LONG vent....Mom issues

imoan

Oh cutie pie... if you moved in with your parents, you did so because you "fell on hard times".  Which means you needed help paying your bills.  Yeah, you might be paying your cell phone and car payments right now.  But the fact that you're living with mommy & daddy proves that you're not paying bills in the same sense of the world that the rest of the independent, adult world is.  You're married, you have a kid... get your own place and stop playing house.  This is real life and you're an adult.  Start acting like on (hint: that means paying ALL your bills ALL on your own!)

chelsea_ems_fire

CommonName:

Is it possible for your father to apply for some sort of government assistance if he's as destitute as you make him seem?

That way, he can get some $$ influx, and you can still stay out of the situation while ensuring that he gets support.

They always shoot the messenger.  Remember that. 

We are trying to get some assistance for him. But the bills she left him with are so great, he still needs help to pay for other bills.  

UndecidedChange

I think you need to try to be objective, and remove yourself from the "anger" you have towards your mom and act rationally with what you have.

Right now, your main goal is to 1) secure a location for you, your DH and your future LO.

2) Ensure that your dad doesn't stay homeless and w/o food.

So take care of that.  In that order.  You're focused too much on how angry you are at your mom and that doesn't help.  That accomplishes nothing.  If you want to be helpful towards your dad, you can help him by ensuring that you go through with getting the appropriate assistance.  Focus on that.  What your mom is doing is her call, her will, her life.  You can't change that.  No one can.

What you can do is empower yourself and change what YOU can.  Do it.  And stop feeling sorry for you and your family's current situation.  Do something about it.  It'll be so much better in the end regardless of the outcome. 

sugarangel77

no judgement but, it sounds like you have a lot of problems beyond  your parents divorce....

 If i were you, I would "side" with the person who makes 6k/month.  maybe you could live with her.... sorry dad, but i have mouths to feed.

chelsea_ems_fire

imoan:

Oh cutie pie... if you moved in with your parents, you did so because you "fell on hard times".  Which means you needed help paying your bills.  Yeah, you might be paying your cell phone and car payments right now.  But the fact that you're living with mommy & daddy proves that you're not paying bills in the same sense of the world that the rest of the independent, adult world is.  You're married, you have a kid... get your own place and stop playing house.  This is real life and you're an adult.  Start acting like on (hint: that means paying ALL your bills ALL on your own!)

Obviously, sweet heart, you cannot read. Taking care of my father + saving money for the baby does not equal "can't pay bills". And we pay for a hell of a lot more than "cell phone and car payments". So do not assume things that of which you do not know. I'm sorry that you are not capable of understanding what it is like to have to take care of one or both of your ailing parents. I'm assuming you are the type to throw them in a nursing home and forget about them. My parents raised me and took care of me till I was 17 and moved out, so now I am here to help take care of them. Until the one able parent moves out and leaves the other high and dry that is. Which is what this post is about. Not you trying to make yourself seem high and mighty by calling someone "cutie pie" and assuming I cannot pay my bills.

chelsea_ems_fire

sugarangel77:

no judement but, it sounds like you have a lot of problems beyond  your parents divorce.... If i were you, I would "side" with the person who makes 6k/month.  maybe you could live with her.... sorry dad, but i have mouths to feed.

Not sure what other "problems" you are speaking of. But I am not looking for someone to take care of me. I can take care of myself. My concern is taking care of my father.

And again, I don't mean for it to sound pitty-party. I thought this was a vent????  

sugarangel77

chelsea_ems_fire:

imoan:

Stop playing house and be adults.  You're married, have a kid on the way... yet you're annoyed that your mother is asking you to pay for your own shyt.  Seriously... grow up.

I'm sorry, when did I ever say that I could not pay my bills????? I said I am able to pay my bills, but not my father's as well. Which she has left us to do. Get your story straight before you post. 

Not trying to be a 'b'  but, when you say "we feel on hard times" 99% of people hear that as, "we have no money" Im not sure what else it could mean...... 

besides, you said you just wait tables, which usually translates to= little income and that your DH has child support which means= other kids to feed.

I dont care, Im just saying, the best thing for you to do is follow the person with money..... MOM, thats probably what your brother is thinking.

 

Pogs

I'm curious what kind of disability your father has that he was able to get 3 hours away while your mom was moving stuff out, and yet they still "needed" you to come and help take care of him.

JNBrickey

sugarangel77:

I dont care, Im just saying, the best thing for you to do is follow the person with money..... MOM, thats probably what your brother is thinking.

 

You're being snarky, right?

LvcyHoneychrrch

DH and I moved in with them a few months ago because my dad had gotten sick and was in the hospital for a month and a half and is still recovering, and DH and I had fallen onto some hard times as well, so we just moved into their 4 bedroom house with them.

I am only working as a waitress right now, because it is too dangerous to work as a paramedic while pregnant. And DH makes very little money after his child support is taken out of his check. My mother was the one really paying the bills

She is not leaving us with much at all, and with very little income to be able to pay bills and get food.

*********

It's not just us willfully misunderstanding your post.  Your OP clearly indicates that you had fallen on financial hard times, and that you were to a degree depending on your parents.

Either that, or you wrote the OP badly and were unclear from the start.

 

sugarangel77

JNBrickey:

sugarangel77:

I dont care, Im just saying, the best thing for you to do is follow the person with money..... MOM, thats probably what your brother is thinking.

You're being snarky, right?

hahaha, I'm just saying, doesnt sound like' mom' really did anything wrong to me.... she just doesnt love 'dad' anymore, but she has all the money and this girl has a baby on the way... let the other sibblings "take care" of dad and she should take care of baby.  If i were her thats what i would do. selfish or not

kerrbear72

Bottom line is, mom and dad splitting up sucks. You can't change it. You can't fix it. Accept it and make the best of it.

Ultimately, no one is going to take care of you but you. 

Focus on you, DH and your LO and all will fall in to place eventually. 

mikeandjenn

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through especially considering you are pregnant. I will pray for you and your family, because I am sure this is extremely tough right now. I went through a huge family crisis right during the middle of my wedding so I know what it is like to suffer in a huge way in the midst of a happy time.

Try to keep your bond with your husband strong and try to get out of the house together to get some fresh air. I think your husband will be the most important source of strength for you right now. I will be praying for you.

elisbu

I can see why you are hurt and frustrated. These are your parents. They aren't supposed to split up, they are supposed to be an exampleof  a loving marriage for you.

You need to let them do their thing though. I suggest you and DH get out ASAP. The longer you live there, the more you will see/hear and the more you will get involved.

You can give your dad advice if he asks for it, but other than that, you can't control them.

I am sorry this is happening. I would be livid and crushed all at the same time.

chelsea_ems_fire

sugarangel77:

JNBrickey:

sugarangel77:

I dont care, Im just saying, the best thing for you to do is follow the person with money..... MOM, thats probably what your brother is thinking.

You're being snarky, right?

hahaha, I'm just saying, doesnt sound like' mom' really did anything wrong to me.... she just doesnt love 'dad' anymore, but she has all the money and this girl has a baby on the way... let the other sibblings "take care" of dad and she should take care of baby.  If i were her thats what i would do. selfish or not

First off, "this girl"? Do not treat me as if I am some little kid. Second off, that's nice if you would feel fine leaving your parent to take care of himself when he is ill, but I will not. Third, one brother is 20 and spending the next 3 months in Ecuador and the other is in no position to take care of someone. So I am left to care for my father.

As far as everyone else, thank you for your understanding. I did not come here for sympathy/a pity party or advice (though some was helpful), I just came here to vent. 

janjag

You're pregnant, so the timing of the ENTIRE situation sucks.  I am not being snarky at all here, but were you planning on being the breadwinner in this relationship?  Your DH, "makes very little money after child support is taken out of his check" is the most upsetting thing about this post to me.  Yes, "things happen" in life, but I can't wrap my head around marrying into that.  I hope that is a very temporary situation - as your expenses are about to increase... yes I know you know that.  Can he get 2nd job?   

To be proactive, here's my 2c:

If you want to stay living with your dad, which I can understand since he is still recovering from an illness and no income at the moment, then have HIM call the landlord and see about ending the lease early.  He can report the "loss" of a dryer (assuming he's on the lease and you are not).  Even though he's ill, and even though he's in a huge shock.  If you try to take care of everything, he might just check out of making any decisions for himself.

YOU start looking for a place in your own name where you can have dad live with you.  Maybe you can get by in a 3br instead of a 4br.  When your dad's disability comes in (or spousal support) he can pitch in too.

Best of luck to you!

sugarangel77

chelsea_ems_fire:

sugarangel77:

JNBrickey:

sugarangel77:

I dont care, Im just saying, the best thing for you to do is follow the person with money..... MOM, thats probably what your brother is thinking.

You're being snarky, right?

hahaha, I'm just saying, doesnt sound like' mom' really did anything wrong to me.... she just doesnt love 'dad' anymore, but she has all the money and this girl has a baby on the way... let the other sibblings "take care" of dad and she should take care of baby.  If i were her thats what i would do. selfish or not

First off, "this girl"? Do not treat me as if I am some little kid. Second off, that's nice if you would feel fine leaving your parent to take care of himself when he is ill, but I will not. Third, one brother is 20 and spending the next 3 months in Ecuador and the other is in no position to take care of someone. So I am left to care for my father.

As far as everyone else, thank you for your understanding. I did not come here for sympathy/a pity party or advice (though some was helpful), I just came here to vent. 

 whoa whoa whoa---- i just didnt feel like copying your name.... "this girl " is just referencing the girl we are talking nbout to the other girl i was talking to.... I think your taking it to personal. sorry i didnt say your name Rhianna. (song refernce, for laughs)

 My mom and dad split when i was 4, my mom has been remarried 3 times, i have 7 siblings, and a ton of new and old parents.... one who is on chemo and still manages to make it to work, travel the country and make bank... I know all about divorce, i know it sucks. But i also know that you cant do anything about it.

I am not trying to make fun of you or billttle you, I honestly just think you need to focus on whats best for you. I guess i just didnt say it sweet enough for you. sorry.

 

amatistajoy

janjag:

You're pregnant, so the timing of the ENTIRE situation sucks.  I am not being snarky at all here, but were you planning on being the breadwinner in this relationship?  Your DH, "makes very little money after child support is taken out of his check" is the most upsetting thing about this post to me.  Yes, "things happen" in life, but I can't wrap my head around marrying into that.  I hope that is a very temporary situation - as your expenses are about to increase... yes I know you know that.  Can he get 2nd job?   

To be proactive, here's my 2c:

If you want to stay living with your dad, which I can understand since he is still recovering from an illness and no income at the moment, then have HIM call the landlord and see about ending the lease early.  He can report the "loss" of a dryer (assuming he's on the lease and you are not).  Even though he's ill, and even though he's in a huge shock.  If you try to take care of everything, he might just check out of making any decisions for himself.

YOU start looking for a place in your own name where you can have dad live with you.  Maybe you can get by in a 3br instead of a 4br.  When your dad's disability comes in (or spousal support) he can pitch in too.

Best of luck to you!

all of this.

andreaholt11

imoan:

Oh cutie pie... if you moved in with your parents, you did so because you "fell on hard times".  Which means you needed help paying your bills.  Yeah, you might be paying your cell phone and car payments right now.  But the fact that you're living with mommy & daddy proves that you're not paying bills in the same sense of the world that the rest of the independent, adult world is.  You're married, you have a kid... get your own place and stop playing house.  This is real life and you're an adult.  Start acting like on (hint: that means paying ALL your bills ALL on your own!)

I'm  not commenting on anything the OP said but I kind of took offense to this..given my current situation. My fiance' and I live with his parents. We do pay them rent, not alot but enough. We both work full time and I was going to school up until a month ago. I just felt like this was a little judgmental. Just because you live with your parents doesn't mean you're "playing house".  We're saving up to buy a house right now...sometimes people just need help..please don't judge them.

momma4jax

janjag:

You're pregnant, so the timing of the ENTIRE situation sucks.  I am not being snarky at all here, but were you planning on being the breadwinner in this relationship?  Your DH, "makes very little money after child support is taken out of his check" is the most upsetting thing about this post to me.  Yes, "things happen" in life, but I can't wrap my head around marrying into that.  I hope that is a very temporary situation - as your expenses are about to increase... yes I know you know that.  Can he get 2nd job?   

To be proactive, here's my 2c:

If you want to stay living with your dad, which I can understand since he is still recovering from an illness and no income at the moment, then have HIM call the landlord and see about ending the lease early.  He can report the "loss" of a dryer (assuming he's on the lease and you are not).  Even though he's ill, and even though he's in a huge shock.  If you try to take care of everything, he might just check out of making any decisions for himself.

YOU start looking for a place in your own name where you can have dad live with you.  Maybe you can get by in a 3br instead of a 4br.  When your dad's disability comes in (or spousal support) he can pitch in too.

Best of luck to you!

 

I know im late in the game here, but i agree 100% with this poster. I understand that most of the PPs point of view, but it didnt need to come down to a flame fest of the OP, which left her angry with everyone else as well as the situation she is in with her family. The women of the bump come to vent here to other women who might understand their situations, not to come and get told to grow up, and 'stop playing house'..? i think there could have been a better way to tell her to stay out of the situation than what was done and said. i not saying baby anyone but constructive advice not destructive advice. 

Im sorry for the OP that this crap is happening it would piss me off too. I would tho find a smaller place that maybe your dad could stay with you until his disability comes through or the spousal support. Then maybe if your comfortable with it, find an apartment place or something of the sort that take disabled renters and is willing to work with them. My mom is a home health care aide so everyone she works with is on disability and is in an apartment. it might take some time but i think you'll make it through. Its going to be tough but just take everything one day at a time, and think about the baby thats coming soon to cheer yourself up!. 

Best of luck to you! and im sorry you got flamed so bad for venting. ive been there before.  

andreaholt11

momma4jax:

 

I know im late in the game here, but i agree 100% with this poster. I understand that most of the PPs point of view, but it didnt need to come down to a flame fest of the OP, which left her angry with everyone else as well as the situation she is in with her family. The women of the bump come to vent here to other women who might understand their situations, not to come and get told to grow up, and 'stop playing house'..? i think there could have been a better way to tell her to stay out of the situation than what was done and said. i not saying baby anyone but constructive advice not destructive advice. 

WELL SAID! I agree 100%