struggling - WWYD?

amberleigh723

Hi Ladies,

Just dropping in cause I need some advice...My MIL wants to throw my baby shower. I am very grateful for this offer and am very excited. There are a couple problems though...

1)My MIL is a very simple woman. She doesn't believe in things like "baby registries" and other traditional things. She is more plane-jane and thinks that people will bring that is needed, without the guidence of a registry.

2) She doesn't do well with large numbers of people. Just from DH's side of the family there are 25 people that need to be invited. Then if you count my family and personal friends that ends of being close to 50 people. In conversation she made it sound like 25 people was more than she wanted to invite as it is...(mind you the 50 people do NOT include people from my work - which is close to another 30+ people)

So What would you do?...(please keep in mind that I am not asking this in attempt to be selfish or gift happy. I just know many people will feel left out, and upset if they aren't invited to my shower) I know my MIL couldn't take on a shower for 80+ people, but no one at work has brought up the offer to throw a shower there for me yet. How would you approach this without overwhelming your MIL and without having your work friends be left out? Thoughs?ideas?  - anything would help at this point...

TIA!!

SnowyBaby

I think you could ask her how many people she wanted to invite....you could try to make it small for her and just invite your close family members and that could keep it under 25ppl.  I think that if your friends or co-workers wanted to throw you a shower, they could do that as well.

 I know you are not trying to be selfish, but in my opinion, most people would probably not offer to throw a shower for 80+ people.  Since you can put people into "groups"  I don't see why inviting only family to this shower would be an issue.

Good luck! 

LadyXaverian

I don't know too many people who would want to take on an 80 person shower! Most people I know have more than one shower for this very reason.

I would graciously accept your MIL's offer and have a small shower for your husband's side of the family. Then if your friends/co-workers/your side of the family wants to throw you another one (or 2), you can accept that offer as well. And if no one else offers to throw you one, oh well. There's not really anything you can do about that, you know?

laurakaz13

I agree with the other posters. I can't imagine anyone wanting to take on an 80 person shower.  I would also ask your MIL how many people she is comfortable invitiing.  Then maybe accept a shower for just her side of the family. 

Your family and friends can throw you separate showers if they want.  If no one offers, then there's really nothing you can do.  But you can't expect anyone to take on 80 people. 

RoxyLynn

1) Many, many people never use registries.  If anyone wants to know where you're registered they can easily find out, with or without your MIL.  The proper etiquette is not to include registry information, anyway.

2) Regardless of who is hosting your shower and how comfortable they are with large groups, the size of the shower is ALWAYS the choice of the hostess.  It is no small financial affair to host a shower for 25 people!  I just can't imagine 50.  Anyhoo, ask her how many she can accommodate and have your guest list fit that number (or less).

If your Mom or any of your friends wish to host another shower, then by all means accept.  Just don't invite anyone (except your Mom and MIL) to more than one shower.

Also, I see there's a child with you and your DH in your signature pic.  If this is your second child (I don't know if he's your son or stepson, or neither), then proper etiquette is for you not to have a shower and that would explain why there were no other offers.  Also, if you're early in your pregnancy, that could be another reason.

EastCoastBride

Your close enough to THIRTY of your co workers to invite them to a shower outside of work!?!? Nix them from any list. They can throw a work shower if they want.

mrstarawalsh

Your MIL offered to throw you a baby shower, NOT a wedding. You don't invite everyone and their brother to such an event. Cost for food, drink, entertainment for 25 people can turn out to be a huge expense. I would ask her how many she is comfortable inviting and then only invite your closest friends and family. Not your third cousin twice removed and everyone you work with.

dragon_chica

Repeat after me:

A shower is a gift from the host(s.)  It is not my place and just plain rude to dictate what type of gift I receive.

cozylittlecave

Register- even if you MIL doesn't give anyone info, people today know how to find a registry. I've never had to ask where someone was registered. 

If your MIL is only comfortable with 25 people, limit your list to that many. Not to sound snippy at all, but you should be grateful she's offered to throw the shower- she didn't have to. You should always bend to what she's willing/wants to do; after all, she's the hostess.

Like PP, I'm kinda shocked you'd have 30 coworkers you think would want to be invited to the shower!! From everything I've ever heard/seen/experienced (unless they're literally your BFFs), coworkers only participate in showers when they're work thrown. If they want to throw you a shower, they'll do it @ work. Remember- the shower is specifically about buying you gifts... some people might not be so anxious to be included as you think. (again, not trying to sound mean at all, just trying to throw that perspective out there)

toadstool

Everything everyone else said and I would like to add, since she is throwing the shower, I would focus on inviting mostly your dh's family. I would only invite a couple key people from my side if this was the case. Two reasons for this-

1) She's your MIL, and with her as hostess I would feel like I owed it to her to have as much of her family there as possible.

2) If she doesn't like groups, she will be even more uncomfortable in a group she is less familiar with.

If your side of the family or your coworkers don't offer to throw a shower and therefore are not invited to any as a result, I am sure they will understand.

It's a shower, not a wedding.

backinpgh

As for the registry, register if you want. People can find your registry very easily if she doesn't want to put the info in the invite itself, or they will ask you.

As for size, I would ask her how many people she wants to have there, and did she want it to be just for her side of the family? Then likely someone will your family will jump in a do a shower for your side. If not, then oh well. People will probably get you stuff anyway.

As for coworkers, they will throw you a work shower if they care to do so. Chances are those 30(!) people don't care quite enough to attend a family-thrown baby shower anyways. I wouldn't feel comfortable attending a coworker's family shower.

PiRSquared330

H and I come from HUGE families and even we were able to keep the guest list well below 80....

 

I think you need to re-evaluate who really NEEDS to come to the shower.

ryry1977

My MIL had a baby shower for me as well.  I kept the shower to just DHs side, so it was all her family too.  Someone else held a shower for me for the rest of my group, friends and my side of the family.  Hopefully someone else is willing to throw you a shower as well?!  I thought it was much better to have more than one shower anyway.  Much more intimate, I had time to actually talk to the guests.

abell77

you can only invite as many as she is willing and able to accommodate.  since it is your MIL, I would focus the invites to DH's side of the family.  your work friends shouldn't feel left out if you simply explain that it's a family shower.