New to board - PP anxiety?

8daysaweek

I have to tell this to someone and so far I haven't decided if I'm telling anyone IRL other than FI so you ladies it is.

I had a breakdown last night. It was terrifying.

Ever since I had DD (in April), I've been struggling with panic and anxiety. It's been bad but I've been coping well.

Until last night. DD woke up - totally out of character for her - to eat a bottle around 2 a.m. I fed her and then it was time to put her back to bed and I just couldn't. I couldn't make myself do it. I was terrified something bad would happen and convinced she would die in her sleep if I put her back in her crib. I woke up FI, sobbing hysterically. DD was bewildered. He took her to her crib and came back and I sobbed for what seemed like forever.

Finally I was so exhausted I fell asleep... at 4 a.m. I got up at 7 and of course DD was fine.

I took DD to the doctor this morning for her cough and while we were there I told him about it. He is putting me on a low-dose anti-depressant and treating me for postpartum anxiety/panic now, which I guess is like postpartum depression but with an emphasis on panic attacks and severe anxiety?

I am hoping I feel better in a couple weeks. I am not sure how I feel about this now. I feel a little bad or guilty for some reason for needing help, which isn't like me at all. I'm trying to remind myself that it's not a reflection of my abilities as a mom and just hoping that getting better will make me an even better mother for DD.

mrsbnlmel

I'm so glad you told someone. You will be so happy you did someday- I promise. I was so scared my doctor would think I was crazy. I would wake up with panic attacks so badly that I was afraid to go to sleep. I also had a lot of depression issues going on, but not all people deal with both. It turned out that she was super supportive and I quickly found meds that made a huge difference. A year later I'm so glad I got help when I did. I hate to think of all the things I would have missed out on if I hadn't ask for help. Good luck!