Rude FB comment

MrsBreezer80

So I was recently laid off from my job, and am adjusting to the stay at home mom life. I'm KU, so I won't be looking for a job until after the baby is born.

Chloe was having a VERY bad day yesterday, so on FB, I posted this:

SERIOUS props to stay at home mom's ... I honestly have no idea how I am going to do this for the next 10 months

Friend A writes:  U can do it!!! think of the bonding

I write: I am thinking of adoption, that's what I'm thinking of!

And then my 19-year-old, inexperienced SIL writes: Ummm....first of all...adoption? That's kinda fucked up don't ya think? and second of all....knocked up? kinda makes it sound like it was a mistake which I'm pretty sure it wasn't and even if it was...it's your child. It's a damn good thing you have (DH) and family to help. and if you feel that way then I suggest you stop having children. Woooow. It's pretty embarassing getting phone calls about your status...

Um, what?! I am so angry right now I am seriously thinking of calling and telling her off. She is the most sensitive person in the world, and if you say boo to this girl she locks herself in her bedroom for a week crying - but feels that its OK to write *** like this? Niiiicceee. And then my g-d DH takes HER side and says something like "You shouldn't post stuff like that on FB" --- I have NO CONTACT WITH ADULTS anymore! I have some SAHM friends on FB whom I know would sympathize, and GOD FORBID I FREAKING VENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

CCCPitt

I would most definitely call her.  It was clear you were venting/joking and she should be told that her comments were completely out of line. 

This is the reason I am one of the 10 people remaining on the planet Earth without a FB account . 

Mrs.Keith2B

:::slowly backing out of post:::

Danica

Sounds like a 19 year old who doesn't understand sarcasm and certainly can't relate to a mom "making fun" of her new role at home.  Not really making fun of, but you know what I mean.

I'd have to call her and talk with her about this or it would drive me insane forever.

Did you delete her comment?  I'd do that first and then call her to tell her why her comment was deleted and how it made you feel.

dragonsmercy

Wow, your SIL needs to realize what "sarcasm" means... since I'm pretty sure you weren't being serious about the adoption comment. A lot of SAHM's joke about giving away their kids all the time. Heck, there are days when I say "Can I return them?" as a joke, just cuz I get frustrated with both of them at the same time... but it doesn't mean I'd ever really do it, or love them any less. And why do ppl jump down our throats about the term "Knocked up"?? Seriously! It's just a phrase, people!

As for the whole SAH frustration... find some mommy and me type groups, and play places where you can take your DD... they REALLY help for some adult interaction, and safe environments for your DD to play, so you can relax a bit.

simplejude

I would absolutely call her. I would also de-friend and block her on FB. That is incredibly inappropriate for her to write on your FB, and she has absolutely no idea what she is talking about, as she is 19 years old and doesn't have a child. You were being sarcastic FFS!

Even though you dont have DH's support on this one, I wouldn't let it go. I would have to call her and I probably wouldnt be very calm/nice when I did.

~Soleil~

I'd have given you a side-eye, to be honest. There are some things you just don't say in public...

excitedforlittleone

19 really? I'd smack a biiiittch.

Lizard2022

~Soleil~:

I'd have given you a side-eye, to be honest. There are some things you just don't say in public...

ITA.

yankeebaby2

If you were my sister in law I would have said something too. 

That may be something you should vent here anonymously but not share with everyone that is your friend on facebook.  

buboo

Well I do think to most people (especially other mothers) it would be obvious you were joking. Your SIL obviously does not get that b/c she is in a different stage in her life and lacks experience. I would probably call her and also block her on fb.

On another note, I would not personally post anything like that even if it were obvious I was being sarcastic. I have a 'friend' on fb that seems to always be complaining about how difficult her life is with her 2yr old twins and I have her blocked because I think many of her comments are inappropriate. JMO though.  

Lesley0228

I think you used a poor choice of phrase in your sarcasm. I don't find threatening adoption funny. Now if you had said, "I'm thinking about sending her off to the circus..." it would have been the same point and no one (probably even crazy SIL) would have thought twice about it. Regardless, your SIL was way out of line and overly dramatic with her response. Obviously, you love your child and as an idiotic 19 yo, she doesn't seem to understand that even really good parents get stressed out. I would delete her response and call give to discuss this. Sorry that your DH isn't backing you on this.

Liz342

I'd be pissed.  Delete the comment and message her on FB.  Then delete her!

You didn't say anything wrong.  FB is somewhat "public" but not completely.  I'm assuming only those on your friends list can see what you post so it's not like strangers would see that and think you were serious.

One time I put on FB that my DD gave up her nap and that is every SAHM's worst nightmare.  One of my "friends" commented saying I should be lucky to SAH and she only sees her kids a couple hours a day and blah blah.  I was just venting and somewhat joking and just tried to make me feel worse, I was so mad. 

I think some people need to just move on when they see something they don't like.  It's FB and you aren't obligated to comment on everything you read.

Chrysallys

I think it was a poor choice of wording on your part. I agree with pp, a comment like the circus one would have been understood as sarcasm much more than the one you made.

Linz29

Chrysallys:

I think it was a poor choice of wording on your part. I agree with pp, a comment like the circus one would have been understood as sarcasm much more than the one you made.

ITA

Ivana_Stolichnaya

I don't find anything funny about putting your child up for adoption because you're over-whelmed.  You say stuff like that on a public forum, then be prepared for some people to come right out and say exactly what they're thinking. 

She was a little blunt but I wouldn't have posted that vent of yours.  Sorry, I can't side with you on this one.

Echowysp

I'd just remind her that it's easy to talk when you haven't been in the situation and that pull out the "one day you'll know what I'm talking about" card. 

She's a kid and ignorant.  Ignore her.

ETA:  Geez, tough crowd here.  Don't worry, OP, my friends and I joke at times on FB (and in RL) about running away from home, having children up for cheap sale and wanting to rip our hair out.  None of which is ever taking serious and is understood to be a joke.  

Alex17

Echowysp:

I'd just remind her that it's easy to talk when you haven't been in the situation and that pull out the "one day you'll know what I'm talking about" card. 

She's a kid and ignorant.  Ignore her.

This. And block her if she is such a drama queen.

gumiberg

i would say nothing and simply delete the comment and de-friend her.

i am also careful about what i say on facebook, which is why i dont post many status updates.  unless you are very select about your friends, you have to be careful about what you post.   

BeanieWeanie

~Soleil~:

I'd have given you a side-eye, to be honest. There are some things you just don't say in public...

I agree. I get that you were frustrated but I don't think it was funny. 

Temp67694062501186

formerlyknownaseflo:

19 really? I'd smack a biiiittch.

 

Lol uhm yeah.

 

Unlike quite a few PPs, I don't think what you said was that inappropriate.  It was obvious you were joking and using sarcasm.  Many people just take stuff way too seriously, or can't feel out sarcasm.  Take it as a lesson learned.  Maybe don't post something like that in the future, or block SIL, or both.  Or neither.  I wouldn't call SIL over it.  I would probably just message her on FB and say nothing more than "SIL - IT.WAS.A.JOKE."  The end.

 

She sounds like a doll.  *eyeroll*

Temp67694062501186

Echowysp:

I'd just remind her that it's easy to talk when you haven't been in the situation and that pull out the "one day you'll know what I'm talking about" card. 

She's a kid and ignorant.  Ignore her.

ETA:  Geez, tough crowd here.  Don't worry, OP, me and my friends joke at times on FB (and in RL) about running away from home, having children up for cheap sale and wanting to rip our hair out.  None of which is ever taking serious and is understood to be a joke.  

 

Seriously.  Good lord.

 

 

ivs112

SIL is definitely overreacting. Your comment wasn't that bad and I'm sure it was obvious that you were being sarcastic. I wouldn't give you the side eye but I wouldn't post anything like that myself.

Lizard2022

Even joking, how do you think your LO would feel if they read that years from now?   I think people should be more careful of what they post on facebook.  Saying you are thinking about giving away your child is nothing to joke about.  It reminds me of when people think it is OK to joke about their Lo being "brats" or "little shitts".

monica93555

I agree with others that this is a tough crowd. Personally, all my friends on fb are completely understanding. Most of my friends are sahm's too and completely understand and are there for each other when we post vents on facebook. I've seen comments similiar to that posted and have never seen negative feedback after that. Being a mom has it's tough times and sometimes we need to bring in a little humorous sarcasm to help us get through the day. Your true friends are those who get you completely when you post crazy things like that because, well your day just may have been that crazy.

If it were me I would have just deleted the comment and never made any mention of it again (just because I hate confrontation). But if the problem goes on then yes, I would definately delete her as a fb friend.

Echowysp

Lizard2022:

Even joking, how do you think your LO would feel if they read that years from now?   I think people should be more careful of what they post on facebook.  Saying you are thinking about giving away your child is nothing to joke about.  It reminds me of when people think it is OK to joke about their Lo being "brats" or "little shitts".

You really think that her child is going to scroll back to a comment made on FB 20 years ago?  Really?  

Good lord, it's not like she posted it in the kid's baby book.  

Pier1girl

Obviously you needed to vent but I wouldn't have put that on FB.  I try not to put negative stuff on FB about DD or DH.  IMO you never know who might be envious that you have a LO-- for all you know you may have friends who have tried without success to have a LO.  Not to mention, I just think it sends a poor message about the kind of parent you are.  Not saying you're a bad parent, just that people might interpret that.

If you need to vent, call a friend IRL or post in a more anonymous environment (such as TB).

But that being said, yes what your SIL said was out of line.  I'd delete the comment and move on.

CalinsBride

Teacher Clark:

negative comments from someone between 12-22 just need to be ignored becuase at that age they tend to KNOW EVERYTHING and assume that everyone else around them are idiots.  (obviously this is a generalization)

OBVIOUSLY. I'd watch it with that

mechanicsgirl

I'm really surprised how many people here wouldn't have been able to see you were joking.  Maybe it's because I have friends that have the same sense of humor you do, but I wouldn't think you were talking seriously in the slightest. 

I'd call and talk some sense into her.  She's being ridiculous, as are the "relatives" calling about your status.

Lizard2022

Echowysp:

Lizard2022:

Even joking, how do you think your LO would feel if they read that years from now?   I think people should be more careful of what they post on facebook.  Saying you are thinking about giving away your child is nothing to joke about.  It reminds me of when people think it is OK to joke about their Lo being "brats" or "little shitts".

You really think that her child is going to scroll back to a comment made on FB 20 years ago?  Really?  

Good lord, it's not like she posted it in the kid's baby book.  

Its not probable, but possible.  I just think people should be more respectful towards their kids.  Before I post anything, I think about how it will make people feel, even if they can't read yet.   I try not to ever put anything out there that could hurt DS, even in jest.  I may be too sensitive though.

Cheekie4

I know you were joking around, but ILs tend to be judging.  I judge my own all the time, & they judge me right back.  Just be careful of what you put out there.  GL

Chrysallys

mechanicsgirl:

I'm really surprised how many people here wouldn't have been able to see you were joking.  Maybe it's because I have friends that have the same sense of humor you do, but I wouldn't think you were talking seriously in the slightest. 

I'd call and talk some sense into her.  She's being ridiculous, as are the "relatives" calling about your status.

Oh I can see she was joking. I just don't think it was funny, nor would I expect everyone else to think it is funny. Again, it's all in the wording.

Echowysp

Lizard2022:

Echowysp:

Lizard2022:

Even joking, how do you think your LO would feel if they read that years from now?   I think people should be more careful of what they post on facebook.  Saying you are thinking about giving away your child is nothing to joke about.  It reminds me of when people think it is OK to joke about their Lo being "brats" or "little shitts".

You really think that her child is going to scroll back to a comment made on FB 20 years ago?  Really?  

Good lord, it's not like she posted it in the kid's baby book.  

Its not probable, but possible.  I just think people should be more respectful towards their kids.  Before I post anything, I think about how it will make people feel, even if they can't read yet.   I try not to ever put anything out there that could hurt DS, even in jest.  I may be too sensitive though.

Maybe I hang with a thug crowd, but the small group of friends I have on FB all are parents and all pretty much have the same sense of humor.  If they are that sensitive to a mild joke (and come on, giving away a tantruming kid is pretty much the oldest joke for moms and is hardly disrespectful), they need to relax and talk to people who really DO disrespect their kids. 

jenber77

nola*Steph:

Unlike quite a few PPs, I don't think what you said was that inappropriate.  It was obvious you were joking and using sarcasm.  Many people just take stuff way too seriously, or can't feel out sarcasm.  Take it as a lesson learned.  Maybe don't post something like that in the future, or block SIL, or both.  Or neither.  I wouldn't call SIL over it.  I would probably just message her on FB and say nothing more than "SIL - IT.WAS.A.JOKE."  The end.

 

 

I'm in this camp.

daisy_dueller

Lizard2022:

Even joking, how do you think your LO would feel if they read that years from now?   I think people should be more careful of what they post on facebook.  Saying you are thinking about giving away your child is nothing to joke about.  It reminds me of when people think it is OK to joke about their Lo being "brats" or "little shitts".

My mom used to say she was going to drop me off at the Native Reserve. Never once did I actually think she was going to do that, and it never hurt my feelings either...just sayin'.

 OP, I think it depends on how you usually post your statuses. Are you constantly complaining about your life, or your child? Because then I would say that her comments are warrented. Granted, she shouldn't have made them on facebook, but she's 19, and her entire life is probably on the internet. I have some FB friends that are always super negative about their lives, their kids, whatever, and its really, really annoying. If it were my SIL saying all those things, I would probably call her out.

shellybell15

Echowysp:

Lizard2022:

Echowysp:

Lizard2022:

Even joking, how do you think your LO would feel if they read that years from now?   I think people should be more careful of what they post on facebook.  Saying you are thinking about giving away your child is nothing to joke about.  It reminds me of when people think it is OK to joke about their Lo being "brats" or "little shitts".

You really think that her child is going to scroll back to a comment made on FB 20 years ago?  Really?  

Good lord, it's not like she posted it in the kid's baby book.  

Its not probable, but possible.  I just think people should be more respectful towards their kids.  Before I post anything, I think about how it will make people feel, even if they can't read yet.   I try not to ever put anything out there that could hurt DS, even in jest.  I may be too sensitive though.

Maybe I hang with a thug crowd, but the small group of friends I have on FB all are parents and all pretty much have the same sense of humor.  If they are that sensitive to a mild joke (and come on, giving away a tantruming kid is pretty much the oldest joke for moms and is hardly disrespectful), they need to relax and talk to people who really DO disrespect their kids. 

I guess I'm a thug too (btw, that is a joke). I don't get the big deal of the post either. Yesterday my friend posted "10 year old and his dog for sale. Any takers?" No one took her serious, because it is a freakin joke! And for those who say it's not funny, fine, don't laugh. But don't take it so serious either. She is just venting a little.

As for the SIL I would defintely be calling her to staighten things out. I would be just too uncomfortable at the next family function if I didn't. Then I would delete her!

ambs21

Ivana.Stolichnaya:

I don't find anything funny about putting your child up for adoption because you're over-whelmed.  You say stuff like that on a public forum, then be prepared for some people to come right out and say exactly what they're thinking. 

She was a little blunt but I wouldn't have posted that vent of yours.  Sorry, I can't side with you on this one.

ITA.  If my SIL said that about my niece (who drives us all crazy sometimes), I would say something too.  I would call rather than post publicly, but I am older and hopefully more mature than your teenage SIL.  Still, joking about adoption is bound to get you the side eye.  It's offensive to a lot of people.

FerreraRocher

I would have known it was sarcasm but I would have found it to be in very bad taste. Adoption is not funny in my eyes. Also, if you put it on Facebook than expect comments good or bad.

shellybell15

FerreraRocher:

I would have known it was sarcasm but I would have found it to be in very bad taste. Adoption is not funny in my eyes. Also, if you put it on Facebook than expect comments good or bad.

See, I just don't agree with this. Now on here, absolutely, it is a bunch of strangers. But on FB it is your friends and family. So while not everyone has to agree with you, they can a least be respectful and have some tact. If my family said something that really bothered me I would send an email or call them.

FerreraRocher

shellybell15:

FerreraRocher:

I would have known it was sarcasm but I would have found it to be in very bad taste. Adoption is not funny in my eyes. Also, if you put it on Facebook than expect comments good or bad.

See, I just don't agree with this. Now on here, absolutely, it is a bunch of strangers. But on FB it is your friends and family. So while not everyone has to agree with you, they can a least be respectful and have some tact. If my family said something that really bothered me I would send an email or call them.

I am not saying that what the original poster posted is the worst. Now if any of my family or friends posted something that was brazen and I disagreed than yes I would respond to their post. They can delete it if they want but than why post something if you don't want a reaction?

katekirschner

Just delete her comment.