WWYD?

dc120807

My mom is insisting on hosting Christmas for 25 of my closest relatives.  She is doing this because she anticipates that we will have our baby and that way we can come.  My question is when you had your little one when was the first time you took them out of the house after they were born?  (Of course this is all dependent on if it's a natural or a C-sect delivery too)

I think my mom feels like if we are released from the hospital on the 25th we'll head straight to their house.  I'm even concerned about going to her house if he's just 2-3 days old.

What age is appropriate to bring a newborn out (especially in this weather) and expose them to all those people (family or not)?

NDwife07

a) you can't possibly predict when the baby will come or how long you'll be in the hospital

b) I think it's totally unrealistic to set a plan in stone that you'll be at any kind of holiday party with that many people with a newborn (especially a fresh-out-of-the-womb newborn!

I would tell your mom to plan the party, but that you simply can't assure her you'll be there. I don't think I would have taken Ella to a family gathering with that many people until at least a couple weeks after she was born. Then again, we weren't faced with holiday stuff  so I know that can be tricky.

Seriously, though, new babies are so prone to getting sick in the germy, dry air of winter. And this is coming from someone who is very much not a germophobe and has never been overly vigilant about exposing Ella to people.

CiaoBella07

I have to agree with Lauren, and I don't consider myself a big germaphobe; I'm more of the attitude that babies will get exposed to things and other than taking typical precautions, it's futile to get too worked up about it.

A family gathering is tough because there are so many factors outside of your control (i.e. what other people have been exposed to before stepping in the door) and you can't expect people to not want to pass the baby around.

If you decide to go, I would recommend wearing the baby in a moby or other wrap/sling/carrier because it will limit the amount of touching people will be able to do.

IU_baby

I don't think I left my house for the first few days other than to take a quick walk around the block (T was born in May).  My cousin graduated high school and we missed his open house 3 weeks after Tyson was born because I wasn't up for it.

I was exhausted when I first came home from the hospital and honestly, all I wanted to do was snuggle on the couch with my DH, new baby and my cat.

I wouldn't plan on being there unless your baby has yet to make his appearance.  Besides, I wouldn't feel comfortable having my less than a week old baby around 25 people all at once.

shauna060708

I didn't take Maya to a place with lots of people until she was almost a month old and when I did, I had her wrapped so tightly in the Moby that they could barely see her.  Mean? Maybe but I couldn't have cared less.  We let our immeadiate family come to the hospital to meet her (no more than 2 at a time) and then we holed up in our house with just the 3 of us for a full week before anyone came to visit.

There is NO WAY that I'd have gone to a family Christmas with a newborn but I am super anal and my family would have given me hell if they couldn't all pass the baby around for hours.  Aside from germy worries, I just don't think I could have handled it mentally.  It was so hard trying to figure out breastfeeding and all of the wrenches that babies throw at you, that I was in no place to be around company.

And I had a July baby so my germ worries were so much less than a December (or February for me this time) baby!

NDwife07

Just to piggyback on Laura and Shauna, aside from the germy issues, your mental health is SO important.

I had absolutely no idea that I was going to be such a mess after Ella was born. I would never have been able to handle a social gathering in the days (or even weeks) following. Had you told me that before she was born, I would have thought you were crazy.

So my point is that you really shouldn't plan anything other than to hang out at home, rest, etc. If by some miracle you are feeling up to going and the timing works out - great! But I'd still tell my family that I wouldn't be there.

caitlet425

Evan was born in early Oct and I still skipped the big family Xmas party in Dec. I did the smaller family one, with just my fam and then just DH's, but the big one...yea, no way was I going to that one. I was exhausted besides that too. Oh and we nixed Thanksgiving too. DS was 6 weeks old. I'm not a germaphobe...but even at 6 weeks I was exhausted and drained. I couldn't imagine going somewhere a few days after giving birth.

uofibabe

Clark was born 11/27/09 so we were faced with the holiday parties.   The only time we really took him out was to see the pedi and then we had people come see us.  Only trip we made around Christmas was to see family and we stayed with them for several days and it was for sure not 25 people!!!   Good luck...I know it's tough if anything if family want to see the baby you should suggest a few coming to see you and not you having to go to them.   Good luck!

eclaires

This may be the most shallow answer ever, but I think everyone else has covered germs and how you'll be feeling.

But - there is no way in hell I'd go to some kind of holiday party 2 days after having a baby.  Even though I lost pg weight quickly, my clothes didn't fit the same, I didn't feel up to doing my hair/makeup, etc. I just don't want to see anyone when I'm like that, but esp for a huge holiday party. 

MommaMcG

That's a tough one.  Claire was born in the middle of the swine flu outbreak, so we didn't take her anywhere for weeks.  I was even nervous about taking her to my aunt's christmas eve party when she was 2 months, but it was fine.  I'd be inclined to stay home and enjoy the holiday as a new family.  If people want to come see you, then that's great.  But I wouldn't expect you to come to a party.

NDwife07

eclaires:

This may be the most shallow answer ever, but I think everyone else has covered germs and how you'll be feeling.

But - there is no way in hell I'd go to some kind of holiday party 2 days after having a baby.  Even though I lost pg weight quickly, my clothes didn't fit the same, I didn't feel up to doing my hair/makeup, etc. I just don't want to see anyone when I'm like that, but esp for a huge holiday party. 

Honestly, I don't think that's shallow at all...maybe because I think the appearance issues are a part of a new mama's emotional health too.

It's bad enough I have pictures of my gigantic puffy face from the hospital...no way I would have wanted people to see that in person (other than immediate fam).

eclaires

NDwife07:

eclaires:

This may be the most shallow answer ever, but I think everyone else has covered germs and how you'll be feeling.

But - there is no way in hell I'd go to some kind of holiday party 2 days after having a baby.  Even though I lost pg weight quickly, my clothes didn't fit the same, I didn't feel up to doing my hair/makeup, etc. I just don't want to see anyone when I'm like that, but esp for a huge holiday party. 

Honestly, I don't think that's shallow at all...maybe because I think the appearance issues are a part of a new mama's emotional health too.

It's bad enough I have pictures of my gigantic puffy face from the hospital...no way I would have wanted people to see that in person (other than immediate fam).

Right!  Plus, I feel like there's a time and place for yoga pants and comfy clothes and I would feel really uncomfortable wearing that to my family's holiday party but would have no problem having people at my house visiting the baby if I was dressed like that.  I'd just feel all around uncomfortable.

I mean, hell, I had a baby almost 3 months ago and I'm still sort of freaking about what to wear for our holiday stuff that is coming up because even though I've lost most of the pg weight - my clothes do not fit the same.  So it's a struggle finding something I feel good in for a dressier event.

lemen99

Wow you know, besides the germs, if you're home, you're probably going to be exhausted and/or not feeling too awesome. I wouldn't probably want to go, besides the germ factor.  I am more cautious of germs than others, but a 2 day old baby getting RSV is really serious. (If you do go, the carrier idea is a good one.)

I would tell my family not to count on me, and if the stars align, I might show up  

 

mcwifey

It is possible if you really want to go!  When my first DD was born, on Christmas Eve 2 years ago, we were released from the hospital around dinnertime on Christmas Day.  We went straight to Dh's grandparent's house for dinner with all the immediate family and Dh's cousin's family.  We didn't stay for too long and we definitely took it easy there, but we were able to go.  It's really whatever you feel like doing and what you're comfortable with.  We just felt like we were already out since we were on our way home so it wasn't a big deal for us to stop there and celebrate christmas with the family.

dc120807

My opinions, thoughts, and concerns all resonate with everything you all expressed.  I just don't think my mom gets it.  I just wanted some reassurance that I wasn't being out of line.  Now I have to figure out how I can tell my mom "nicely" that she is setting some very unrealistic goals of how the holidays will be...

fruitcakes

dc120807:

My opinions, thoughts, and concerns all resonate with everything you all expressed.  I just don't think my mom gets it.  I just wanted some reassurance that I wasn't being out of line.  Now I have to figure out how I can tell my mom "nicely" that she is setting some very unrealistic goals of how the holidays will be...

ITA with PPs....there is NO way that I would have felt up to a 25 person Christmas party.  I'm sure your mom is anxious to show off her new grandbaby, but she has to understand your feelings too!

blondbomber23

We were discharged early (had a 23 hour labor, followed by being discharged within 32 hours of having DD) and I felt great the day we went home. We actually had people over that night for some drinks and hanging out around the firepit (though I didn't drink or sit outside, lol). I did feel pretty gross but I figured that people understood, considering I had just had a baby the day before! That said, we had already passed her around at the hospital (had a ton of visitors) and only had around 6 people over....so I wasn't too nervous about too many people holding her. Also, it was at our house and I felt comfortable going into our bedroom to breastfeed her.
I think I was still having the adrenaline rush that you get after having a baby because I spent the next week+ exhausted (and taking care of a baby that wouldn't sleep).

You have no idea how you'll feel immediately after delivery. I don't think I could have handled an entire house full of people, regardless of where it was.  I wouldn't be a fan of having her around others in the middle of winter either.

(FWIW, I consider myself a "medium" on the germaphobe factor. I use a cart cover, high chair cover, and take a shower immediately after work (in the ER), but I don't worry too much about her crawling or touching other stuff and then putting her hands in her mouth.)

 I think you should just tell your mom that you have no idea how you'll be feeling and that you really aren't sure if you'll attend. If you do attend, I would only stay for a short time and then eithe wear the baby or keep LO in the infant seat most of the time.

IndyPRGirl

Honestly, if it were me, I would tell mom to not count on it, but I would try.  People will understand that it's a brand new baby and when you say, no you can't hold the baby, if they don't like it, so be it.  IMO, the holidays are about family and as long as mom and baby are healthy, I would go and just take it easy (as long as YOU feel up to it)...even if you go just for a short while.  Let your mom explain to everyone that if you do show up, very few, if anyone will get to hold the baby.  Family will understand.  Or at least they should ;-)