Open letters — The Bump
Indiana Babies

Open letters

Dear Augmentin,

In just 18 hours, you have changed my life. I can now open my mouth wide enough for a spoon of oatmeal. I can yawn without feeling excruciating pain. I can swallow! I can sleep! I can talk without sounding completely incoherent!

Even though you are the size of my thumb, I will gladly keep poppin' you for the next nine days if you keep making me feel this normal.

All my love,
Lauren

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Re: Open letters

  • Dear ENT,

    Please, please please fit in my son. 

    Dear Rocephin, 

    Please, please please work.  You're our last hope.

    Dear nurses,

    Please fax the records ASAP so the ENT can review them.  They are only open today and Wed. 

    Dear God,

    Please catch Andrew a break. Thanks. 

    Dear Cerclage, 

    Keep holding strong.

     

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  • Dear MIL,

    Please don't ruin my normall laid back and enjoyable Thanksgiving.  I'm apprehensive about having everyone in one place this year and I'm hoping there isn't any passive aggressive behavior or tension.  Thanks!

    Dear AMA,

    Thanks for the trip down memory lane with NKOTB last night.  Joey is still dreamy!

    Dear laundry,

    Please kindly take care of the piles in my closet and then fold yourself and put yourself away.  It would be a BIG help!

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  • Dear Relatives,

    Please stop scheduling every family function during Isabella's nap time.  I know you don't think she needs a schedule, but you didn't have to deal with her last night after we had to wake her from her nap early to leave the house.

    Sincerely,  

    Frustrated Mama

    Dear Augmentin,

    Please work wonders for my child as you did for Lauren.  I do not have another run-in with your buddy Omnicef.  

    P.S.  Take it easy on me with the diapers, ok?

    Yours Truly,

    Mama of a sick baby

    Dear House,

    Please clean yourself so I can enjoy the extra time with my girl this week.  

    Love, 

    Your tired owner

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Dear Husband,

    I understand you painted almost our entire house this week end. I appreciate that. However, don't expect me to be grateful when it came at the cost of sleep, a cranky baby, and neglecting your wife and driving me bonkers.

    Love,
    your loving but frustrated wife

    Dear DS,

    Mommy is so sorry that your tummy hurts and your little bottom is as red as a fire truck. I hate that your little lip is the size of a golfball as well, but this does not mean that you get to sleep on mommy and drink water for 45 minutes before bed.

    Love,
    Your bleary eyed mommy

    Dear MIL:

    I know you want to eat at 2 pm because you want to wait on SIL & BIL to get there. But they live 35 minutes away. We live 3 HOURS AWAY. If we can be there by noon, SO CAN THEY. I am not keeping my child awake and missing his nap, just so you can have him at the dinner table in order to cater to person(s) who are too picky for their own good.

    Love,
    your not-budging-on-this-one DIL

     Dear BIL:

    So help me God if you whine/complain about the food. You're not cooking it, You're not paying for it, and it is Thanksgiving. BE THANKFUL and eat it.

    Not so lovingly,
    your SIL.

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  • Dear leaves,

    Please quit falling or at least bag yourself. I love having big gorgeous trees but this leaf raking/blowing/bagging gets a little old.

    Homeowner 

  • Dear Husband-

    I truly appreciate all of the hardwork you have done on the crown molding project in our home.  However, I need you to speed it up a bit.  We leave town in 3 days and I cannot leave and come home to an absolute disaster.  I've already been living in it for 3 weeks as it is.

    Thank you,

    Your appreciative, but slowly losing patience, Wife

     

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  • Dear Husband:

    I was understanding when you said you wanted to try out for the specialized team at your work, even though I wasn't too happy about the added stress/danger it would add to our lives.  HOWEVER, I was told it would be a once every three months thing, NOT a biweekly OOT assignment with alternate biweekly OOT trainings.  I feel like I am the victim of a bait and switch, and I'm not happy about being a single mom all the time.

    Dear KY:

    Please get yourself closer to FW, IN, please.  I am exhausted from the driving back and forth.

    Dear free photo book that expires tonight:

    Please design yourself.  I cannot seem to find time and you're stressing me out.

    Dear Mom,

    You are nuts if you think that my two babies and I are going to join you on your visit to see my sister, who lives in a one bedroom 600 sq foot apartment with one air mattress in the living room for our accommodations.  

    Dear Husband:

    If you continue to be crabby because these OOT assignments leave you with too little sleep, I might have to maim you.  PUH-LEEZ.  You are in a hotel room with no babies/dog to feed/comfort/let out during the night.  If you don't sleep 8 straight or more, it's your own fault.  

    Dear SsIL/BsIL:  

    Please limit your passive aggression this holiday.  It gets old.

    Dear LO1:

    I apologize in advance for dragging you around God's country all week. I know it will mess up your naps, your nights, and your regularity.  I will make it up to you by putting jingle bells on all your shoes when we get home.  I will also sing Christmas songs as much as you want.  Hang in there, little man.  It's gonna get rough but it will get better.

    Dear LO2:

    Thank you for being the best and easiest baby ever.  You are a true gift for your momma.  I heart you so much!

    Love, me

  • Dear sickness,

    Please go away so I can be a fun momma again.  Spending the whole day yesterday on the couch while my little birthday boy wanted me to play with his brand new toys broke my heart.  Though, if this sickness needs me to take another day off work to spend in bed by myself, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.  At least I'm not puking. 

    Karla

     

  • Dear Elizabeth,

    Please feel better soon. You have been sick for two weeks.  10 days of Amoxil 3 days of feeling better and now back to being sick again is not fun for me or you.

    Mama knows that you have a hard time sleeping when your nose will not stop running but Mama has a hard time staying awake all night.

    Love,

    Mama

     

    Dear Gym,

    I have missed you and hopefully can get back on schedule with working out again very soon.

    Dear Body,

    Please shed these unwanted pounds before Thanksgiving. Yes I realize that is only 3 days away but I really hate you and I really do not want you hanging around.

     

  • Dear students,

    Please clean up after yourself if you make a mess.  If you borrow my high lighter, please return it instead of leaving it on the piano.  If you borrow an instrument, don't leave it on the floor and the bow on the stand after class--give it back to me.  I am not your mom, and it is not my job to pick up after you all.  Granted, I know this is an expensive private school so you are probably used to being waited on at home, but still.  I don't get paid enough.  And if you leave your instrument on the floor again, I will hide it--again.  

    Your frustrated servant, I mean teacher.

     

  • Dear indecisive MIL and FIL,

    Please do not think that DH and I going to change our Thanksgiving plans of sitting at home relaxing and having our OWN meal just because you decided lastnight that your week long vacation is now going to only be an overnighter. You upset me in the begining b/c for months you said you could not wait to take DD overnight so that I could go shopping the day after Thanksgiving and then told us that you were taking a vacation and couldn't.  Not to mention EVERY time so say you are going to take her overnight, you cancel on us. Therefore, if you want to join us for Thanksgiving dinner that is fine...we are eating at 6pm! OH, and bring some wine, b/c I'm sure all of ours will be gone by the time you arrive.

    Love, Your im-getting-sick-of-this-crap, DIL

     

    Dear Girls Night out,

    Get here  FAST!

    Love, lover of all girls night outs!

    ~Micah and Danae 6-17-06~
    image
    ~GRACIE JEAN 7-5-08~

    Pregnancy Ticker
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  • Dear ILs:
    Stop trying to trick us into calling during the weekly/monthly/holiday family get togethers. At this time, we do not want to speak to everyone in the family. We know you don't understand it. And shock of all shocks, it's not your DILs fault.

    Just stop already. 

    Your annoyed and pissed off DIL

    Dear NKOTBSB:
    I'm really psyched about the June concert and the girl's weekend planned. If last night was any indication, you WILL NOT disappoint.

    Still a fan and not ashamed to admit it,
    Me

    Dear Eli,
    Please sleep. I know you're tired. Mommy's tired. I blame myself. A lot.

    Love you,
    Your tired mommy

  •  Dear SIL,

     REALLY??????  You have the nerve to have your DH text me and ask what was said about you after you left our home because your 2nd grade daughter said we were talking about you????  Ummm...if asking her about what she was doing about Thanksgiving then I guess I'm guilty???  Can we say ....get a life - I was cleaning up and taking care of DS after having an AWESOME bday party....didnt have time to talk about you or care to talk about you!

    Sick kids,

    Get well and stop passing it around!!! 

    Work,

    I'm over it and ready for my week vacation...if I can make it that long with out getting sick myself and going off on too many people!!

  • Dear boobs,

    I am happy with you supply production this time. You have already given Nora over 100ozs of frozen milk in her stash.  Please continue to produce at this level and increase as needed.  Thank you.

    Nursing Mom who refuses to fail this time

    Dear Evie's Canine teeth,

    Please hurry up, the drool, constant whining and disrupted sleep are really starting to wear on me.

    Tired Mama

    Dear Work,

    Shove it, I'm on maternity leave.  Figure it out on your own and don't mess up my projects!

    Love,

    Me.

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  • Dear Work,

    Please slow down. I'm very tired of work 6a-6pm when I'm not in the medical field and then thinking about it all night and not sleeping.

    Sincerely,

    Over worked employee

    Dear DH,

    I do not want to have sex so please keep your boner off me.

    Love,

    Not in the mood wife

    Dear Party Planners of the World,

    How do you plan parties on top of a regular job? I already feel like a bad party planner and her birthday hasnt even happened yet.

    Regards,

    FT Mother, employee, wife, housekeeper, etc.

    Dear 60 degree weather,

    Please stay here.

    Love, ME

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker BabyFruit Ticker
  • Dear Olivia's daycare:

    Please make sure you give Olivia extra TLC today.  Her shots did not go well this morning and I had a really hard time leaving her with you for a stupid meeting that's completely pointless for my position.

    Thanks much,

    The working mama

    --------------

    Dear DH,

    Booking a hotel room for just the 2 of us the night before Thanksgiving?  Genius.

    I <3 you more and more everyday.  

  • Dear student,

     While I realize that you received your polyatomic ion sheet on Tuesday instead of the previous Friday, you've had almost a week to memorize them before your quiz.  You don't get extra time--it's only 17 names!

    Signed,

    annoyed teacher

    Dear nose,

     Please stop running--I don't want to be sick on my wedding day!

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  • Dear uterus,

    Get in gear.

    Kthxbye,

    me

     

    Dear MIL,

    I know you love your granddaughter dearly. But please stop asking her if she wants a baby brother or sister and gushing about how fun that would be EVERY TIME YOU TALK TO HER. Trust me, we're on it.

    Love,

    the mother of your little princess

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