Not goodbye, but see you later (long sorry)

branmuffin2112

Hey ladies, I don't really know how to say what I want to say. I don't really want to go into detail as of what has happened but my mom is losing it and pretty much told me that the past 24 years of her life have been a living hell all because of me (this happened Friday night).

I have 3 sibs and all of them were in rehab for drugs and one of my sisters got KU at 16 and 18 and 19. I made a point in my life to not be like that. I had amazing mentors that were my youth pastors and pretty much were my safe haven from everything. I chose to live above all of the drugs, partying and irresponsible lifestyle. (I'm heading down to OK this weeknd to visit them and get some direction)

But somehow, I am the worst of the 4 kids. So much was said, things that not only should you not say to your child but you shouldn't even say to strangers. So much hatred and anger. I just kept thinking, you are a crazy person and at a point in our phone call I stopped calling her mom and just referred to her by her first name. I couldn't even cry, I was just shaking and felt like I was going to throw up.

She said she was sending me all of her photos that she had of me and she continued to express how happy she is that I can't get pregnant. She said she is so glad that she gave me a broken body. She also told me that giving birth to me is her biggest regret in life. Yep, crazy. It was bad, the whole conversation was just her yelling and cussing me out-and I have no clue where it stemmed from.

So that's that. I'm not only lost and confused but deep inside I feel like I have lost my mom. Just thinking about it again makes my stomach hurt. She isn't mom anymore-she's just T. NO "mother" should ever treat or speak to their children as my mom did. So ladies, I'm taking a break from TB for a while. I hurt beyond words can describe and I know there is only one way to heal from what has happened. I'm going to try to refocus and spend more time in God's Word and prayer. I need him so much right now, I just want to be wrapped in His arms. I'm believing for healing of my PCOS and just emotional healing and peace for what has been broken between between my mom and I. All things are possible-I just need to seek Him.

I'm going to continue to temp and blog, feel free to follow but I just need a bump break. I'm not even in "baby mode" right now. So, I love love love you all and hopefully will be back soon. There are many of you that I wish I could physically hug. If you would like to keep in touch with me, I'd be happy to give you my email address if you PM me. Take care xoxo

 

-Isaiah 41:10 (Message translation)

"Don't panic. I'm with you. There's no need to fear for I'm your God.
I'll give you strength. I'll help you. I'll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you."

 

ksmit062

Oh, Bran I'm so sorry for this.  My T & P are with you!

CarolinaGirl82

I cannot even find the words right now--what a horrific experience.  I am so, so sorry that you are going through this, and I really hope that you find some peace and healing from the hurt that your mothers words and actions have caused you.

I already have your blog in my Google Reader, and will continue to keep up with your journey that way.  I haven't been here long, but you are one of the posters that I've always liked from the get go, and I'll really miss your kind, funny words around here. 

WI-mommy-hopeful

OMG sweetie, I can't believe you are going though all of this!!! I wish I could hug you right now! You do NOT deserve to be treated like that, by anyone. Especially your mother! I am here if you ever need to talk, ok? Please keep in touch. Take care sweetie!!!!

Pocky873

Bran, I am so incredibly sorry that you're going through this.  I have no words, other than please stay strong, take care of yourself, and keep this toxic woman out of your life. 

FredAndCat

Oh Bran, I am so verry sorry... {{{{Hugs}}}}

Ber09

Bran, there are no words. I can't believe all of that happened to you - no one should ever have to feel as you do. I'll be thinking and praying for you during your break!

::hugs::

Amomtomanyluvs

Oh Bran. I don't even know what to say. I am so sorry that you have to go through all of this. I hope your break from TB and trying to find peace in everything helps give you some clarity. As for your mom, that is horrible and I hope she does not continue to hurt you with her words...although I am sure the words she has already spoken will hurt for a long time and for that....I send you some very big interwebz hugs. I am so sorry.

pennyandandy

I don't have a response that is worthy of what you need to hear right now. I feel horrible for what you are going through. DH has gone through similar things with his father, and I know this, parents aren't always the people who conceived and gave birth to you. I don't even know how you had the strength to not just hang up the phone and make it stop.

I will be praying for you and I will follow your blog. Hugs to you in this difficult time.

Babybear70

Awww bran....I'm so so sorry. I can only imagine what that would feel like to have your mother call you a mistake. My Mom goes on rants sometimes and dumps on me and blames me for a lot of stuff, but she always comes full circle and says that she is sorry. I was thinking about you over the weekend for your basketball team...please keep us posted from time to time, and focus on you. You take care of you....let Him do the rest. (((hugs)))

buttercup1221

Aww, Bran ((HUGS)) dear! No one should go through that. I can't begin to imagine how you are feeling right now, but I hope you find the guidance/healing that you are needing. We will miss you around here but will be thinking about you! You're an amazing person and deserve so much more from your mom. Wish you the best! Hope you join us again soon

JessicaJeanne

Those are horrible words!! I am really sorry to hear that they were said to you. T & P's are with you. I wish you the best in this time of healing and looking to God.  Jeremiah 29:11

Melgor78

Wow, I'm not sure what to say.  I'm so sorry your going though this.  My T&P are with you.  I hope you find the comfort you need.

Squishy622

Bran. I am so, so beyond sorry that you're going through this. I'm in awe of how maturely and rationally you're coping with this, and I truly hope that you're able to find peace in the days to come. I'm sending you my biggest hugs and asking you to come back to us as soon as you feel ready, because it won't be the same without you. It always makes me happy to see your Jayhawk floating around here. Take care, friend!

Katie829

Bran- I'm sorry. T&Ps to you!

rsrs807

I am so, so sorry.  I hope you find the solace and comfort you seek.  (((Hugs)))

lilmrsT86

Bran I am so very sorry : (   I can't imagine what you must be going through.

P.s. I think you are an awesome lady!

I hope you find healing and comfort. My T&P's are with you.

Dori722

I too have no words. I want to hug you right now. I feel so awful for what you are dealing with and wish you nothing but the best. Please just try to remind yourself that it's HER, not you...and you are not broken. Take a break from your family and just focus on you.

dbob

No one should have to go through this and I am so sorry that you have to. I hope that your time away brings you peace and clarity. We will all be thinking about you...take care!

purplepolish

I'm so sorry she was so awful to you.  I hope your break helps you and isn't too long....big hugs.

kimikins79

Wow, I am so sorry!  That is terrible.  I could not fathom dealing with that.  All the best...good luck.

steff13914

My goodness bran. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I hope you find some comfort after speaking with your pastors. and hugs.

willamina28

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I hope that your break helps you find what you need. ((big hugs))

jenni888

Reading that made my heart break. I am so sorry you are going through this. Stay strong and stay focused on you. Whatever the reason your mom feels the need to be so hurtful has nothing to do with you; she obviously has some serious issues she needs to work out on her own and is lashing out on you.

Biggest hugs to you and I pray that you find the peace and comfort you need during this break. You are a wonderful and beautiful woman.

brookelynpaisley

I'm so very sorry, bran. I hope you find peace and that you'll come back when youre ready. I'll miss you.

salt78

Bran...I am so sorry that you are going through this horrible mess. I think many many people here would agree that we are here for you if you ever need to talk or vent and in the meantime I'll keep you in my thoughts. I hope everything gets worked out soon. *hug*

karaknr

Oh Bran. I am soooo sorry to hear this. Sometimes Satan uses the people who mean the most to us to do the most damage to us. It is so amazing that you realize what is going on and know where to turn to. I will be praying for you and your mother. I hope that God can restore your relationship, but most importantly that he draws you closer to him through this. Your mother my be your earthly parent, but she was only given you for a time. But our father in heaven loves and cares more for us than our earthly parents ever dreamed. Lean on him during this trying time. A verse from 1 Peter came to mind and Id like to share it with you, it's one of my favorites:

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."

-1 Peter 5:6-7

We will miss you terribly around here but totally understand. Ive had my share of bump breaks in the past also. I truly hope everything gets better for you soon but until then I pray for peace in this storm.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J95rAr0gOFU

"Cause Ill be by your side

Whenever you fall

In the dead of night

Whenever you call

And please dont fight

These hands that are holding you...

My hands are holding you"

I will be praying for you girl. Just know that you are doing a fantastic job and you are a wonderful woman. You have blessed so many women who dont even 'know' you on this board. We will miss you but take your time and come back whenever you are ready.

AlfiesMOM

Wow that is horrible. I am so sorry for you. I will keep you in my T &P. It is so wrong for anyone to make you feel that way let alone your own mother. It is good you have people to lean on and with a strong support system you will make it through this.

meganruns

Goodness, Bran, I'm so sorry to hear about this.  I hope your time off allows you to work things out and breathe a little.  Thoughts and prayers go out to you!

ncgirlgoingtori

Bran I am so sorry that you are going through all of this.  Lots of hugs.  Please try to take care of yourself and rejuvenate.   My T &Ps are with you. 

psubride1012

This just breaks my heart. No one should have to go through that. I am so sorry hat your mom is not there for you. It sounds like you know that she is not rational and know not to take what she says to heart. I will keep you in my prayers and am happy to hear that you have your faith. God will definitely see you through. Best wishes and I hope you can work through everything soon! ((Hugs))

LegallyBlonde217

I'm so sorry you have to go through this, Bran.  You don't deserve to be treated that way by anyone. Please don't blame yourself. You'll be in my T&P. 

MySweetBaboo

I have no words, but I am terribly sorry sweetie. Hugs to you and T&P's as you heal from this. We will miss you. Take care!

elandric

Bran, Im so sorry you are going through this. I really feel for you and you will be in my thoughts and prayers. I hope everything works out.

Eags

I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this right now, no one should have to deal with this.  I hope that you are able to regain peace in you life very quickly.  You'll be in my T&Ps.

lp0

That is so horrible and sad that your mother would say such hurtful things to you. I'm so sorry that you are being put through this! Just remember that this is not a reflection of you as a person but rather of her. I don't understand how anyone could spew such hateful things to their own child. Please remember that you are NOT broken and there is a little mircle waiting for just the perfect time to come make you a mother. When that finally happens to you, you will understand what love between a mother and daughter is supposed to feel like. {{hugs}}

ixnay

Mental illness is so awful.  I hope you find the peace you are looking for. 

Jessie888

I don't think anything I could say would make you feel better. But, you do not deserve to be treated that way. I hope some time will help you. I wish you all the best. 

babiesbabiesbabies

I am so so sorry that you are going through this. I will be in prayer for you. That verse has always been so helpful to me and I know it will be for you also. Your blog is on my google reader

Lexie Marie

Oh bran so sorry to hear all of this! How terrible!!! I cant believe your mother would say something so terrible. I have a family member who has gone off the deep end too and basically my whole family doesnt speak to her because of it. ((HUGS)) Sending T & P's to you dear!

lp0

I just went on FB and someone had this posted on her status. I really like it and thought I'd share. Hopefully it will offer some comfort that everything will be okay.

"Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it the more it will elude you but if u turn your attention to other things it will come & sit softly on your shoulder."