Update regarding my cousin and the car

doodlebug914

Thanks everyone for listening. He got taken away in handcuffs and since he has no prior incidents they released him. He lost his license, had court yesterday but it is being continued until next Tuesday because he applied for a lawyer. There have been many tears over the past few days and incredible frustration/betrayal/you name it. Found out Monday afternoon that the car is totalled. There was almost $9K in damages without even taking anything apart. We just paid off the car in December, (and received the title in the mail on freaking Saturday), and planned ahead not to have this car payment for this pregnancy so I could save that money towards my maternity leave since I don't have vacation or sick time in my job position.  We're looking to replace it with something similar and hopefully not have too much of a price difference from what we get from the insurance company.  Regardless, I'm making him pay us the difference of whatever extra we have to pay to get another vehicle and the deductible of course.  We loved our car and it was extremely useful for us (Mazda 6 hatchback, so it could haul a ton), never any mechanical issues.  Ryan found another 6 that is the exact same year and same features, less miles, but has a standard trunk so we are going to check it out.  I haven't decided what to do about him living with us.  So far I've just told him that I don't know if we want him here anymore or not.  Because of what we have been through with his mom passing away, it just adds a whole lot of complicated emotions.

PirateGirl04

I'm sorry ur going thru this.  Hopefully u will get everything worked out and are able to still take some time off when the baby comes.  T and P for you, whatever u decide will be the right decision!

sistrkate

I've been wondering about you, Miranda.  I'm very sorry that things are shaping up the way they are -- I can't imagine how badly you must feel, having been taken advantage of the way that you were.  I think you are doing the right thing and taking it one step at a time.  Bottom line is, he's got to learn a tough lesson -- it just sucks that you are not only the victim, but the one who has to teach it to him.

 Big hugs to you.  I don't think you need any more headaches, please take good care of yourself and your little bean.

tiffyr0se

I'm sorry you're going through this.  I can't imagine how frustrated you are.  But I can imagine what your nephew is going through.  My grandma (who raised me) died when I was a few years younger than your nephew (my grandpa had already passed).  I felt so incredibly lost, dropped out of college during my 2nd semester.  I felt like it didn't matter if I did anything good, because no one was going to care either way.  I just felt lost and numb...  In my case, my family really did turn their backs on me.  I don't know if they figured I was an adult, or just didn't realize how much pain I was in.  I'm telling you this because I hope you can find a way to continue to support your nephew.  He needs you more than either of you know.  He f*d up, and obviously needs consequences, but more than that, the boy needs to know he is still loved.  (I know he is 21, but in my mind, 21 is still a kid.)  I hope that helps. 

curlypie1

I missed your original post. How awful. I'm sorry you are experiencing not only the mess of figuring out your car situation but dealing with broken trust. I hope after some time, you can work through this.

notguilty

Have you talked to him about substance abuse issues?  I know nothing about the specifics of his life, but many people struggle with substance abuse after a serious loss.  If a young man is driving around wasted at 4:00 a.m., it's probably not the first time he's done it.  I'd encourage you to really talk to him about using alcohol and/or drugs as a crutch to get through the emotional pain of losing his mother. 

 If you decide to allow him to continue to reside with you, I think I'd insist that he see a counselor.  I'd insist that he pay you back.  I'd also put money on the fact that his original story is a flat-out lie.  I'm sure he's the one that wrecked the car.  I think I would be more upset about him lying about what happened (not sure if he's changed his tune since that night) by trying to blame some other driver thea I would be about the car.  That's completely inappropriate.

What a horrible situation.  I'm sorry you are going through this.  You do not deserve to be treated this way after you've taken him in and tried to help him.  It does sound like some tough love may be the right way to handle this situation.   

addslove

I'm sorry you are dealing with Miranda...and hope you come to some sort of resolution that brings you peace, soon.