WWYD- Help talking to friend about son???

KittahMama

My best friend since I was very young has two children.  The older child is great and doing really well (he's five).  The younger son is 3 and doesn't talk.  He was really sick as an infant and had to have his kidney removed so he was sort of baby'ed if you know what I mean by everyone.

When I say he doesn't speak I mean he says "momma- ball?" or "ant some" for want some...

I didn't realize how far behind he was til we went to visit some friends a few weeks ago and their 2 1/2 year old speaks in sentences and was saying things like "Aunt S I like baby C- she's so sweet!"

I went to the zoo with my friend this past week and her son would say "go ere" For go there and whatnot.  I am really concerned for her.  I made a funny comment and said "Oh, <his name>, you really need to start talking!" And she said he will talk- if you ask him to say something he will repeat that- like asking him to say "taco" he says taco- but he doesn't use sentences and the most I have heard him say is three words together.  He may do more- but not around others.

So would you say something to your friend?  I mean she is a really good friend.  I love her so much and her boys!  I just don't want him to be behind and have issues.  I asked if he had ear infections a lot and she said no.

I just feel awful, and feel like I shouldn't because it's sort of none of my business, but then again if a close friend like her saw something in my child they thought may be an issue I'd rather them say something so I would know it may be something to watch.

The other thing that got me thinking is another friend of mine came in town this weekend with her 3 year old daughter that has some issues, like using "y"'s instead of "w"s and my friend told me her daughter is getting speech therapy because even though she can say the words she just says them wrong because it is easier. 

Again, I really love my friends two boys- I would love them if all he could say was "Poop" all his life, he is such a sweet kid!  And I keep hoping when I see him he will just start talking.  Her older boy didn't do this and by this age was chatting away with sentences.

Thoughts? Opinions?!

 

jerseygirl81

Hm, I don't know if I would say anything. It's a difficult situation, but how would you even go about it without coming off as offensive? Maybe she's already been to the doctor and already asked her own questions, and now she's going to feel like you're questioning her parenting decision making abilities (not that she would, but I know most of us immediately take the defensive when things like that come up).

Some kids just don't talk a lot at that age, and I don't really think it's that big of a deal that he shortens words or doesn't pronounce some consonants correctly. My brother said Vs for Ws and my sister said "staw" for "th" and they both grew out of it without speech therapy.

Also, Charlie is very shy around other people. He talks non-stop at home and at school, in complete sentences, with a strong vocabulary, but if you get him out in public around people that he doesn't see every day he completely clams up, so maybe he does talk more than you've heard.

KittahMama

Yeah- I would say that perhaps she has spoken to her pedi, except I know she hasn't.  I mean this is one of those friends that I called the day I got my BFP's and she called a few weeks ago with her period probs.  KWIM?  I mean, she has told me about almost every pedi visit with her boys. And she told me about six months ago the pedi mentioned he was behind verbally but that was it.

 I'm around her kids a lot - especially during the summer months because we spend entire weekends together.  For a long time he would just grunt and point and they would give him whatever.  He still does that some but now it just isn't more than part of words. 

I know that mispronunciation is common at his age- my brother did it and so did I- but not speaking more than three words together?  How out of line with recommendations is that?

It's just one of those tough things- do I say something or don't I because I really love her and her family. 

I guess my view is a little colored because a few years ago my cousin's son had an obvious issue and her Pedi kept acting like her son was fine- after a year he was only 13 pounds and her daycare finally asked her if she wouldn't want to talk to this other pedi that they knew that had helped kids with some of the issues her son was displaying- it turned out he had a rare condition that is akin to dwarfism and mental retardation that was undiagnosed.  It comes with severe heart issues, too, which wouldn't have been checked without a diagnoses.  He is thriving now at age five and gets the interventions and assitances he needs to help him.  Had they not said something who knows how long it would be before her pedi finally got him help.

I'll just keep praying he starts to catch up.

curlypie1

Since it sounds like you are very close and talk a lot, I don't see a problem with discussing it further if it's something she brings up with you as a concern of hers. I'm not sure how it could be brought up outside a situation like that properly though. My Mom said my brother didn't talk much at 3. He was a bit delayed and had/has some learning difficulties though. Good luck!

cops_wife

Is he in daycare or preschool or starting preschool in the fall? Anyway, no, I wouldn't say anything unless she brings it up. Her pedi has already noticed and hopefully will be keeping an eye on it. And he is speaking. If he had no words, then I would be very concerned. Plus, the 2.5-year-old you described sounds pretty ahead. I wouldn't use her as the benchmark, and I definitely wouldn't compare them with your friend. If this were your field or an area of expertise, then I think mentioning it would be appropriate, but since you're really not sure what he should be doing, I would not say anything.