just know I need someone calm and sober with me when labor starts, not someone with booze breath.
What would you do? Are there any good books for hubby that explain the importance of truly supporting the wife? He thinks he's being 110% supportive, and says he will, but just drinking when I could go into labor any day is NOT supporting IMO.
TIA 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: DH drinks at night, I'm worried I'll go into labor and he won't be able to drive
Codename Buckethead: baby blog
I don't know how or when you've approached him about this, but I think if you haven't you need to make sure it is on the weekend when he's had time to relax. Don't do it right after work when he's looking forward to sitting and unwinding.
First, would he normally drive after 5 drinks? Hopefully not, so perhaps you can work that angle to get him to realize that he has to drive you to the hospital. You can't drive yourself, and if he's been drinking that much then you are taking cab.
Second, I would have an honest conversation about the role you want him to play in labor and delivery. Get on the same page, then bring up how you are afraid alcohol could affect that.
Third, I would look into more long term plans on how to unwind after a long day at work. I am sure you are aware there are going to be a lot of long nights that you are not going to want your DH sleeping off his buzz.
Good luck.
I'm all about unwinding with some drinks and depends on if its hard drinks or just 5 beers. If it's 5 hard drinks every night I would say that's a bit excessive to unwind. I would have the conversation when he isn't drinking and is in a good mood. I agree not to do it when he's about to grab a drink because then he will just get irritated with you. It's not much to ask for him to give up drinking for a couple of weeks or to just tone it down to a couple just in case so that he can still drive in a pinch.
I also worry about his habit when the baby comes, if he needs to unwind now it's going to get a lot worse when the baby is around as far as stress level goes. Who knows..just having a baby may wake him up and realize that there are more important things to stay sober for. Not saying you aren't important to him..I'm sure you mean the world to him but having a child is a whole new/different kind of love that might just make him realize the drinking like he does needs to slow down. good luck!
Five drinks regularly to "unwind" is quite a lot. I would be wasted if I had 5 drinks. You really, really need to talk to him about this habit. It's not good.
My DH never drinks like that, unless we're headed out for a crazy night with friends (every once in a while) or to a wedding or something. He will have a beer or two these days, but knows not to get drunk during my last few weeks of pregnancy.
You need to have a serious talk with your DH.
5 drinks a night sounds like a problem bigger than just worrying about having a sober ride to the hospital. I could even understand maybe a beer or glass of wine a night (which I still think every night is pushing it) BUT 5+ a night...do you think that is normal behavior? Have you ever discussed this with friends and inquired about how much their husbands drink? I think if he is unwilling to decrease the drinking NOW he is going to be unwilling to read anything you give him.
Just have a back-up plan ready so you don't need to stress about him...maybe a family member lives close by? I wish you luck...I would talk to him now about this habit!
I am not supporting buzz driving at all - but, it is amazing how much a woman in labor will sober up a man. I went into Labor at 1AM after Superbowl Sunday - DH drank a good part of the day and night and had gone to bed around 11 that. I woke DH up around 2 or so once I realized I was in labor, and he drove me 20 minutes to the hospital. He told me later he was definitely buzzed but me waking him up was the most sobering thing ever.
I am not saying what your DH is doing is right, in fact, I think 5 drinks every night is a bit heavy and you should talk to him about it. All I am saying is that it will probably work itself out in the end.
This, I really think that you need to convey how important it is to you and the baby, then make sure that he realizes how serious you are that you NEED a coach to help get you through this and if he is to drunk to do it then you will find someone else and he will be relegated to the waiting room. So if he wont agree to give up the drinks then you should have someone as a backup coach that can stand in for him.
My husband stopped drinking the first week in April. It was his decision. However, we did talk about it; and he truthfully would have been so embarrassed to call and ask his mom (or my parents) to drive me to the hospital if need be, because he wouldn't feel comfortable driving. I did tell him that HE would be the one calling them letting them know the situation. (I don't think he would like that job much!)
However, he also started to diet right around the same time, so I think that helped. He is trying to lose some weight before the LO gets here.
Good luck!
This is what I was thinking!!
He doesn't drink that much EVERY night, but it happens, and I just KNOW with my luck, he will drink that much on the night I go into labor.
He's in sales and always has social work meetings where drinks are served, too, which doesn't help. So say he is out for a work meeting until 6, and he had 2 glasses of wine. Then he gets home and wants a couple more glasses of wine.
It's annoying, but it's not like he sits down and pounds hard alcohol or something. It's just that the cumulative effect of 4-5 drinks from 5pm until 10 or 11 makes me worry.
I'll talk to him tomorrow. I like the suggestion that if he's buzzed, he's not invited into the delivery room, and HE has to call his folks to explain why THEY need to drive me to the hospital.
Thanks for the advice ladies.
First of all, I'm sorry you're going through this; especially at this point in your pregnancy. Second, that is way to much drinking for a regular basis. I hope for the long term something or someone can get through to him so he can find a different way to relax. Try to apeal to the protector in him and let him know how much you need him there. And spell it out that being there means being sober for the next few weeks, (and really after the baby comes).
If that doesn't work, I have two thoughts. First is, do you have a backup person who can be there for you? (Nurses are usually fabulous but it is always nice to have your own personal support person). If at all possible, secure a back-up. Second, how important is it to your husband that he be at the birth? I'm guesing it's pretty important. If it were me, I would tell him in no uncertain terms that if he wants to be there that he has to be 100% sober. And that he has a choice to make but if he wants to "risk" drinking each night then that's his problem if he isn't there. (Hopefully it won't have to go there but if the nice and logical angle doens't work you may have to come on a little strong) IMO
Also I agree with a pp that it should be a conversation on the weekend or when he's realaxed and preferably sober.
William Lawrence 5.18.11
#2 Due 4.4.14
All I can think of is - How in the world did you get pregnant? We went to the urologist and he laughed out loud when my DH said that he was a moderate drinker and then told him that he usually had 1 or 2 beers a day. The doc said that was waaaaay too much and really unhealthy. When he stopped drinking for a month, we conceived right away.
Oh yeah, and he lost like 15lbs over the course of 2 months without drinking.
Put together a back-up plan now because none of this is acceptable (not his drinking, buzzed driving or your calling his parents to essentially tattle on him). Call a sibling or a friend and have them be at the ready to bring you to the hospital on the off chance your husband decides to booze it up with his co-workers.
I would definitely tell him if he's buzzed he is not welcome in the delivery room because it will only cause you more distress while you're trying to bring your first child into this world. You might also explain that it's his baby too, he may want to remember the event.
What will you do if you're away or home sick but the baby needs to go to the ER at night because there is something serious going on? Would you trust him to drive?
I know you don't want to hear this, but you really need to read up on alcoholism. From what you've posted, your H has a serious problem.
A 'habit' of drinking more than 5 drinks in a night, thinking that he 'deserves' to unwind however he wants, these are signs that he dependent on alcohol. It doesn't matter if its wine instead of hard drinks, the point is the dependency.
I understand your concern about getting to the hospital when you're in labor, but have you considered the bigger picture? Can he be trusted to take care of your LO when he's drinking that heavily? Have you thought about what your day-to-day life will be like?
*snort*
You willingly married and created a child with an annoying drunk and yet he's the stupid one.
This post and the responses make me want to bash my head against a wall.
Your H has a serious drinking problem, you enable him, you are having a baby who will be left alone with this man, and all you are worried about is getting to the hospital? Most of the responses ignore the real issues, blame it on men being stupid, or just excuse his behavior.
You have much bigger issues and should seriosly consider looking into alanon. The longer you hide your head in the sand the bigger the issue will get. You have a choice as an adult to enable and accept his behavior, your innocent baby does not.
Im sorry if you do not want to hear this but someone has got to say it instead of ignoring it.
You would really benefit from an Al-Anon meeting or two.
Your DH's drinking is outside what is healthy, for him, for your relationship, and for your new family. If he won't deal with that, you should.
And to all the posters making excuses: it doesn't matter if it's beer or liquor. Labour won't "sober him up" and make it safe for him to drive. I can't believe the ridiculously stupid things being said to defend alcohol abuse here. Get real, people. Driving drunk is a big effing deal. Binge drinking is a kind of alcoholism.
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QFT.
Seriously, OP, the issues surrounding labour should be amongst the least of your concerns here.
This has nothing to do with "men being stupid". This is YOUR own husband being an alcoholic. Drinking several drinks a night to "unwind" after a hard day at work on a regular basis is indicative of a dependency. That he won't stop for a few weeks while you approach the end of your pregnancy (or forever) is even MORE indicative of that dependency and addiction.
Alcoholics don't just drink hard liquor...WTF? What does his choice of alchohol have to do with it?
Not all men are alcoholics, or would make these choices, so stop generalizing all men to excuse your own husband's behaviour and choices (and your own choices to stay with him). Plenty of men AND women have demanding and stressful jobs and do not need to hit the bottle to deal with it on a regular nightly basis....they remain present with their partners and families, and find non-self-destructive ways to deal with stress.
This is not going to change after the baby is born, he has made that clear. Guess who is going to be taking care of the baby all night through? What happens if you have an emergency at home one night and your husband is drunk?
It sounds like you and your H are both in denial (as apparently are a few other posters on this thread).
Yes, by all means continue defending your drunk husband because he's dumb and he has to drink because of his job. Yes, keep telling her that labor will sober him right up, and that he has to sit in the waiting room if he is buzzed, because that's totally the right answer. Ignore your husband's alcoholism and start getting used to doing things as a single parent.
Frankly this scares me. Listen to Token and others who have pointed out that there is a problem beyond driving to L&D. If my DH drank that much regularly and refused to stop he would be on his own. Sure having a bonfire or watching a big game with the buddies and having that many once and a while is no big deal, but being unable, or unwilling, to stop drinking heavily on a regular basis should be a huge red flag. I would also say that 5+ drinks make a person more than "buzzed." Even if they "handle their liquor well" they are drunk at that point.
When my DH was starting up his business last year we were going through huge financial stress he would often have 2-3 beer over a day. Using alcohol is not an appropriate way to cope with stress. It concerned me, I spoke to him about it, and he stopped. He took my concerns seriously and that is the important part. He still occasionally takes a beer, glass of wine or a rye down to the office when he's doing paperwork, but occasionally is the key word here.
Lol, it's not the first time it's happened. This is where using some capitals would have helped a ton...
I hope you haven't given up on this post. I know the tone has gotten pretty intense, but it shouldn't interfere with the central message: the behavior you're describing in your husband is binge drinking, and the more often he does it, the worse off your family will be.
A man can metabolize 2 drinks a day. This is not an average, it is the maximum recommended amount for any given day. More than that is considered heavy drinking, and as previously stated 5+ on any one occasion is considered binge drinking. This behavior will shorten his lifespan, increase his odds of developing certain types of cancers, raise his weight, sap his energy, and generally make things miserable. It's too much. He will not only miss the labor, but likely years of your child's life due to alcohol related disability or death. Also, alcoholic parents have a higher incidence of raising alcoholic children.
So, that's the fvcked up part. But he's probably young enough where that can all be avoided if he changes his patterns NOW. You are not going to want to have this conversation, but you have to. Sure, hopefully, the baby will change everything, but you still need to speak up to help him see the problem with this behavior and offer to support him as he works to change it. I don't believe Alcoholics Anonymous is very effective, personally, but it's free and the meetings are plentiful, so it might be a good place to start. Professional help might be available via your health insurance if he needs medical assistance due to withdrawal symptoms (which, if he drinks every day, he might) or a specific substance abuse program may even be available under the mental health coverage in your plan. Look up the options available to you, enlisting help if you need backup, and have a hopeful, serious plan ready so there's no excuse for him to say no. Tell him your concerns rationally and lovingly, and if he doesn't listen you have your answer as to the best course of action for you and your child... on the day of labor and beyond.
I know you probably came on here just to vent about your guy being insensitive to your worries, but I have to speak up when I see such specific and high quantities related to drinking. Many, many people struggle with this same issue, and there is help available if he chooses to use it. I sincerely wish you luck... this will not be an easy road, but I hope you both find the strength you need for the sake of your baby.
Your scenario of DH's drinking hits so close to home for me. As a wife of a recovering alcoholic please listen to what everyone is saying about binge drinking and alcoholism.
I'm so sorry that you are going through this, I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
I think you should talk with him about this (perhaps a counselor as well if talking to him alone won't work?)....Seems this would not be good even after the baby is born. You don't want him to not be able to function when the baby needs to be cared for during the night.
Oh, yeah, I am sure he will slow it down. You know, because that is how alcoholism works.
How do you know he will take you seriously if you tell him you are uncomfortable with the amount he is drinking? Have you ever told him that?
I find it pretty fvcked up that you are okay with him drinking a "few drinks every night" since someone else can drive you to give birth to yours and HIS own child.
Brillance at its best!
I want to know how old the OP and her H are as well as the ages of some of the responders who are so sure their H's will slow down the boozehound behavior closer to their edds. It scream youth and ignorance. People with drinking problems do no slow their drinking down just "because" nor do they consider how their drinking will affect the other people in their lives.
And the idea that being in labor will sober up a buzzed husband is absurd, it may make him seem sober but I'd bet dollars to doughnuts that he'd blow over the limit (or really close to it) on a breathalyzer test--that's a great way to get to L&D, in a police cruiser while your husband goes to the drunk tank.
More than the OP needs Al-Anon.