Severe Depression during pregnancy - DH does not understand

emt852

I am 8 weeks and 5 days pregnant.  This is our first child together.  I have a long history of severe depression (since I was about 11 years old).  I have been on multiple medications and none of them have really worked for me.  I started taking Cymbalta and Trazodone about a year before becoming pregnant.  The combination was the only thing that has ever helped me to feel "normal" and happy.  When I found out that I was pregnant, I stopped taking the trazodone becuase I wanted to take the least medication that I could tolerate.

In the past few weeks everything has gone downhill.  I feel extremely depressed, and anxious.  All i want to do is sleep, I am fighting with my husband, and I am seriously questioning all the decisions I have made in life, including my marriage.  Before getting pregnant I was extremely content. 

 I try to talk to my husband about it but he does not understand.  He just keeps telling me that I am "fine" when really he has no idea what I am going through.  I have seriously been considering an abortion because of how horrible things have been. 

Next week I have an OB appointment and I really need to talk to her about adding or changing my medication.  But, my husband is going with me, and he is going to tell the doctor that i'm fine.  I don't know what to do at this point.  I'm sorry this is so long, but I really don't know who to turn to.  I feel so alone and desperate.  I was in therapy for many many years, but ultimately it boils down to a chemical imbalance, and nothing but the right medications can make me feel ok. 

boomersooner9779

oh i am so so sorry! i was actually just going to start a thread on here about my husband not getting it. but your situation seems so much worse.

first of all, i am totally pro-choice but in this instance, i really hope that you chose not to abort. there is help out there, and even if you have to find it somewhere other than your husband, it is there. have you tried any support groups? any close friends to talk to? 

hopefully your husband going to the appt with you will help some. try and get the doc to explain as much as she can to him about whats going on. the physiology and mental aspects of it all. i had a very hard time with my dh during preg as well. he basically just told me i was crazy when i would have breakdowns and that was just the last thing i needed to hear, you know?

i had pretty awful anxiety before getting pg and was able to stay off meds til i stopped bf, then it just became too much and worse than ever. so i'm back and feeling better but dh still just doesnt understand and it's incredibly disheartening. 

please feel free to pm me anytime if you need someone to listen!! and gl at your appt!

greenbean79

Hi,

So sorry to hear you're having a hard time. I too have a history of depression and I'm 12 weeks pregnant with my first. The first 10 or so weeks were very difficult....I too found myself questioning all my life decisions (and sometimes still do). I believe it is best for me and the baby for me to be on Prozac while pregnant. My doc says it's fine.

I think you really need to emphasize to your doc how hard of a time you're having (despite what your husband may say). And ask her what she recommends. There are antidepressants out there that are safe during pregnancy.

Best of luck to you...you can PM me any time as well......having a baby is a huge life changing experience and I think all the changes that our body is going through (and the changes we know are coming withing the next 9 months) sometimes create more anxiety and depression.

Take care and good luck. You're not alone.

oh_maria

I can completely relate. I've been on Effexor XR for three years and my first tri was the lowest I'd ever felt since getting on the medication. Remember to ask your OB about the first tri blues- it's real and it happens. Once I hit the second tri, I felt immeasureably better. I still have some bad lows, but they are not nearly as bad as the first tri.

 My FI sounds very similar to your H. He keeps trying to "fix me" and rationalize my "issues." Like you, it's just a chemcial thing and not one or two particular issues that cause my situation.

 Please consider sticking to the pregnancy for at least 12 weeks, maybe 14. The second tri does make a world of difference and actually bonding with the baby is incredible (with kicks and u/s). Another thing to consider is how your H is viewing things. I literally have to explain how my world works to FI pretty regularly and he's starting to "get it." Unless you think your H has ulterior motives or doesn't care, then I'm sure he's just trying his best. Make sure your voice is heard at your OB. It's your body (and really your baby for right now), so you're the priority.

I'm considering switching to Wellbutrin for my third tri/birth/bfing because it seems to be a good alternative to Effexor for pregnancy, but I have to be on meds in some way at least for now.

 Feel free to PM me if you'd like to know more. Hope that helps and very, very best of luck

totallyshocked

Im not pregnant now but have been battling depression and anxiety for 12 years now. I was med free during my entire pregnancy but will say emotionally my first trimester was kinda bad.....I was starting to second guess everything!

However my 2nd and 3rd tris were Great!! I had soo much energy and excitement! I did suffer PPD and PPA after LO was born but once I had meds again am doing great!! Once your body gets used to the changes you should be able to enjoy being pregnant. 

 

 *HUGS*

beautiflaw

I was feeling the same way before I got to see my OB and my psychiatrist. My husband does NOT get it either. When we found out I was pregnant (we weren't trying) I was so scared. I just got on a combo of meds that was working and I was feeling good, and I had to stop them. So after dealing with some crazy withdrawal symptoms from stopping the meds, I finally got to see my docs. Since I knew my husband was going to tell my doctors he felt I was fine, I told him I wanted to discuss my issues with them alone. I told them that I was feeling depressed and wasn't sure if I should even keep the baby and I was totally honest and up front about everything I was feeling. My psychiatrist told me its totally normal to second guess yourself and be worried, and that at first a lot of husbands are confused and don't really understand. So she gave me some medicine that is safe to take during pregnancy and since then I've been ok. I still have days where I think I can't handle it, but on those days I just sleep and try to relax. Its ok to be scared. Even moms without depression get scared, especially on the first time. 

 I bought my husband a book about depression, and since he started reading it I think he understands a little bit better. That might be something for you to think about. He might be in denial about the issue. He might be telling himself you're fine when he knows you're not because he may be just as scared as you are.