Said no to a situation for the first time today...

Alicia_22

And I feel terrible & heart broken! Is this normal? Ugh! Part of it might be because I was leaning more towards yes & DH was leaning towards no so we had to say no but it really stinks! I don't understand why I feel so bad because it wasn't like she had already chosen us! We were just saying if we wanted to be shown or not. Geez.. I'm tired of this emotional roller coaster! I want to get off and get on a kiddie ride or something!

silliestbunny

Saying no is really tough. I don't have any words of wisdom... I can't say it gets easier... wish I could be more helpful.  Just know there's others like you doing the same thing and having the same icky struggles. 

wille2b

I'm sorry your feeling bad. Its a sucky ride!! And I pray evryday I see your FB that you get your baby soon!!! Hng in there

wille2b

I'm sorry your feeling bad. Its a sucky ride!! And I pray evryday I see your FB that you get your baby soon!!! Hang in there

Dr.Loretta

We had to say no to a situation about 2 weeks before we were matched with DD, and we felt terrible. Like you, it was just a matter of deciding if we wanted to be shown, and we decided no. When I called the SW, I told her how bad we felt saying no. She reassured me that it was OK, and we had to do what we were comfortable with. That really helped hearing it from her.

slaintexas

I completely know how you feel.  We said no to two situations before adopting DD.  We are currently waiting for #2 and we have turned down two situations already.  It is so hard to say no!  As a potential adoptive parent, you have waited so long for a baby, you are brought close to that dream coming true by asking to be shown and then you wonder why in the world you would say no. Even if it is hard to see now, there is a reason you declined to be shown. I know this doesn't help at all right now, but once YOUR child is in your arms, it will all make sense.  Hang in there!

starbuck71

We said no to two situations because of health reasons and it was heartbreaking.  When you want something SO bad, it makes it really hard to be reasonable.  Another one will come around, though, and it's best to both feel good about moving forward.......at least that's what I keep telling myself.

Good luck!

Alicia_22

Thanks everyone!!!! I can't wait until we finally get the call about our baby!!! I know that once we have our baby home, everything we have been through will be worth it. 

so1966

It is heartbreaking. I have had to say no to being presented, also. You have to do what you and your dh are most comfortable with.  Here's to hoping both us us will be matched with the baby that is meant for us. Hang in there...We're all in this ride together!...

CaptainSerious

In our situation, we were actively reading children's files and trying to find one that matched us.  It was awful.  I'm sure many here remember some of my posts, agonizing over which files we should get, which children we should consider, and how we could chose between them.

What really helped us was this:  after we decided not to request to parent one particular little girl we were seriously considering, we were really  feeling awful, because we couldn't imagine anyone adopting her, knowing the extent of her RAD.  The doctor who reviewed the file with us assured us that there were families experienced with these types of disorders, who were actively seeking to bring children with RAD into their families.  We found it hard to believe, but soon after, that little girl was adopted.  At that point, we decided that we couldn't make our decisions based on fear that we were passing up on someone meant for us or that the children we didn't adopt wouldn't find a family.  We simply had to make the best choice for us, which would in turn, be the best thing for the child we adopted.

I hope this makes sense.  Just know that you have to be true to yourselves, and there's no shame in sticking with the parameters you are comfortable with.  In fact, it's the responsible thing to do.