Single Parents
Could you be single forever?
Post on 12-24 got me thinking about this. Would you be happy if, for the rest of your life, you were single?
Could you be content? Would you feel like something is missing? Thoughts?
Personally, I have an internal battle going on. I want to feel fine without having someone, and most of the time I do. But I struggle with loneliness. Or, I get sad when I see families with a mommy and a daddy. It also makes me feel bad for P, like he's missing out.
So, I guess my answer is that I would be ok being single, but I would certainly prefer to not have it be as such. I would like to eventually find someone, whether that means that I get married again or not.
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Re: Could you be single forever?
I was single for 11+ years and I honestly believed I would stay that way, at least until P was old enough to be out on her own. I dated some, but came to the conclusion that I needed to spend that time focusing on myself and my child instead of the drama of dating. I was very content with our little fmily of two and do believe I would still be happy if I was still in that situation.
It's so hard to be in a relationship when you have a LO that isn't your significant others child. I love my H and new baby, but sometimes I long for the days that it was just P and I.
I think it is super important for someone to learn to be happy and content on their own, raising their LO, before they attempt another relationship.
Disclaimer: I am doped up on pain meds so I hope this made sense. If not, I get a pass today! lol
Right now I could go either way on marriage specifically, but I would be happier if I had a partner in life. One day DD is gonna grow up and I don't want to be at home alone. I am the kind of person who's happier when I'm in a relationship/dating someone. Sad, but true.
Of course if it's not destined for me to be with anyone again, then I won't have a choice but to be single forever lol. I can't force someone to be with me who doesn't want to be, and I'm not going to settle for a loser again.
ETA I also want to add that there are certain things I enjoy about being single that I will miss when I'm in a relationship, such as being independent/not having to account for anything to someone else. Every time I read the "DH vents" it makes me chuckle and makes me happy I don't have to deal with that stuff; in-laws, money sharing etc.
Not forever. But I could have been content to be for a while.
I think things tend to heppen when you LEAST expect or hope for them to. Just when you find complete contentment in being single, Mr. Perfect will waltz into your life.
Right now I'm content being single. My kids are 1 and 3 - my "reason" for doing anything right now is to help them grow up to be happy, well-adjusted people. So, for the forseeable future, I don't see myself going out of my way to find someone.
I do know that this will not always be the case - I especially do not want to be an overbearing helicopter parent when my kids are, say, 30...
I guess I'm along with everyone in saying that I do being single, but I would love to share our (E's and mine) lives with another person. I am content though because I know that THIS is the best situation for E. Me and him, happiness!
*Puppies and rainbows!!!
Love the honesty! Hmmmm, maybe this is part of my dilemma!
I feel like I'm torn 50/50 on this issue. Now, I'm only 3 months out from my separation, so that may have something to do with it. I don't know, I've always been a relationship person, happier when I am in a serious relationship. I've been a serial monogamist since I was 16, lol. And part of me really wants that traditional family unit, both for me and for DD.
But the other half of me is just over relationships. I don't really know if I want to deal with the drama of dating, of getting to know people and their families, of changing and compromising my habits and traditions all over again. Esp since I am a lot more cynical now about the possibility of finding someone that won't turn around one day and abandon me and my daughter.
I don't know. I'll probably date at some point in the future...but for now I'm just not ready or sure if I ever will be.
My thoughts exactly. I think I could live without having someone there every.single.day, but I would have to have an excellent FWB on call at all times...
See, this is why I'm starting to appreciate the booty call thing. Needs get taken care of. None of the husband/boyfriend BS!
No, I crave the companionship and intimacy (sexual and emotional) to be single forever.
Psh. You already know the internal struggle I am having with this!
From reading the posts I am unsure what you mean by single. I don't think single=no sex, but that might just be me.
single - not dating, hello vibrator?
single - relationships that may or may not lead to marriage / long term commitment?
single - unmarried but long term limited commitment?
http://oi62.tinypic.com/2w73hq9.jpg
I guess by single I meant not in a committed relationship. This could include casual dating, but not specifically with one person.
I don't think single=no sex either. After reading Darth's response it made me think that perhaps all that is missing for me is physical contact (that may or may not end in sex) every now and then.
Like others, I am torn. I feel like I have been so burned by STBXH that I would probably prefer to stay safely single. I don't know how I could survive another divorce and custody battle. This is taking pretty much everything out of me. If being single forever meant avoiding another experience like this, I'm all about it.
That said, I am hopeful that I can be in a place where I am the partner that I want to be to the person who would be worthy of that. Right now, I'm kind of thinking it would have to be a miracle that, at my age, I would meet someone as great as I would need him to be. I remember feeling like there were pretty slim pickings when I was in my 20's...
yes, I really think I could be totally ok being single forever. Though it's not the ideal situation I want for myself or for my kids it's a reality I could deal with just fine. Being on my own this past year (though I did 99% of it alone for the past nearly 4 years) has been the happiest I have been in nearly a decade. I am ok with who I am, where my life has gone, etc. I made some poor choices and am sad those choices have altered what I thought was the "dream" family for my children but I know that ex was not good for any of us. He's abuse, personaility and general hate for the world is not what I want my children to learn is an ok way to live life.
Would I love to met someone who will be my life long partner? yes, absolutely but I'll be completely happy even if that never happens.
I like to hope that the choices are a little bit better than they were back then... when i started dating XH, I was 19 in my first year of college, and he was a high school dropout (in tech school, that he dropped out of not long after we started dating).
I think when I get around to it, I'll know better what I'm looking for and what I don't want. And it'll be easier to pick out the guys who still act like they're in their 20's and weed them out!
I would prefer to stay single, at least for a long time. I am happier this way, and I don't even have an interest in having sex. The only big downside for me right now is that I would like to have more children later in life, and that would be a lot easier in a relationship.
Don't worry, that lesson was totally overrated...lol
I struggle everyday to be "okay" with it. It seems to be the lesser of two evils since I cannot ever see myself trusting another man to live in the house with my children.
I hate that I feel that way and I'm working on it in therapy, but two years later I still struggle with the fear. Perhaps once my children are much older and/or have moved out. I'll probably be too old for a relationship by then.
I'm content being single and have for awhile. There was a brief rekindling of things with A's dad, but I would hardly call that a relationship, he lived almost 6 hours away.
I'm not worried about the day to day things about being single. I'm perfectly ok with doing all the house work, pay the bills, being the sole bread winner. In this aspect I am fine being single forever. Hell, even in being A's only parent. I like that I don't have to compromise my parenting philosophy with anyone elses.
But, I do sometimes miss having someone to sleep beside. Or having sex regularly. Or to put my feet under when they are cold. In that aspect, I don't want to be single anymore. I'm really like a teenage boy and can't go FOREVER without having regular sex again. And say what you want, but vibrators just aren't the same.
I guess I'm torn.
ITA. I'm happy where my life is right now, but I don't want my LO to be an only child--I'm from a big family and I want them to have that experience too.
Honestly I'm from a big family (10) and I hated it! I want for E to not have to share his clothes like I did with my 6 sisters (UGH!!!)
Yup, agree 110%!!!
I am perfectly happy with my life just the way it is right now. Sometimes I miss having the companionship of being in a relationship, someone to have a drink with me, go out to dinner with, watch an r rated movie with, help with household things. I get kind of overwhelmed sometimes with the upkeep of my yard, and it would be nice to have somebody else worry about that, haha.
I'm glad to hear someone else say that is a fear of theirs because I often feel ashamed to admit that. Like, because I AM single, I should be just hunky dory with it and not be scared of not finding someone. That's a very unrealistic way of looking at things though.
Having high standards is a very good thing. I think of many single mothers I know who date a lot or jump from relationship to relationship. That is not setting a good example for their children, and it makes them appear afraid of being alone. Plus, the men that they choose are certainly not the type I would want around P.