proud to be selfish — The Bump
VBAC

proud to be selfish

I am going to focus on something a lot of other people say about labor.

"wanting a vbac is SELFISH". you know what? Yes it is. Just like the first time mother who wants to deliver her child through her vagina!! That is what it is there for!!! Why is it is so hard for people to understand that I want my child to come out of my body the way nature/God intended instead of ripped out of me like a piece of meat. If it is seflish of me to want my child on my chest and to feel my touch immediately after being born then i am proud to say i am selfish. If it is selfish of me to want to meet the child that has been growing inside of my body for x amount of time immediately and not 4 hours of s/he is born, than yes i want to be selfish.

If a second + mother is selfish that wants to vbac than so is the first mother who wants to avoid a c-section.

Here's to SELFISHNESS!!!!!!

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Re: proud to be selfish

  • I'm not pregnant yet but do hope to VBAC with my next one. I am definitely concerned with how my family is going to react towards my wanting a VBAC. I probably just won't tell anyone...

    Oh, yeah...don't forget to add. It's selfish for me to want to be able to care for my child on my own after he arrives. 

    DS1: 8/3/10, DD1: 8/17/13, DD2: 8/13/15
    Twins lost to due to partial molar pregnancy: September 2011 
    ~~PAL, PgAL Always Welcome~~
  • I don't think a VBAC is selfish.  There are risks for babies born by c-section, so by having a VBAC (when possible) a mom is taking steps in reducing those risks.  There are certainly many benefits to VBAC that support maternal health, but those health benefits are intertwined with baby's well being - some of the things you mentioned like being able to physically get out of bed to care for your newborn, immediate skin to skin contact, etc. 

    While I definitely support VBAC for maternal benefits (and that is one of the reasons I seek one for any future pregnancies), I think you can't overlook the fact that there is evidence that says vaginal delivery is safer for baby - and that is certainly not selfish.  So, I don't see VBAC as a selfish choice at all.  I do fully support you wanting one, though.  GL to you!

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  • I hear that it is being selfish a lot too.  I especially heard it when I was pregnant with DD, but after people saw how much healthier she was at birth then DS was (and how much healthier I was after birth) I think they realized that I did it for her just as much as for me.

    I think you can find things selfish about both VBAC and ERCS

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  • imageSazhrah:

    Why is it is so hard for people to understand that I want my child to come out of my body the way nature/God intended instead of ripped out of me like a piece of meat. 

    I wouldn't necessarily agree that having a c-section is like having your baby "ripped out like a piece of meat".  My c-section experience was pretty positive.  With that said, I am considering a VBAC, which is why I come on this board.  I'm sorry that your c-section was so negative and that people tell you that you are selfish.  :(

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  • I actually didn't have a horrible experience with my c/s. It was my choice due to the amount of pain I was in. I was referring to the rcs or no reason just because it is convenient for the doctors part. If it is for medical/emergency reasons then by all means brign on the rcs. 

    I have been told by people online and in r/l that it is selfish of me to want to have a vbac without them being a doctor, midwife or even doing any research. They don't understand that a c/s is major surgery. I have however been able to change some people's perspective on it. It was just a small rant and I hate being treated differently than any other pregnant woman simply because I had a c/s. I wasn't treated that way with any of my other pregnancies and I don't see why it should change now.

    Just a small rant and way to pump myself up :D

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  • imageSazhrah:
    If it is seflish of me to want my child on my chest and to feel my touch immediately after being born then i am proud to say i am selfish. If it is selfish of me to want to meet the child that has been growing inside of my body for x amount of time immediately and not 4 hours of s/he is born, than yes i want to be selfish.

    Yes  I don't think people get that.  Honestly, this is what I'm most hoping to avoid this time around - I don't want to be lying alone in recovery wondering what is going on with my new baby again.

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  • I think it's the opposite...In a sense I would much rather just show up, get a spinal and not a feel a thing and have the baby be there within 20 minutes than have to go through the pain of labor again.  I think of it being more selfless to attempt the vaginal way because of less risks and quicker recovery.  Know what I mean?
  • imageLiluBee:
    I think it's the opposite...In a sense I would much rather just show up, get a spinal and not a feel a thing and have the baby be there within 20 minutes than have to go through the pain of labor again.  I think of it being more selfless to attempt the vaginal way because of less risks and quicker recovery.  Know what I mean?

    It took me a couple of times to understand your post. I was about to go off on another tangent. lol. Now, I get what you mean. I agree with about it being selfless. The "selfish" part is me owning my decision no matter what people say

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  • imageLiluBee:
    I think it's the opposite...In a sense I would much rather just show up, get a spinal and not a feel a thing and have the baby be there within 20 minutes than have to go through the pain of labor again.  I think of it being more selfless to attempt the vaginal way because of less risks and quicker recovery.  Know what I mean?

    ITA. Labor with my first was so horrible, it was a real struggle for me to emotionally accept VBAC. I knew it was best for both of us, but I was very scared of going through the same thing again. When I was in labor, I had a couple moments where I asked myself why I was going through it all, but fortunately I knew how to answer my own question! 

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