Poll - do you discuss your VBAC with friends? — The Bump
VBAC

Poll - do you discuss your VBAC with friends?

Curious.  I've discussed it with 4 friends.  That's it - haven't even discussed it with any family members.  I just don't want to hear anything negative, and don't want the added pressure from people who might be doubtful or for whatever reason, judgmental.  I have talked about it a bit with people who I know through prenatal yoga, etc, but I know that they'll either be supportive or keep their mouths closed.

How about you?  Shared much about your VBAC with IRL friends and relatives?

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Re: Poll - do you discuss your VBAC with friends?

  • This obviously doesn't apply to me yet, but I have discussed my intentions with a few friends.

    My friends who have had vaginal deliveries say that I'm crazy and I'm not missing anything (I feel like I'm missing SO much) and question why I want to go through "all that" again if I don't have to.

    My friends who have had c-sections say they would never attempt a VBAC and they're usually the ones who start talking about all the risks and again question why I want to VBAC.

    I get the "it'll be so much easier to plan the baby's birth date since you already have JD and what are you going to do if you go into labor in the middle of the night?" from both groups.

    That's why I'm so glad this board exists so that I can get support from those similarly minded when the time comes!

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  • Although I'm quite aways off from my hopeful VBAC (not pregnant nor will I be for at least 6 more months so that the births are 18 months apart), I totally lurk on this board.

    I've mentioned it to my husband and spoken to a few friends about it. One of my friends had an accidental VBAC after to c/s's. One of my other friends who went through a hellish labor before literally begging for a c/s thinks I'm crazy for wanting to go through it. I just don't know if I can go through another c/s...

    DS1: 8/3/10, DD1: 8/17/13, DD2: 8/13/15
    Twins lost to due to partial molar pregnancy: September 2011 
    ~~PAL, PgAL Always Welcome~~
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  • I discuss it with anyone I think will be supportive or at least not say anything negative.  For example my dad's girlfriend who says I'm crazy not to want to schedule a c/s--obviously I'm not calling her up to chat about my med-free birth plans.  Same with the friend who told me I don't have child-bearing hips.

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    Big sister {September 2008} Sweet boy {April 2011} Fuzzy Bundle {ETA July 2014}

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  • imageiris427:
    Same with the friend who told me I don't have child-bearing hips.

     I hate that comment....

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  • I don't really get into depth with my VBAC discussions w. family or friends.  However, I usually word it like "I'm trying to avoid another surgery" and people just agree.
    DS born via c/s 11/08 and med-free GD VBAC DD 3/11! Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I didn't discuss the details of why I wanted a VBAC but when people asked if I was having another c-section I would say no and that I hoped for a regular birth this time.  90% of people would respond with "You can do that?!"  I would say yes and tell them it's a very safe option and better for me and the baby and that is where I would end it.

    With close friends and family I did tell them why it was important emotionally for me to do this.  If they had doubts or concerns they didn't share them.  The only one who argued with me about it was DH but that changed half way through the pregnancy after he watched The business of being born with me.

  • I told people who asked and informed my family who were expecting me to do a repeat c.  But I have several friends who were supportive.  No one told me anything negative about it when they heard I was trying for a VBAC.  I could tell by the silence that some people were thinking it, though:-)  And everyone was happy with the successful VBAC and safe birth, of course.
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  • I've discussed my upcoming VBAC with both family and friends.  It has been such a wonderful bonding experience and has created an amazing support system (which IMO is crucial for VBAC mommas).  I also regularly talk about VBAC with my local ICAN group. 

    I will say that at first my mom was hesitant to understand or be supportive (she was an L&D nurse for over 15 years, so very medically inclined).  Negative.unsupportive comments were sometimes hurtful, but I also had to remind myself that not everyone had to share my beliefs about this.  Some people just prefer repeat c/s (to each their own).  Take the good with the bad, but focus on the good. 

    But my mom has really come to support my wishes for a VBAC during this pregnancy after she did her own research.  It feels great to have so many people cheering me on! 

    ~Sweet Girl *8/18/08* c-section ~ Sweet Boy *12/2/10* VBAC ~ Sweet Boy *8/14/12* VBAC~ 

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    VBAC Birth Story    2VBAC Birth Story  


  • I talk about it to anyone who asks, or mentions anything about it. It has been well accepted, and I also use a nonchalant tone of voice like, "Oh yeah, I'll have her vaginally. There is no reason my doctor and I can come up with to justify another C-section." Like, oh, no biggie.

    I have had some hesitation from my mom, who like the PP was an L&D nurse from the "old" days when this did not happen much. Not to mention she works in risk management these days, so she sees and hears the worst case scenarios. Her hesitation is obvious to me, though she claims to be supportive. I haven't gotten all into it with her yet, but I want her there, and she wants to be there, and I will start talking to her about it more as we get closer. I really need 100% support from everyone in the room, and I will sense her nervousness. So I need her to be 100% or she's not coming in there! So she will come around.

    Anyhow, I like informing people. A lot of people are clueless that it is an option, or of the actual "normalcy" of VBAC. 

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  • I discuss it with anyone that the topic of my birth comes up with.  I've never received any negative comments about it.  Several people have mentioned that they thought "once a CS, always a CS" but ended up at least saying that it's "great" that VBAC is an option.  I guess I just don't understand why people want to think we're crazy for wanting to avoid major surgery.
  • Now that I've had a VBAC, I'm much more likely to tell people, but before and while I was pg, I only brought it up if it came up (much like how I roll with my birth politics). 

    I mainly discussed it with DH and one of my sisters who was pg the same time I was and who was planning (and achieved!) a VBAC also. My parents are very supportive, but one of my other sisters had two repeat c-sections after her initial unplanned one, and can be very defensive about birth politics and her c-sections. She never outright questioned us, but there would be "don't be disappointed if it doesn't happen", which was really something I didn't need to hear while pg.

    With my friends, well, none of them have kids yet, so most of them don't care about birth politics! One or two of them knew how important having a VBAC was to me, though, so I could talk to them about it pretty openly.

    DS1 - Feb 2008

    DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)

  • imagepapagena:

    imageiris427:
    Same with the friend who told me I don't have child-bearing hips.

     I hate that comment....

    Yeah I'm still pissed about it LOL

    image

    Big sister {September 2008} Sweet boy {April 2011} Fuzzy Bundle {ETA July 2014}

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  • I'm still in the process of deciding if vbac ia right for me (not even pg yet so I have time). I have talked about it with a few people (mostly my mother and mil). I was pleasantly shocked how supportive they have been. I was expecting resistance an instead got approval. People constantly surprise me : ) For me the major plus is how I will be better able to care for my toddler after a vaginal birth. This reason seems to make sense to most people.
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  • imageiris427:
    imagepapagena:

    imageiris427:
    Same with the friend who told me I don't have child-bearing hips.

     I hate that comment....

    Yeah I'm still pissed about it LOL

    I always reply "oh I didn't realize that you could tell what hips look like from the outside? What SHOULD they look like?" in a really earnest interested way. It mostly stumps people.
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  • imageiris427:

     Same with the friend who told me I don't have child-bearing hips.

    What one earth does that mean? The only non-child bearing hips are ones that have a penis between them. And now thanks to modern medicine ...

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  • Before I was even out of recovery DH knew I was planning a VBAC- so did my OB for that matter. I think I have told my mom and some other close family, but a lot of them don't get it. My mom thinks it would be "so nice" to be able to plan the next baby's birth.

    The comment I hate the most is "At least the baby is here and healthy". It always make me think of people who say "They're in a better place" when someone dies. Well yeah, I believe both are true but neither make me feel better. 

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  • I talk to my mom about it tons. She had me in a birthing center with a midwife so she is really supportive of us choosing a midwife and wanting a homebirth. I have a friend who is pg right now, and I have mentioned it to her, and she is not at all supportive. I don't talk to her about it anymore. She is terrified of birth and when I told her that labor isn't the worst thing ever, she told me she didn't want the advice of someone who didn't even give birth, and that I was so drugged during my labor that I can't remember it. I cried when I went home and we haven't talked since. FTR, I had 17 hours of natural labor. Sure I never pushed her out, but I think my experience counts. Sorry to get off on that tangent. 
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    M/C Dec 2010 - 5w5d Missing my sweet angel baby.
  • When I was pg with DD, H and I sort of when back and forth about whether we would tell people we were having a VBAC.  In the end we decided that we would, if they asked but we wouldn't go out of our way to tell people.  After DD was born, I started talking to anyone and everyone about VBAC.  I think so many people are misinformed about VBAC and the only way to change that is to tell them about the options.

    With this pregnancy, people expect that we will have another VBAC, so that isn't really an issue and I talk to anyone about it.

    I also told people (with both pregnancies) that I will discuss VBAC with you, but I will not entertain your ideas that it is so dangerous or I am taking some huge risk or whatever else negative.  So basically, if you want to be informed, I will help you, but I am not going to spend my time trying to convince you that this is the best option for us.  I finally told my family that if they didn't have anything postive to say about our plans I didn't want to hear anything at all about our birth.

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  • I am very very passionate about having a vbac. I have had vaginal births and a c-section. I will anything and everything i can to never ever go through another c-section again. So i talk to anyone who asks. not many are supportive due to the old school way of thinking, or because they can't understand why i would want to go through labor again. I liken it to having your tonsils removed and when you get a sore throat they just cut you open again just in case there is a serious problem without even looking at you. then they seem to get it.

    Yes, i am happy that my child is healthy and happy. I am still disappointed and saddened and quite traumatised over her c/s. No, I don't want to plan the day my child born. I want it to be natural. Is that really such a bad thing?

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  • I only bring it up if people ask if I am planning a repeat C or about my plans for this one.  Many times I get, I didn't know you could do that and mostly support for trying a VBAC.  I don't know if I have had any negative comments, then again out of my friends I am the only one who has had a C-section.
  • I have discussed my hopeful VBAC with a lot of people really. The biggest problem is most people are ignorant to it. Almost all of the older ladies I have talked to had no idea you could have a vaginal birth after a c/s. I just explain to them that is is possible and a better option for a lot of moms. It is def the best option for me. I tend to do things that people question though. I wanted to have my first with no drugs.I was told the entire time I was pregnant how terrible labor is and how I would be begging for drugs. Well I never did,I had my son with the help of pitocin only. The fact that people were tellilng me I wouldn't be able to handle it only made me stronger. Thats kind of how I look at the VBAC, according to the docs I am a pretty good canidate for VBAC. 

    I did talk with DH about it in detail about the risks and things that "could" happen just bc I want him to understand it completely (this is his first baby, my third). As long as I have his total support I will be ok.

  • If people ask, I'll tell them. I don't offer up the information unless people ask though. I talk to my mom and several friends (and husband, obviously) quite frequently. 
  • While I don't bring it up specifically to point it out (I'd find it weird to always bring up a VAGINAL delivery), I am completely open about it with anyone and everyone I'm talking to.  If I'm not, then I feel I'm perperuating the myth that if you have a c-s you must have a repeat c-s.  I think there is so much BS out there that women don't know what their choices are, so I consider myself an advocate for knowledge and choice.  I'm amazed at how many women and men that don't know there is a choice for a VBAC.
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