Would you let your 14 y.o. vacation with her boyfriend? — The Bump
Parenting

Would you let your 14 y.o. vacation with her boyfriend?

One of my good friends just posted this on FB:

"Hypothetically speaking, How many people would find it appropriate to let their 14 year old daughter go on vacation with their "boyfriends" family to Myrtle Beach during spring break time? Just curious?"

I was surprised how many would be ok with it.  Really?  She's 14.  There is absolutely no reason to vacation with your boyfriend at that age. 

WDYT?

DS1 10-06 and DS2 9-08 and baby #3 EDD 9-05-12
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Re: Would you let your 14 y.o. vacation with her boyfriend?

  • FloF9FloF9 member
    Hell to the no. 
  • imageFloF9:
    Hell to the no. 

    exactly what popped in my head 

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  • NO, NO, NO!!!!!!!!!

    No way!

    No how!

    NEVER!

    Not until my DD is 18.

  • Initially I was thinking no way.

    Then I thought about it and I don't know. It depends - on the kids, his parents, where they are going, for how long, sleeping quarters, etc.

    So actually, I can't answer this.  I don't have a 14 year old and I have no idea what my response will be when I do have one.

  • I guess it would depend on how well I knew the boyfriend's family. Have the kids been friends their whole lives and more recently become romantically involved? I might go for it then. New boyfriend? Hellz to the no.
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  • ZenyaZenya member
    It would depend on the situation.  Is it a family friend?  How is the supervision, etc.  It's not an automatic 'no' for me for some reason.  
    Christopher (June 2006), Sara (October 2008) and Kate (May 2011)
    [IMG]http://i263.photobucket.com/albums/ii122/dmcg_2008/IMG_6152.jpg[/IMG][IMG]http://i263.photobucket.com/albums/ii122/dmcg_2008/IMG_6438.jpg[/IMG][IMG]http://i263.photobucket.com/albums/ii122/dmcg_2008/IMG_6150.jpg[/IMG]
  • imageFloF9:
    Hell to the no. 

    I don't even use that expression and that's exactly what popped into my head.

     

    AKA KnittyB*tch
    DS - December 2006
    DD - December 2008

    imageimage
  • It doesn't matter to me if it was a long time, old family friend who we invite the parents over every Saturday for grilling and beers.....

    To me, its like saying "hey honey, you are only 14 and I think its GREAT that you are in this relationship with this boy, so we are going to treat you like an adult and let you vacation together." 

    I mean, would you let her spend the night at the boys house??  To me its essentially the same..even if its a different room.  And I wouldn't allow that either.

    However---now I'm remembering that my sister when she was 16, almost 17, brought her boyfriend to our family vacation.  But it was mostly because my parents felt sorry for this boy who had NEVER travelled outside the state of Nebraska.  But the boy slept on the couch of the condo, sis in the bedroom.

  • I don't know all the details, but she has been dating him for a while, I think. 

    A lot of the responses were that if you knew the parents well enough, then maybe, etc, but I just don't see the point.  Why do they have to vacation together at 14?  We're not talking 18.  At 14, they should be having some time apart and not trying to have a relationship that models an adult's.

    DS1 10-06 and DS2 9-08 and baby #3 EDD 9-05-12
    imageimage
  • I can't really pinpoint WHY but to me, sleeping over someone's house is totally different than vacationing with them.  Well, i guess I can pinpoint why.  There is NO reason to sleep over their house.  I mean, assuming you live close to each other, right?  But vacation is different. 

    Again, I don't know.  I just don't feel strongly one way or the other.  FWIW, my boyfriend went camping with me and my family when I was 15/16.  He wasn't allowed to sleep in the camper with me (he actually had to sleep in a tent outside the camper).  Doesn't mean we didn't take some opportunities to eff around but hey, we were doing that at home too (I didn't lose my virginity on vacation with him! LOL)!  :)

     

  • The thing is there is NO NEED to bring a bf/gf on vacation at that age....he or she should be inviting a best friend.  And I hope at that age my DD's (and DS) are hanging out with their best friends as much as they are hanging out with their bf/gf.  If not, then like Yodajo said, a vacation is a perfect break to get away.

    Bring a same sex friend.  I mean, seriously, if you can't spend a week away from a SO at the age of 14, then there are some issues.  Relationships shouldn't be THAT serious.

     

  • I'd probably be okay with it, just because I would assume the situation would be one where the families were good friends.

    Jeff would definitely NOT be okay with it so it probably wouldn't happen.

    I'd like to think if my daughter had a "boyfriend" at age 14, it'd be more a situation of him sort of being her best friend, and not really a BF/GF relationship.  That's potentially naive, but at the same time, I don't see me allowing my kids to date for real that early anyhow.

    I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16.  I don't see that being any different in our house.  Unless Jeff wins and makes the dating age 30.

    Jackson Henry [10*1*06] & Scarlett Maeve [9*16*10]

    <img src=http://tinyurl.com/6pkmyjd width=150><img src=http://tinyurl.com/7g6a89z width=150>
    <img src=http://tinyurl.com/7od6nzf width=150>
  • I probably wouldn't.  I went on vacation with DH's family when I was 17.  We slept in rooms on opposite sides of the cabin, but we met in the middle during the night.  Of course, we were having sex everywhere would could at that point--vacation or not.  We were very creative.

     I dread the teen years.  So does DH.

    ETA: I probably wouldn't have had sex at age 14, not even with DH. 

  • Heck no, and it doesn't matter how well I know the boy, and the family. One of my good friends parents let her go on vacation with her boyfriends family, and she came back pregnant.

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  • It's hard to say without knowing what kind of kid DS will be or who/if he'll be dating be when he's 14.   I think as long as I know the family and knew they would be sleeping in different rooms/kept an eye on, sure.  I may be more inclined based on the location/travel/vaca.  Actually, I sort of see DH & I inviting DS's friend/GF on weekend getaways and vacations.  

    image

    David "BD" 2/8/07 Spencer 9/12/11
  • Indifferent I don't want DD to even be exclusively dating at 14. Let alone having the sex with her BF on vaca!
    DD 7.28.06 * DS 3.29.10
    image

    Christmas 2011
  • I don't get the "there is no need" argument. Is there ever a NEED to go on vacation? Is there a need for a 14 year old girl to bring a female friend on vacation? No, but I brought a friend with me to the beach every year as a teenager. For me, it depends on the kids and the kids' parents. I was a goody-two-shoes at 14, and had never kissed a boy. My high school boyfriend's parents had the same values as mine and were strict. If it had come up, I would have appreciated my parents' faith and trust.
    Now if either of the kids had a wild streak, no way. My brother had a friend whose parents let their son's gf sleep over every weekend at age 14. Lord only knows what those two did...
    She's crafty - and she's just my type.
  • I meant NEED as is it a necessity to sleep in the same locale when on vacation.  Basically, the sleeping in the same place is a symptom of the larger picture -- in order to go on vacation, they have to sleep under the same roof (presumably). 
  • Over my cold, dead body.  And dh's as well.
  • Honestly? If I knew the parents well enough I probably would. If your teen is going to be sexually active, they can do it at home just as easily as on vacation, so I don't see that as a valid reason to immediately say no. I will admit though, I'd have an easier time letting my teen boy go then I would my teen girl.
    Ridley Run 3.1 - 4/9/11 - 34:24 - 1st race evah!
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  • (I didn't read all the replies)






    Sounds like a 'romantic' way for her to lose her virginity, if she hasn't done so already.  :P  
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • imageMominator:
    Honestly? If I knew the parents well enough I probably would. If your teen is going to be sexually active, they can do it at home just as easily as on vacation, so I don't see that as a valid reason to immediately say no. I will admit though, I'd have an easier time letting my teen boy go then I would my teen girl.

    That's the thing. I really don't want to make it easy for my 14 year old (= 8th grade/HS freshman) to have sex. I'd like to make it as difficult as possible, frankly. Even if DD does have a BF at that age (I highly doubt, she probably won't be allowed to date at that age), time apart is good. I hate hate hate seeing girls that age all over their BF's and all pissy because it's been 6 hours since they've seen each other. She can hate me all day long for not allowing a boy on vacation. 

    DD 7.28.06 * DS 3.29.10
    image

    Christmas 2011
  • imageMominator:
    Honestly? If I knew the parents well enough I probably would. If your teen is going to be sexually active, they can do it at home just as easily as on vacation, so I don't see that as a valid reason to immediately say no. I will admit though, I'd have an easier time letting my teen boy go then I would my teen girl.

    I agree that if they're going to have sex, they'll do it where ever, regardless of location.  Sex isn't the thing that comes to mind first or bothers me most when I think about this though.  I just don't understand encouraging/allowing/whatever this level of commitment with a 14 year old.  They're not old family friends that happen to be dating. 

    DS1 10-06 and DS2 9-08 and baby #3 EDD 9-05-12
    imageimage
  • Only if I was going along too and believed in extended co-sleeping.  :)
    .
  • No way.
    Lucy 12.18.06, Will 6.21.09 & Adeline 11.2.11
  • Over my COLD. DEAD. BODY.
    ~Erica, Mommy to Peyton 9/06 & Cullen 9/09
  • imageGoose51504:
    Over my COLD. DEAD. BODY.

    Goose!  I am hurt - you wouldn't let P vacay with us?

    lol!

    In all honesty, we joke about Scarlett's godfather's son (who is due in early May) as being her boyfriend.  I'd let her vacation with them at 14, but probably no one else.

    Jackson Henry [10*1*06] & Scarlett Maeve [9*16*10]

    <img src=http://tinyurl.com/6pkmyjd width=150><img src=http://tinyurl.com/7g6a89z width=150>
    <img src=http://tinyurl.com/7od6nzf width=150>
  • Um, no. Especially not after hearing and seeing some of the stuff I've seen with my 6th, 7th & 8th grade students. Not happening.
  • Maybe not at 14...but I might let the boy come on vacation with us.  It depends.  My SIL was going to let my neice bring her boyfriend on vacation last summer; my neice was 16 and almost 17 though.  So those years might make a difference. 

    So maybe not at 14, but maybe a few years later the kid could come with us and maybe DD could go with them.  It would depend heavily on how well I knew the family and how much I trusted them.  I kinda hope my 14 doesn't have a boyfriend, but I know that's probably naive.

  • imageeclaires:

    imageGoose51504:
    Over my COLD. DEAD. BODY.

    Goose!  I am hurt - you wouldn't let P vacay with us?

    lol!

    In all honesty, we joke about Scarlett's godfather's son (who is due in early May) as being her boyfriend.  I'd let her vacation with them at 14, but probably no one else.

    LOL! Well, NATCH I'd let her vacay with you guys. I'm just talking about the boy P might see while she and Jack are "on a break."

    ~Erica, Mommy to Peyton 9/06 & Cullen 9/09
  • imageGoose51504:
    imageeclaires:

    imageGoose51504:
    Over my COLD. DEAD. BODY.

    Goose!  I am hurt - you wouldn't let P vacay with us?

    lol!

    In all honesty, we joke about Scarlett's godfather's son (who is due in early May) as being her boyfriend.  I'd let her vacation with them at 14, but probably no one else.

    LOL! Well, NATCH I'd let her vacay with you guys. I'm just talking about the boy P might see while she and Jack are "on a break."

    lmao!  

    let's be honest though - if our kids are vacationing together, WE are vacationing together.  So you'd be along with P so we could get drunk together on the beach.

    Jackson Henry [10*1*06] & Scarlett Maeve [9*16*10]

    <img src=http://tinyurl.com/6pkmyjd width=150><img src=http://tinyurl.com/7g6a89z width=150>
    <img src=http://tinyurl.com/7od6nzf width=150>
  • imageeclaires:
    imageGoose51504:
    imageeclaires:

    imageGoose51504:
    Over my COLD. DEAD. BODY.

    Goose!  I am hurt - you wouldn't let P vacay with us?

    lol!

    In all honesty, we joke about Scarlett's godfather's son (who is due in early May) as being her boyfriend.  I'd let her vacation with them at 14, but probably no one else.

    LOL! Well, NATCH I'd let her vacay with you guys. I'm just talking about the boy P might see while she and Jack are "on a break."

    lmao!  

    let's be honest though - if our kids are vacationing together, WE are vacationing together.  So you'd be along with P so we could get drunk together on the beach.

    That's what I was thinking. Honestly, I think they should be worrying about the trouble WE'D be getting into. :)

    ~Erica, Mommy to Peyton 9/06 & Cullen 9/09
  • imageeclaires:
    imageGoose51504:
    imageeclaires:

    imageGoose51504:
    Over my COLD. DEAD. BODY.

    Goose!  I am hurt - you wouldn't let P vacay with us?

    lol!

    In all honesty, we joke about Scarlett's godfather's son (who is due in early May) as being her boyfriend.  I'd let her vacation with them at 14, but probably no one else.

    LOL! Well, NATCH I'd let her vacay with you guys. I'm just talking about the boy P might see while she and Jack are "on a break."

    lmao!  

    let's be honest though - if our kids are vacationing together, WE are vacationing together.  So you'd be along with P so we could get drunk together on the beach.

    DOOOOOOOOOOD.  Will is crying right now.

    Kill all my demons and my angels might die too. -Tennessee Williams

    image
    You take my ovaries, I take your yarns.
  • imageGoose51504:
    imageeclaires:
    imageGoose51504:
    imageeclaires:

    imageGoose51504:
    Over my COLD. DEAD. BODY.

    Goose!  I am hurt - you wouldn't let P vacay with us?

    lol!

    In all honesty, we joke about Scarlett's godfather's son (who is due in early May) as being her boyfriend.  I'd let her vacation with them at 14, but probably no one else.

    LOL! Well, NATCH I'd let her vacay with you guys. I'm just talking about the boy P might see while she and Jack are "on a break."

    lmao!  

    let's be honest though - if our kids are vacationing together, WE are vacationing together.  So you'd be along with P so we could get drunk together on the beach.

    That's what I was thinking. Honestly, I think they should be worrying about the trouble WE'D be getting into. :)

    FACT.

    We'd probably embarrass the sh*t out of them.

    Jackson Henry [10*1*06] & Scarlett Maeve [9*16*10]

    <img src=http://tinyurl.com/6pkmyjd width=150><img src=http://tinyurl.com/7g6a89z width=150>
    <img src=http://tinyurl.com/7od6nzf width=150>
  • imageBubblyToes:
    imageeclaires:
    imageGoose51504:
    imageeclaires:

    imageGoose51504:
    Over my COLD. DEAD. BODY.

    Goose!  I am hurt - you wouldn't let P vacay with us?

    lol!

    In all honesty, we joke about Scarlett's godfather's son (who is due in early May) as being her boyfriend.  I'd let her vacation with them at 14, but probably no one else.

    LOL! Well, NATCH I'd let her vacay with you guys. I'm just talking about the boy P might see while she and Jack are "on a break."

    lmao!  

    let's be honest though - if our kids are vacationing together, WE are vacationing together.  So you'd be along with P so we could get drunk together on the beach.

    DOOOOOOOOOOD.  Will is crying right now.

    Bubbly, Will can vacay with Scarlett on HHI whenever he likes, but when she is 14, he might not be able to because he will be an OLDER MAN and she will be JAILBAIT.

    I'm just looking out for my FSIL!

    Jackson Henry [10*1*06] & Scarlett Maeve [9*16*10]

    <img src=http://tinyurl.com/6pkmyjd width=150><img src=http://tinyurl.com/7g6a89z width=150>
    <img src=http://tinyurl.com/7od6nzf width=150>
  • Since DH said we're done, I guess I will be really wanting grandchildren...
    Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
  • imageJ&A2008:
    Since DH said we're done, I guess I will be really wanting grandchildren...

    DEAD.

    ~Erica, Mommy to Peyton 9/06 & Cullen 9/09
  • J&A, I think I love you.
    Jackson Henry [10*1*06] & Scarlett Maeve [9*16*10]

    <img src=http://tinyurl.com/6pkmyjd width=150><img src=http://tinyurl.com/7g6a89z width=150>
    <img src=http://tinyurl.com/7od6nzf width=150>
  • imageeclaires:
    imageBubblyToes:
    imageeclaires:
    imageGoose51504:
    imageeclaires:

    imageGoose51504:
    Over my COLD. DEAD. BODY.

    Goose!  I am hurt - you wouldn't let P vacay with us?

    lol!

    In all honesty, we joke about Scarlett's godfather's son (who is due in early May) as being her boyfriend.  I'd let her vacation with them at 14, but probably no one else.

    LOL! Well, NATCH I'd let her vacay with you guys. I'm just talking about the boy P might see while she and Jack are "on a break."

    lmao!  

    let's be honest though - if our kids are vacationing together, WE are vacationing together.  So you'd be along with P so we could get drunk together on the beach.

    DOOOOOOOOOOD.  Will is crying right now.

    Bubbly, Will can vacay with Scarlett on HHI whenever he likes, but when she is 14, he might not be able to because he will be an OLDER MAN and she will be JAILBAIT.

    I'm just looking out for my FSIL!

    LOLOLOLOLOLOL

    Kill all my demons and my angels might die too. -Tennessee Williams

    image
    You take my ovaries, I take your yarns.
  • imageveloelle:

    That's the thing. I really don't want to make it easy for my 14 year old (= 8th grade/HS freshman) to have sex. I'd like to make it as difficult as possible, frankly. Even if DD does have a BF at that age (I highly doubt, she probably won't be allowed to date at that age), time apart is good. I hate hate hate seeing girls that age all over their BF's and all pissy because it's been 6 hours since they've seen each other. She can hate me all day long for not allowing a boy on vacation. 

     

    100% agree with this. 

    image
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