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Babies: 3 - 6 Months
SnoopyLuv
member
Francesca Pearl is here! Josephine Hope is almost 3!
Baptism- don't belong to church (Catholic)
SnoopyLuv
member
Ok so H & I didnt get married in the Catholic church because we couldn't afford to (around here they all wanted upwards of $1500 just to rent the church and use the priest not counting musicians/tips/etc) we are also jaded Catholic school kids.
Well now H is pressuring me to look for a church for her baptism. I feel weird just calling a church and asking them about it when we're not members anywhere. I also worry they're going to tell us they won't because we weren't married in the church. I remember when we were looking for a church to get married they wanted us to be members for 3-6 months before they would consider it. All of this makes me nervous.
Anyone have any tips or advice?
Francesca Pearl is here! Josephine Hope is almost 3!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Baptism- don't belong to church (Catholic)
DH and I aren't really active in a church either but plan on baptising DD. The churches around here usually just have you make a donation to the church (they say donate what you can afford).
Another thing you may be able to do is if you know anyone who is a member of a church, ask them if they can "put in a good word" for you with the church and maybe have it there.
I think that really depends on how serious you are about being Catholic. It is of course very important to get your child baptized ASAP, but it's also important to be married in the Church too. I think if you are planning on going to mass and raising your child to be Catholic then you should look around for a church that doesn't charge a ridiculous fee for something that is so important, and you feel comfortable going to.
We paid our priest 40 dollars and the church was free, but we were members and also SSPX. Still, 1500 is kind of ridiculous. That really makes me mad, it makes the Church look so bad in other people's eyes.
UGH that makes me so mad! 6 months is too long to wait, my LO was baptized a week after he was born. It should be a priority.
I think we're so anti-church because of what happened to us when we wanted to get married. It was awful!
We were both super religious growing up (I taught CCD throughout highschool and into college) but of course like most adults we had a bit of a change of heart with it all. I think the money grubbing really, really got to us. But it's important for Josie to be baptised not only for the traditional aspect.
We live in a very Jewish and urban area where there aren't a lot of Catholic churches so it's been hard to go to services. I just found an e-mail address in one churches online bulletin so we'll see what happens. I just don't think they should be gouging people, especially for a baptism- that's a new member!
Francesca Pearl is here! Josephine Hope is almost 3!
We were not married in the church, and have had no problem with that.
We are doing the baptism at my husband's family church in Savannah. All they have asked for is a letter fom the church here in Augusta saying that we have been attending mass. We also did the baptisim class here in Augusta and we will also need a letter saying we took it.
DX: PCOS & Endo
Cycle # 184,943 January 2010 Follistim, trigger, B2B IUI = BFP on Febuary 14, 2010
This is exactly why I go to the SSPX. The SSPX totally understands the priorities (not the mention Latin Mass is beautiful). It doesn't always come down to money, it comes down to salvation and trying to be a good catholic. WTH were they thinking, of course charging 1500 dollars for a ceremony is going to cause you to go elsewhere, which of course is against the teaching of the church.
Grrr. I'm so mad I could spit.
We weren't married in the Catholic church either. Before we had DS1 we became members. We had to take a baptism class, and meet with the priest, and before baptism, the priest blessed us and "married" us in the Catholic chuch. Didnt cost anything for baptism or the marriage ceremony. We did give a donation though.
I'm sure each church is different though.
We thought about doing the small private Catholic ceremony when we got married but they still wanted us to be members for 6+ months before they'd do anything. I just don't understand why they make it so hard for people. Aren't they hard up for money? Don't they want people to get the sacraments?
When we were looking it was definitely a fee, not a donation. The money to the priest was a donation but how are we going to not pay as much as we would have any other officiant?
We spent $500 at a private local College's chapel and their director of religious studies married us, no fuss. I wanted the Catholic wedding but why can they make it so damn hard for people?
Francesca Pearl is here! Josephine Hope is almost 3!
Meant to add we are not a "member" of a parish, we just have a church we go to. No tithing or anything. And we have been fine as far as being allowed to have her baptised.
DX: PCOS & Endo
Cycle # 184,943 January 2010 Follistim, trigger, B2B IUI = BFP on Febuary 14, 2010
All your responses are making me feel better. I feel bad enough she's 3 months old already.
I sent an e-mail to the closer church and we'll see what they have to say.
Nilla- it's like that with all the churches around here. Unless you or your family is a member they charge you all they can. We don't live near family and when you're young you're pretty nomadic, I don't know how they really expect you to be a full on member.
Francesca Pearl is here! Josephine Hope is almost 3!
My husband was raised Catholic and his entire family is Irish Catholic. It's important to his family so we're doing it for them.
I guess that makes sense.
I think the point is if the Church is going to lay down laws and say "you have to be married in the Church" it should be easy to do so, and not something that will break the bank.
It's not snarky and I can totally understand where the question comes from. That was my first question to H. I think deep down he still really believes and worries that if something happened to her, she wouldn't be baptized. I'm sort of a flip flopper on religion but I agree with him. We also want her to have a good basis in life for religion and it's easier for us to do it for her now rather than going through RIAA when she's older. We plan on sending her to Catholic school and CCD as well.
We also come from huge Italian and Irish Catholic families so there's a lot of guilt and pressure. We used to go to church almost every Sunday when we lived across the street from one in the city but now that the closest church is 20 min away, we just never bothered. That's a terrible reason, but it's true.
Francesca Pearl is here! Josephine Hope is almost 3!
I don't think them wanting you to be a member is bad persay, but baptism is important, like really really important to Catholics, and for them to make you wait is kinda ridic.
I'm hoping you find one near you that'll baptize asap, and that you guys would feel comfortable going to on a regular basis. Good luck!
This is a huge problem for me but I understand why it would make people feel they HAD to baptize LO. I guess I just don't get the "I don't believe in it enough to go to church regularly, but OMG! LO is damned if they're not baptized!"
What I'm saying makes sense in my head but not when I type so bear with me:
I don't agree with the Catholic church being a community. It's one thing for the local Baptist church that does things differently than any other place but a Catholic church is so standard (except for the homily of course). I feel that the sameness of the Catholic church means that they should want me to be members of ANY church, not one in particular. I'd gladly be on the "National Catholic Registry", it would be much easier for me. I shouldn't have to be a member of one particular parish for a certain length of time to get a sacrament.
Plus, I'd be paying more in that one time fee than most people pay in offerings all year. It's a win-win for the church. I'd be more apt to go to a church that is really welcoming to new members than one who puts strict requirements out there.
Francesca Pearl is here! Josephine Hope is almost 3!
Just because I don't attend service regularly doesn't mean I don't believe. Not me exactly but someone, anyone. You know what I mean. I believe that baptism is an important part of Christianity. I don't necessarily personally believe that going to mass weekly makes me a better Christian.
Francesca Pearl is here! Josephine Hope is almost 3!
Ok that makes sense.
If you're Catholic, the Church teaches that it is a Mortal Sin to marry someone out of the Church. That's a capital offense. I'm a little miffed as to why they would want to charge someone so much for something that is so vital.
To me, 1,500 is a LOT of money. Maybe I'm just broke, but I totally wouldn't have been able to afford it. My parents didn't pay for our wedding, and DH was looking for a job (he had a BA, and just now got a job, 2 years later), so a lot of corners were cut. If we had to pay that, it would have been VERY difficult to be married in the Church.
I can sense this might get heated, and I hate religious debates so I'm backing out now with that.
Are you seriously surprised that no Catholic church wants to take on your drive-by baptism? You think that your LO should be baptized because the church is "hard-up" for money?
I'll try to not be offended by your comments. But your insinuation that your kid should get baptized because you can pay good money basically goes against the entire idea of what sacraments are for in the first place.
DS and I have moved around a lot, it's not that hard to go fill out a membership form at the parish office and turn it in. And then boom, you are members. There's no blood sacrifice involved or anything.
I also want to add that $1500 for a wedding is insane. Our wedding was a $150 donation, and both baptisms have been free.
Were you and DH members at the church that was asking $1500?
Don't be nervous, some churches might surprise you. DH and I were married in a Catholic church, but since then, we've been going to non-denominational church that we love.
I called a local Catholic church in our community and the person I spoke with who is in charge of baptisms was amazing. He was so very kind. Even though DH and I aren't members, we can still have the boys baptized there. We just have to go to one orientation and that's it. Hopefully you will find a church that is accommodating.
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You've got it all wrong. I haven't contacted any churches yet, I was asking for anyone's experience with not being a member somewhere before getting baptised. I am not saying that they should take my money and do the baptism as sort of a fee based service. I am saying that the requirement to be a member for X amount of time is not welcoming and turns people off to the Church.
I agree that we are lazy asses who never became members anywhere. We really haven't found a parish we've liked either. Until we had a baby it wasn't important to us really, I'll be the first to admit it. Once you have a baby it changes your perspective a bit and I think H is really going through that.
And my hard up comment was more to the fact that the Catholic church is losing members left and right. Wouldn't they want to be a bit more accomodating to young members who are certainly willing to give offerings and donations for these services in addition to being regular members.
Francesca Pearl is here! Josephine Hope is almost 3!
Thank you for this. As I've said quite a few times we have no problem becoming members, and hell we might actually go to church. It's just my previous experience with time requirements and fees makes me anxious.
Francesca Pearl is here! Josephine Hope is almost 3!
The intention behind the waiting period is to ensure that the sacraments are being given to participating members of a church community. And it sounds like not all churches have this policy, so you might find one that can work with your situation.
It's not like Girl Scouts, where you can just complete a sacrament and get a badge. They want you to participate, to become involved, to find a faith home through the church. Hopefully your LO's baptism can be the beginning of you and you family finding a faith community that works for you (if that is what you want).
I guess I just don't understand why if people don't like the Catholic church, why they complain and want the Chuch to change for them. It's simple, just don't be Catholic anymore! : ) (This isn't directed at OP per se, but just a general observation. Sometimes people act like they are forced to be Catholic, and that's just not the case.) If I was continously unhappy with my church, I'd leave and find one that works for me.
I have definitely thought about it. I dragged H to a Unitarian Universalist service but he just wasn't having it. He feels like it's Catholic or nothing. I'm sure it's because it's familiar to him, I can totally understand. It's also the family pressure, too. There was enough of a roar about our wedding, if LO was baptized in another denomination we'd surely be disowned.
Francesca Pearl is here! Josephine Hope is almost 3!
Ultimately I'd like for that to occur. I didn't make that clear in any of my previous posts. I like your comparison to the girl scouts though.
I think we're comfortable being Catholic, we like the traditions of Catholicism, etc. I don't feel that another denomination would be what I want ( I was exposed to many as a child). I think it all comes down to being welcoming and open, rather than cold and distant.
Putting a time restriction on membership to receive sacraments makes it seem like a service contract rather than a welcoming celebration of life/love/etc.
Francesca Pearl is here! Josephine Hope is almost 3!
I think that is a difference between the faiths. Catholic dogma (since the OP is searching for a Catholic baptism), states that baptism is the cleansing of original sin. And Catholics don't do the whole "accepting Jesus Christ as our Savior". Not that Catholics don't believe Jesus is the Messiah, but that the road to Heaven is earned not just by acceptance of the big JC, but also by doing good works. In essence, Heaven must be earned by doing good and not sinning too much. : ) So wanting their child to be forgiven for original sin, even if they are not planning on attending church, does make sense in the Catholic framework, even though I'm sure that isn't the true intention of sacraments.
And I'm not saying one way is more right than the other, but rather just theological differences between organized religions.