Can he come home? — The Bump
Military Families

Can he come home?

We finally got our bfp 2 days ago(yipee!), but soon realized that our due date is within weeks of my husband getting home from ait. So obviously we are very new to military life. If the baby decides to come early, or things take a little longer is there any chance he could come home for a day or two? A coworker told be def not but her father was in the military before she was born, but somehow still thinks she knows everything about it. haha. He is in the army if that makes any difference, and will be doing ait in Texas, and we live in Wisconsin.
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Re: Can he come home?

  • Depends on his command- I have seen where they are allowed to go home for a couple of days, and I have seen where the leave is denied. Unfortunately there isn't a black and white yes or no answer on this.
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  • In the Marine Corps, Active Duty in Student Status (those still going through training schools) aren't granted liberty. However he can request Emergency Leave. Good luck!
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  • I'm assuming AIT is their training school after their bootcamp? H is in the Navy and his A school was long enough for me to move with him but if he had been away and I had to stay home he personally wouldn't have been allowed to leave. Heck I lived with him and he had to go back to school the very same night our son was born. Like PP said it's not a black and white answer because it all depends on his command, school etc. I hate to say it but I would plan on it being a no and if he gets to be there than it's a bonus.
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  • Normally they do not have much freedom in their training schedule as they can only miss so much time before they get recycled in the course. He may be granted an emergency leave for the weekend, but it can get denied. Best case, he asks permission and sees what happens. He will have to let his command know early, but don't get your hopes up because there is no guarantee.

     

    Good luck and I hope everything works out for you!

    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • My husband was in a school with few privileges and a very tight training schedule (which will be the case with AIT) when I had an early emergency delivery. He happened to have a very understanding CO who agreed to let him have 2 days off and then either recycle to the next class if he wanted to take some emergency leave, or rejoin his class and make up what he'd missed the following weekend. We opted for him to rejoin the class because he was 3 weeks from finishing and recycling would've set him back 6 weeks. However, I also delivered in the area where DH was stationed, so he was an hour from the hospital, not the time/distance of flying like in your case.

    It sounds like you're just concerned for a worst case scenario, so hopefully you'll have a healthy full term pregnancy and the dates won't matter, but for planning purposes you could assume his command will either say no or will allow him emergency leave and he'll have to recycle (obviously the nature of the emergency would play into the decision, as well). Each class has a set limit of training hours you can miss (he can ask what it is in advance) and/or mandatory events; if the travel fell during a specific event he cannot miss, then the odds would be against him being sent home.

  • AIT is much less strict than Basic, (i believe they actually get some passes on weekends, etc).  They are still on a tight rein because of their training status, and it is also true that it depends on the command.  I have heard of so many different cases ending different ways.  Some guys in my old unit were forced to deploy just weeks before their baby was born and had to miss it (very sad).  Others' commanders had policies that anyone expecting a baby within the first 2 months of deployment were allowed to deploy late.  And that's with deploying units (usually less flexible than being in TRADOC).  The sooner he informs his chain of command, the better.  If he stays out of trouble, does what he is suppose to and does a great job they are more likely to make exceptions, especially when it's just the end.  (the great thing about the end of a course like that is it's just admin days....like, turning in equipment, practicing graduation and actual graduation)  If you are talking just a few days early, he may not be missing any training at all..just the usual outprocessing.  I don't want to get your hopes up, because there are no guarantees in the Army, but usually Commanders will take care of Soldiers and their families.  (Also, if you know the exact name of his unit, start researching their posted policies...sometimes you can find it on google, other times units have websites where the Commander's policies are posted. Or you can even call and talk to the FRG leaders or the Chaplain to find out your options)  The most important thing about being a military wife is going out of your way to educate yourself.  That's how you know when you are being taken care of correctly, or if you just have to accept certain hardships that come with the life.  Whatever happens, especially if he's not able to be there for the birth, be careful not to hold it against him or the Army.  There's nothing worse than starting the Army life with bitterness or resentment. This won't be the first time you face this kind of uncertainty, unfortunately.  It takes a lot of sacrifice, and you are both serving our country...be proud!  :)  Good luck!
  • I would guess the chances of him getting to leave AIT would be slim to none, but it depends on his command. And it also depends if there are complications. He could get emergency leave if there was a problem with you or the baby, but if it is a standard delivery then probably not. And you'll have to send a Red Cross message to get him home. DH was in OCS (officer candidate school) when DD was born and I delivered her early due to pre-e and he came home for two weeks. His commander let him come home, but then he got recycled into another class and was there an additional 6 weeks longer. Plan for support other than your H for the delivery and after the birth, until you are together, just in case. Good luck!
  • Ditto- depends on command. He better be on his best behavior, alert them early to the situation, and never act like he's entitled to anything. If he asks for any other favors or frequently reminds them, they are likely to say no because they think he is trying to get special treatment. 

    He will have some weekends off by that point, but depending on how well his class is doing behaviorally and academically, you can't depend on that. And he may not be able to leave the area even if they have pass.

    I was in college when I did AIT (I was Nat. Guard, but the same AIT as everyone else) and had a mandatory return date in my file, since the Army was also paying for college. They had to have me on a plane by a certain date, so they just accelerated my last few days- they were just turn-in and graduation practice anyway. That's your best case scenario, and it can be done, but I wouldn't say it's likely.

  • It basically comes down to his command and what the training schedule is.  There's certain MOS's where the schedule is tight and then there's MOS's where they have a more laid back schedule.

    Plan for YH not being there.  If he does manage to make it, horray.  If not, your bases are covered. 

    When I lost our baby @ 18 weeks, DH was re-classing, which is somewhat similar to AIT.  They told him that he could come home, but if he wasn't back by the following morning, he was going to have to repeat the training from the beginning.  He couldn't miss that particular exercise and continue.  I imagine they won't be as flexible bc this is YH's actual AIT. 

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  • My DH works in reception for a AIT school in Texas (Ft. Sam) He had a guy whose wife was pregnant come in recently. He said that they had guy get the Dr. to call to say his wife was in labor for him to leave, which he took emergency leave for. He was in the middle of the class though. He said with it being so close to being to the end of the course they more then likely wont let him go. He said he has seen people who someone has died or some other emergency where they had to go home but they missed something at the school so they had to start all over. Hope that helps!

    Mom to Madison- 5 and Lillian 2....and now surprise baby #3!
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