Could you be single forever? — The Bump
Single Parents

Could you be single forever?

Post on 12-24 got me thinking about this.  Would you be happy if, for the rest of your life, you were single?

Could you be content?  Would you feel like something is missing?  Thoughts? 

Personally, I have an internal battle going on.  I want to feel fine without having someone, and most of the time I do.  But I struggle with loneliness.  Or, I get sad when I see families with a mommy and a daddy.  It also makes me feel bad for P, like he's missing out. 

So, I guess my answer is that I would be ok being single, but I would certainly prefer to not have it be as such.  I would like to eventually find someone, whether that means that I get married again or not.

Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
image

PM me for the new blog address!

Re: Could you be single forever?

  • I was single for 11+ years and I honestly believed I would stay that way, at least until P was old enough to be out on her own.  I dated some, but came to the conclusion that I needed to spend that time focusing on myself and my child instead of the drama of dating.  I was very content with our little fmily of two and do believe I would still be happy if I was still in that situation.

    It's so hard to be in a relationship when you have a LO that isn't your significant others child.  I love my H and new baby, but sometimes I long for the days that it was just P and I. 

    I think it is super important for someone to learn to be happy and content on their own, raising their LO, before they attempt another relationship.

    Disclaimer:  I am doped up on pain meds so I hope this made sense.  If not, I get a pass today! lol

    image

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Right now I could go either way on marriage specifically, but I would be happier if I had a partner in life. One day DD is gonna grow up and I don't want to be at home alone. I am the kind of person who's happier when I'm in a relationship/dating someone. Sad, but true.

    Of course if it's not destined for me to be with anyone again, then I won't have a choice but to be single forever lol. I can't force someone to be with me who doesn't want to be, and I'm not going to settle for a loser again.

    ETA I also want to add that there are certain things I enjoy about being single that I will miss when I'm in a relationship, such as being independent/not having to account for anything to someone else. Every time I read the "DH vents" it makes me chuckle and makes me happy I don't have to deal with that stuff; in-laws, money sharing etc.

    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • Not forever. But I could have been content to be for a while.

    I think things tend to heppen when you LEAST expect or hope for them to. Just when you find complete contentment in being single, Mr. Perfect will waltz into your life.

  • Right now I'm content being single.  My kids are 1 and 3 - my "reason" for doing anything right now is to help them grow up to be happy, well-adjusted people.  So, for the forseeable future, I don't see myself going out of my way to find someone.

    I do know that this will not always be the case - I especially do not want to be an overbearing helicopter parent when my kids are, say, 30...  Stick out tongue

    image
    image
  • I guess I'm along with everyone in saying that I do being single, but I would love to share our (E's and mine) lives with another person. I am content though because I know that THIS is the best situation for E. Me and him, happiness!

    *Puppies and rainbows!!!

  • No, I'm way too sexual of a person to be single forever. 

    image

    imageimage

    TheseFourButton-1.png

  • image DarthNBJenni:
    No, I'm way too sexual of a person to be single forever. 

    Love the honesty!  Hmmmm, maybe this is part of my dilemma!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    image

    PM me for the new blog address!
  • I feel like I'm torn 50/50 on this issue. Now, I'm only 3 months out from my separation, so that may have something to do with it. I don't know, I've always been a relationship person, happier when I am in a serious relationship. I've been a serial monogamist since I was 16, lol. And part of me really wants that traditional family unit, both for me and for DD.

    But the other half of me is just over relationships. I don't really know if I want to deal with the drama of dating, of getting to know people and their families, of changing and compromising my habits and traditions all over again. Esp since I am a lot more cynical now about the possibility of finding someone that won't turn around one day and abandon me and my daughter. 

    I don't know. I'll probably date at some point in the future...but for now I'm just not ready or sure if I ever will be.

    image

    This is what I get when I ask for a smile now.


    image

    Baby Blog My Flickr Photo Blog
  • LOL Darth....totally agree on that point!
    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • image DarthNBJenni:
    No, I'm way too sexual of a person to be single forever. 

    My thoughts exactly. I think I could live without having someone there every.single.day, but I would have to have an excellent FWB on call at all times...Stick out tongue

    image
  • image achase123:

    image DarthNBJenni:
    No, I'm way too sexual of a person to be single forever. 

    Love the honesty!  Hmmmm, maybe this is part of my dilemma!

     

    See, this is why I'm starting to appreciate the booty call thing.  Needs get taken care of.  None of the husband/boyfriend BS!

    image
    image
  • No, I crave the companionship and intimacy (sexual and emotional) to be single forever.

     

    Psh. You already know the internal struggle I am having with this!

    Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • From reading the posts I am unsure what you mean by single.  I don't think single=no sex, but that might just be me. 

    single - not dating, hello vibrator?

    single - relationships that may or may not lead to marriage / long term commitment?

    single - unmarried but long term limited commitment?

     


  • image BostonGayGal:

    From reading the posts I am unsure what you mean by single.  I don't think single=no sex, but that might just be me. 

    single - not dating, hello vibrator?

    single - relationships that may or may not lead to marriage / long term commitment?

    single - unmarried but long term limited commitment?

     


    I guess by single I meant not in a committed relationship.  This could include casual dating, but not specifically with one person.

    I don't think single=no sex either.  After reading Darth's response it made me think that perhaps all that is missing for me is physical contact (that may or may not end in sex) every now and then.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    image

    PM me for the new blog address!
  • Like others, I am torn. I feel like I have been so burned by STBXH that I would probably prefer to stay safely single. I don't know how I could survive another divorce and custody battle. This is taking pretty much everything out of me. If being single forever meant avoiding another experience like this, I'm all about it.

    That said, I am hopeful that I can be in a place where I am the partner that I want to be to the person who would be worthy of that. Right now, I'm kind of thinking it would have to be a miracle that, at my age, I would meet someone as great as I would need him to be. I remember feeling like there were pretty slim pickings when I was in my 20's...

  • yes, I really think I could be totally ok being single forever. Though it's not the ideal situation I want for myself or for my kids it's a reality I could deal with just fine. Being on my own this past year (though I did 99% of it alone for the past nearly 4 years) has been the happiest I have been in nearly a decade. I am ok with who I am, where my life has gone, etc. I made some poor choices and am sad those choices have altered what I thought was the "dream" family for my children but I know that ex was not good for any of us. He's abuse, personaility and general hate for the world is not what I want my children to learn is an ok way to live life.

    Would I love to met someone who will be my life long partner? yes, absolutely but I'll be completely happy even if that never happens. 

    DD born 2007 & DS born 2008
  • I like to hope that the choices are a little bit better than they were back then...  when i started dating XH, I was 19 in my first year of college, and he was a high school dropout (in tech school, that he dropped out of not long after we started dating). 

    I think when I get around to it, I'll know better what I'm looking for and what I don't want.  And it'll be easier to pick out the guys who still act like they're in their 20's and weed them out!

    image
    image
  • I would prefer to stay single, at least for a long time. I am happier this way, and I don't even have an interest in having sex. The only big downside for me right now is that I would like to have more children later in life, and that would be a lot easier in a relationship.

    Life isn't fair but it's still good.

    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers

    image
  • I'm content with the idea that I might be single forever. I wasn't big on relationships in the past and can never see myself married in the future. Maybe some dating when DD is much older, but even then, I love everything being MINE. I must have missed the "sharing" lesson in kindergarten. :)
    image
    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers





  • image Angiesmommy:
    I'm content with the idea that I might be single forever. I wasn't big on relationships in the past and can never see myself married in the future. Maybe some dating when DD is much older, but even then, I love everything being MINE. I must have missed the "sharing" lesson in kindergarten. :)

    Don't worry, that lesson was totally overrated...lol

    image
  • I don't think I'd notice or care if I never had sex again.
  • I struggle everyday to be "okay" with it. It seems to be the lesser of two evils since I cannot ever see myself trusting another man to live in the house with my children.

    I hate that I feel that way and I'm working on it in therapy, but two years later I still struggle with the fear. Perhaps once my children are much older and/or have moved out. I'll probably be too old for a relationship by then. Stick out tongue

  • I'm content being single and have for awhile.  There was a brief rekindling of things with A's dad, but I would hardly call that a relationship, he lived almost 6 hours away.

    I'm not worried about the day to day things about being single.  I'm perfectly ok with doing all the house work, pay the bills, being the sole bread winner.  In this aspect I am fine being single forever.  Hell, even in being A's only parent.  I like that I don't have to compromise my parenting philosophy with anyone elses.  

     But, I do sometimes miss having someone to sleep beside.  Or having sex regularly.  Or to put my feet under when they are cold.  In that aspect, I don't want to be single anymore.  I'm really like a teenage boy and can't go FOREVER without having regular sex again.  And say what you want, but vibrators just aren't the same.

     I guess I'm torn.

  • image xcjen06:

    I would prefer to stay single, at least for a long time. I am happier this way, and I don't even have an interest in having sex. The only big downside for me right now is that I would like to have more children later in life, and that would be a lot easier in a relationship.

     

    ITA. I'm happy where my life is right now, but I don't want my LO to be an only child--I'm from a big family and I want them to have that experience too. 

  • image SuchASpectacularSpectacle:
    image xcjen06:

    I would prefer to stay single, at least for a long time. I am happier this way, and I don't even have an interest in having sex. The only big downside for me right now is that I would like to have more children later in life, and that would be a lot easier in a relationship.

     

    ITA. I'm happy where my life is right now, but I don't want my LO to be an only child--I'm from a big family and I want them to have that experience too. 

     

    Honestly I'm from a big family (10) and I hated it! I want for E to not have to share his clothes like I did with my 6 sisters (UGH!!!)

  • image peanutontheway:

    what you want, but vibrators just aren't the same.

    Yup, agree 110%!!!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    image

    PM me for the new blog address!
  • I am perfectly happy with my life just the way it is right now.  Sometimes I miss having the companionship of being in a relationship, someone to have a drink with me, go out to dinner with, watch an r rated movie with, help with household things.  I get kind of overwhelmed sometimes with the upkeep of my yard, and it would be nice to have somebody else worry about that, haha. 

    image
    image
  • No, I couldn't be single forever.  And my fwb is fun and fine for now, but not enough for me in the long-term because I need the companionship and emotional connection of a relationship.
  • One of my biggest fears is that I will be single forever.  The thought depresses me.  I crave attention and the physical & emotional connection together.  I tried the FWB thing and I cannot mentally separate feelings from sex.  I totally envy you ladies who are "getting some" or even have dates.  Of course, my self esteem regarding my weight makes me feel like no one would want me anyway. Yes, BGG...I know I shouldn't think that way, but that's the reality of the situation.  I used to be thin and cute and have high standards... now I still have the same high standards. lol.
  • image ladyaylena:
    One of my biggest fears is that I will be single forever.  The thought depresses me.  I crave attention and the physical & emotional connection together.  I tried the FWB thing and I cannot mentally separate feelings from sex.  I totally envy you ladies who are "getting some" or even have dates.  Of course, my self esteem regarding my weight makes me feel like no one would want me anyway. Yes, BGG...I know I shouldn't think that way, but that's the reality of the situation.  I used to be thin and cute and have high standards... now I still have the same high standards. lol.

    I'm glad to hear someone else say that is a fear of theirs because I often feel ashamed to admit that.  Like, because I AM single, I should be just hunky dory with it and not be scared of not finding someone.  That's a very unrealistic way of looking at things though. 

    Having high standards is a very good thing.  I think of many single mothers I know who date a lot or jump from relationship to relationship.  That is not setting a good example for their children, and it makes them appear afraid of being alone.  Plus, the men that they choose are certainly not the type I would want around P. 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    image

    PM me for the new blog address!
  • I don't mind admitting it mainly because it's one of only two things that really affects my confidence at this point.  Oh and don't get me wrong... I was TOTALLY a relationship jumper before my ex of 7.5 years but I also did not have a child.  I guess that's when I had my fun.  i was NEVER alone.  This is the longest I have ever been alone since I started dating (and yeah, I'm an old fart).  I was mortified, depressed, you name it.  Now that I'm a mom I've had time to get used to being alone. I actually enjoy not answering to anyone or living up to someone's expectations other than my own.  However, as I stated, I have physical and emotional needs that I would rather not be neglected ;)
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards