How do you do it?

tricia0424

Im looking for a bit of advice and strength here i guess. My daughter is 4 months old now and all my mom friends that have joint custody of thier child say I need to do something just for myself at least once a week so i dont get overwhelmed, and while i sometimes agree, i just dont know how to do it?

My parents help me so much through the week with her that I dont want to ask them to do any more than they already are and I dont want to just let her stay with any random babysitter for me to have a little fun.

The father is not in her life at all for many reasons, and Im pretty sure never will be. At times this makes me so happy to know that my daughter wont have to put up with his BS, but at other times I feel so mad at him that i dont have an extra helping hand. I envy the moms who have an ex that can be trusted with their child so that they arent overwhelmed all the time.

I guess im just wondering what the other single moms do to get a moment to themselves, or if we just stay strong and suck it up? You all seem so strong and put together after such hard times that i thought youd be the best ones to ask

sweetie0228

Try for once a month or ask other mom friends if they would like to start a babysitting co-op where once a week you take turns watching each others kids for a few hours.

Reality, I don't remember getting a me time break when the children were infants, except maybe when they were napping or sleeping.  Maybe once in a while when the baby is down for the night you take an hour for yourself with out cleaning or other domestic chores.  You be completely selfish for an hour or two and take a bath or lay in bed and watch tv.  

PrincessFiona9

Having "me" time doesn't always mean going out for drinks, dinner whatever. It can be taking a nice long hot shower/bath after DD is in bed. Taking a little time pampering myself with a sugar scrub and at home pedicure. On rare occasions my parents will watch DD so I can go out with friends for a night, but I'm always on baby duty first thing in the morning so I don't like to go out and do anything too wild.

Sometimes if work is slow my boss will let a couple people leave early, so I will go tanning or window shopping or even to run errands that I need to get done so that I can just relax with DD after I get home.

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tricia0424

Thanks guys! Once a month seems so much more tangible to me! And a nice hot bath sounds so relaxing!!

warriormomerin

First, it gets a lot easier as they get older. Once your DD starts sleeping better and has an earlier bed time, it will be so much easier for you to have "me" time. My children are usually in bed by 8 so I have a few hours to myself each night to read, watch TV and do other stuff that I enjoy.

Second, have you actually sat down and talked to your family about whether or not watching your DD for a few extra hours a a week/month is that much of a burden to them? I used to assume I was asking for help too much and made myself feel very guilty about it for a long time until my therapist suggested I sit down and talk to my parents about it. Turns out, they really didn't mind at all. They completely understood my need for some time to myself and thought I was crazy for feeling so guilty about asking for help. Talking with them about it really took so much weight off of my shoulders. It was the best thing I did.