Scared in the Army

theshortone8706

I know we are supposed to be big bad soldiers but sometimes I am so scared to raise a child in the military. My husband and I are both in the Army. I do not plan on staying in (I have 2 years left on my contract) but he does. Any advice from military moms to help me be a little bit more soldierly in my role as a spouse, mother and soldier?

Temp984666312503071

We're not dual military but as a spouse, I think the best way to stay sane is to not get too far ahead of yourself.

Take things one day at a time.  One TDY one PCS one deployment.  Things change so much in the military and to stress over the "bazillion deployments and moves" that will happen is really fruitless since it will probably change 15 times before it actually happens.  I try to focus on what is going on NOW and make the best decisions for our family.  It saves me from growing gray hair over things that might not even happen in the first place .

For example, right now we are due any day with baby 2 (who is only 16 months younger than #1), PCSing in February (but of course have no orders), have to get our house rented, have to move (to a place we haven't chosen yet do to lack of orders), and then my DH is scheduled to be dumped into a grueling work-up cycle with a deployment late spring.  For most that would be mind numbing.  But for now I have adopted a zen attitude.  This baby needs to be born first and I am focusing on that and the joy of that becuase it is a wonderful time for us.  I refuse to let the other stuff make me miss the joy in the first few weeks of my son's life. 

Ilumine

I focus on the amazing positives our kids have as military dependents. 

Outside of the red tape, military health care is one of THE MOST inclusive health care programs in the country.  Not to mention the cheapest, even into retirement.

We get to travel all over the country and world. Even just going to different parts of the country open our kids up to different cultural experiences (anyone been to both Upstate NY and Texas can attest to that).  A little imagination and time spent and you can make any duty station a fun learning experience.

And if you get an overseas assignment!  We love being here in Germany.  My DD will be going to a German kindergarten, just the two of us have been to 4 different countrys for day trips, and our family has been to a number of countries.  Even at 2, she will have a baseline of travel and experiences that most american kids on to adulthood will never have.

While some kids do not do well with change (nature vs nuture non withstanding), it makes most kids more independent and proactive in life. And again, just a little help from mom and dad can help even the shyest kid learn how to adapt.

There is a sense of family/community within the military that most communities do not have.  As a mom, I know that most of the other mom's not only have the same experiences as I do, allowing for a better bond, but there are more 'helping hands' available.   I know that I can find someone, even just an aquaintence who will be eager to help me if needed.  I cannot say that of most communities back in the states. 

I am very thankful to have grown up in the military community, both active and reserve component and then marry into it. 

proudarmywife08

I agree with the PPs. I never look to the future in the Army, it changes daily. I deal with the here and now and it keeps my family happy and things running smoothly without me losing my mind.

I also think its really neat that both of my kids were born in different states and my daughter has already experienced living in three different place in her short life. I hope this will allow my kids to develop independence and become more adaptable to life's changes. 

I love the community aspect of Army life. Anywhere I go, I can easily make friends, easily find a babysitter and I never have to worry about having a place to live no matter how bad the economy gets. There are so many benefits to being an Army family. I was apprehensive about being a career Army wife when DH decided he wanted to make this his career but I've embraced it and am so proud of his decision. 

We're hoping his next PCS will be overseas. I want my kids to have experiences that I never had. We took our kids to Hawaii last month and my daughter now knows all her colors in Hawaiian. If she can pick that up in a week, I can only imagine what she can pick up if we get stationed overseas. 

armylove11

I know how you feel. My husband and I are duel Military as well and I am currently 15 weeks pregnant with our first child. We both just returned home from a deployment to Iraq (my first, his like 6th or 7th) My contract is up in Sept '11 and right now I plan on getting out. I dont know how Female Soldiers have their child then go straight into a deployment. I give them props, however I want to be a mother. I have a huge feeling I am going to miss the Army when I get out. but I am going back to school and if I miss it too much, I will just come back in as an Officer (wahaha)

 When it comes to fullfilling so many roles, just take them one at a time. Remember, the Army is always first (so they think) Make sure you have a FCP in line and someone to help out when the child is sick. If not, work something out with your COC and your husband COC and take turns when the child is sick.

I sometimes get upset with my husband because i will want to do lunch, we will plan to met, set the time and where we are going, then 10 mins before that time, he calls and says he cant go because of something his 1SG dropped stuff and now his has to have it completed before the end of lunch. One thing I have come to realize is that whatever your rank, your higher ups out rank you and your Soldiers are always first. but always communiticate with your husband. have a venting session after work for a bit then drop all work and concentrate on one another and your child.

Getting out gives you an advantage over other military wives (in my opinion) If your husband calls from work and says they are on lock down, or last minute crap comes up, you can relate, because you have been there and done that. So it is a little easier to no get upset.

 I dont know if this helps or anything but these are some things that I have encountered and ways i have handled it or looked out the situation.

Green*Flamingo

I can't help much. We are dual military, but once I saw the heartbeat on the ultrasound I dropped my resignation packet. I will be out after con leave, outprocessing (2 weeks), then my terminal leave. Basically, once baby is born, I don't go back to work except to outprocess.

Do you have a good family care plan? We don't- I don't have anyone at all that could take my child while I deployed or had extended training. I didn't ask to leave on the pregnancy chapter, but in reality that is what is going on.

 

trudyanndac

My fianc?e and I are both in the Army. I know were you are coming from. I am scared as well, but unlike PP I opted to stay in the Army. I know I still have time to change my mind but I love being in the military (right now I can't see myself not being in uniform) and so does my SO. Instead of thinking about the draw back I think about how this will benefit my child in the long run. 

My biggest fear is that I will be deployed and my LO will forget about me. I know I will be OK being away from my family and LO because I've done it many times before, but leaving my child will be significantly harder I'm sure. I just know that it's in the best interest for my family.