20 month old fits

lindzed

I need some advice.  My son is really throwing fits lately.  The last time I was at the Pedi she said just ignore him or ask him to tell me what he wants.  That its probably mostly frustration about not being able to speak.  She also said to use time outs for violent behavior (pinching, biting, etc) so she does believe in time out she just didn't say to use them for fits.  That has been working pretty well and he has gotten much better about using his words and telling me what he needs.  However, the last few weeks it has gotten to the point where he throws them everytime I will not do exactly what he wants (he wants out of the shopping cart at the store, doesn't want me to change his diaper, wants to climb up our stairs).  Any advice?  It's getting out of hand, but I'm not sure what to do about it.  Ignoring him doesn't seem to be working anymore. 

Daisy22

Oh I so know where you are!! Bailey is the same way. One day he just decided sliding to the floor on his belly and screaming was a good thing to do. I'm no expect I'll admit that first.

For Bailey, I use time outs for things like when he's not listening to me as well as the other things you mentioned. For example, if I tell him to not climb the stairs and it doesn't do it then goes to time out for a minute. Time outs have been working for him but I know it doesn't work for everyone.

For the most part I just continously ignore his fits. If it gets really bad and he's not calming down at all after a few minutes, I will put him on our stairs and tell him to sit there unitl he calms down. For some reason it works and after a minute or two he'll come out all happy. Sometimes I think he gets so worked up that he even forgets why he's upset and he just needs to calm down.

Oh and I get the talking thing. Bailey is getting so frustrated with not being able to communciate with us as well as he'd like. Which makes a lot of things frustrating.

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I have heard my Pedi suggest the book "Positive Discipline" by Jane Nelson is good book.

lindzed

Thanks!  Off to buy the book on amazon right now.

slwprincess

Read this:

https://www.parenting.com/article/toddler-temper-tantrums?page=0,0

This part called "The Life of a Tantrum" is what really clicked for me... 

The Life of a Tantrum

A minute-by-minute breakdown of what happens when your tot blows his top.

0 SEC.

Uh-oh. Grocery-store meltdown in aisle 3.

30 SEC.

Foot stomping by this point means it will be a short one.

90 SEC.

Screaming and kicking: His anger has reached its peak.

3.5 MIN.

And just like that, it's over. He's now looking for comfort.

6 MIN.

Wow. He's acting like nothing ever happened.

10 MIN.

If his fits always last this long, talk to your doc.

 

I finally realize that if I can make it past that 90 second mark, he really will start to calm down.  So it's just a matter of sticking to my guns and ignoring him until then.