Guest List Problem

Blenderson

My mom has graciously volunenteered to throw my baby shower. In fact, she's very excited about it, especially since this will be her first grandchild and she LOVES throwing parties and never gets to do it.  She is inviting the family, or course, and any of my friends I want..... except for one. Let's call her K. She says the reason for not inviting K is because she at one point referred to my baby (and other babies) as a "crotch dropping." K has also been very mean since I got pregnant, saying that it is too hard for her to be around me since I have the things she can never and will never have (loving husband, baby, house), which was exactly what every hormonal pregnant lady needs... her friends to dump her for being pregnant.... Things have gotten better since then, but Mom still does not care for K. To make matters more complicated, K has started dating my cousin, so, knowing that side of the family, her absence or presence at the baby shower will be discussed.  K also LIVES on facebook, and I'm sure someone will post something and she will find out about the shower regardless.

What can I do? Mom and I are close and I don't want to p*ss her off, but I know it will be a big dramatic blowout from K if I don't do something.  I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.  Help me please!!

mybobofo

Either (1) tell her straight that she is not invited because her comments have upset your mother, or (2) completely blow her off until after the shower, then tell her that she was not invited because her comments upset your mom.  

I would do it up-front and apologize profusely then ask her to a special one-on-one lunch where you guys could just hang out together.  And I'd tell her that even though I am excited about the shower, just hanging out with her is what I really want to do (even if it isn't).  

Just MHO, but it doesn't sound like you two will be friends for much longer after the baby is born.  Sometimes when life changes, friends do too.  Especially ones that are not happy with their own lives.  So try not to stress about it too much.  Focus on your health and your baby, not her drama. 

Blenderson

You may be right on with this one.  K has also told me in the past few months that there is no way she could be freinds with me once I start having children, but then more recently she bought onesies and accessories and has been carrying on about how cute baby stuff is.  Sigh.

rhubarb123

I think I would have a talk with "K" and explain that some of the things she has said in the past have been hurtful to you.  Did you mom actually hear her refer to these things or does she only know what you have told her?  See what K says after you tell her that.  Then tell her that your mom is hesitate to invite her to your baby shower since she has these feelings regarding you being pregnant, babies in general, etc. and SHE might feel uncomfortable going to a baby shower.  See what she says.  If she tells you that she would love to come to your shower, blah, blah, blay then I would ask your mom to invite her to avoid hard feelings.  Who knows...maybe "K" has had some counseling to help her get over her depression about her life.  Could some of her comments/actions be because she was jealous of the time a baby will take away from time you would have spent hanging out with her?  Maybe she has come to terms with that...life changes...so now she is happy for you (hence buying baby clothes, etc.)

kristennd

Even if K is managing to be better one-on-one, the odds are against her being able to behave properly at a baby shower. She'll be resenting most of the guests' lives instead of just yours and will just get overwhelmed.

laurakaz13

Why are you friends with this girl?  She doesn't sound like a good friend to me.  I wouldn't invite her.  If she asks why, tell her the truth. Her comments were rude and uncalled for and not something a FRIEND would say to someone they care about. 

SSILVEIRA

You need to bite the bullet and talk to her about how she is making you feel.  She will either change and be sorry or not.  If she is a true friend she will, if not you don't need her in your life.

vanessa11411

Sounds like a friend I used to have. I got tired of her negativity so I had to get her out of my life.