Wedding at 36 weeks?

MrsAMR

A friend of mine is getting married in December. I'll be 36 weeks exactly. The wedding is in NYC (where we live) so the only travel is a 10 minute taxi ride.

As of now (almost 29 weeks) I show no signs of going early. I know that can change quickly though.

I need to respond in the next week. I really want to go but if I say yes and then can't go they would lose out on a lot of money.

What would you do?

MADforever2009

thats a tough call.  I would first ask your doc's opinion.  Would your friend be upset if you forewarned her that you are wanting to try to go but you may have to back out and maybe someone can give her the call if you dont show and she can fill your seat?  I personally cant imagine my body allowing me to go.  How has the pregnancy been on your body?  Do you feel your like youre slowing down?

I'm IN a wedding next week.and it's gonna be a little tough but the only way i missing it is if these babies decide to come...

GL on your decision, I'm sure your friend will understand either way.

Rangergal9

I'm close to 36 weeks and couldn't imagine going to a wedding.  A couple of reasons why... my feet are so swollen that only one pair of clog type shoes that are 2 sizes bigger fit.. all my maternity clothes are getting too small... I wouldn't be able to sit comfortably... definitely no dancing.. I feel like I'd be a downer..lol  Just my opinion though!

mamam

Besides PTL, cerv shortening & bedrest, I was in so much pain at that point.  Also, I'd never find anything to wear.  Oh and they were born at 36 weeks exactly.

omalley

That is a tough on b/c you could feel ok at that point - there are many moms on here that were feeling great until the end...I was not one of them though.

At your point (28 weeks) I was still doing ok but I went on bedrest at 32 and then in the hospital at 35 and then delivered at 36.  So it is so hard to predict.

I would probably opt out and then if it turns out that you are not feeling too bad that day you can go to the church service and skip the reception. That way you can still be part of their special day.

meagamomma2be

There is always someone who cancels at the last minute.  Maybe you can respond no and then ask your friend to give you a call if anyone cancels.  If you are feeling good you can go, if not no worries.

keg

meagamomma2be:

There is always someone who cancels at the last minute.  Maybe you can respond no and then ask your friend to give you a call if anyone cancels.  If you are feeling good you can go, if not no worries.

I think this is a good idea as is the pp's of just going to the ceremony.  I'd definitely talk to your friend and let her know the situation and see what her thoughts are too. 

smeyer

At 29w I was still feeling ok.  By 31w, the bottom dropped out - my BP started to spike, I started to swell much more and I was getting awfully uncomfortable.  I developed full-blown pre-e and had to deliver at 33w1d.  

I'd tell your friend that you'd love to come but can't commit to a definite yes.  I'm sure she'd understand.  Who knows... maybe you could work something out like some of the above posters mentioned.      

dleigh81

At 36 weeks I wouldn't have had any fun at a wedding because my ankles were extremely swollen. GL in whatever you choose.

kimarino13

No way in hell.

newsbaby

omalley:

I would probably opt out and then if it turns out that you are not feeling too bad that day you can go to the church service and skip the reception. That way you can still be part of their special day.

This is what I would do and then also ask your doc. I am missing out on one of my BFFs weddings next week at 27 wks and I am devastated. My doc said not to risk it but then again mine involves much more travel than yours and I have a shortened cervix.  

Shelley-Bean

I would talk to the bride and let her know the situation.  The good thing is it's only a 10 minute taxi ride - if you need to leave early, no problem.  I guess I'm a little different - I'm 34 weeks tomorrow, and I would go.  I would wear flip flops with my 1 pair of dress pants that still fit me, but if she was a good friend, she wouldn't care what I wore.  The bride may say just go to the ceremony (I'm not sure how much money she would loose if you didn't show up).

I had to miss my BFF's wedding when I was 30 weeks, but it was in Ireland.  I was supposed to send my response card in at 24 weeks, and I called her up and let her know the situation.  She understood completely, and was able to put me down as a maybe, and didn't need to give the final count until closer to the date.  By 28 weeks, I knew there was no way I could sit on a plane and spend a week in Ireland. 

browneyedgrl4282

I would say probably not because at 36 weeks I was miserable and i ended up delivering. My waterbroke, i would hate for that to happen at someones wedding! kind of stealing their thunder so to speak. I would just tell your friend that you would love to come but since it in the end of your pregnancy you could go into labor at any given time.

MrsAMR

Thanks ladies.

I think I'm going to RSVP no. Unfortunately, I can't just go to the ceremony and not the reception since they're in the same location. Also, it's black tie so I can't wear just a pantsuit or something more comfortable than a nice dress and heels.

The response card goes to her parents so I'll also call her to explain. She knows when I'm due so I don't think it will be much of a surprise.

dleigh81

kimarino13:

No way in hell.

I was beating around the bush of what I was really thinking with my 1st reply. I change it to ^^^ THIS!^^^

blondek8

We had a wedding to go to when I was 37 weeks. We had to decline b/c I just couldn't do it. Too much swelling everywhere and uncomfortable-ness. There was no way I would have been able to fit into the mat dress I had bought for an earlier wedding and I wasn't about to go out to buy more mat clothes. Not to mention the only thing I could have worn on my feet at that point were crappy Old Navy flip flops. I still can't get my feet into anything but due to swelling. Ultimately your call and it's a tough one to make this many weeks out. I felt fine at 29 weeks but quickly declined after 30 weeks.

Excitedtostart

:delurking:

I got married this summer and we had 8 couples who were in various stages of pregnancy. Some told us outright that they couldn't come because they would need to travel, but for the closer friends I just called and talked to them. We got married in a hotel with a restaurant attached that served all of our entree's in some manner, so adding a few extra at the last minute was easy. I told them we wouldn't address it until 2 days before - just to make sure we had enough chairs - and that either way was awesome. This way they weren't counting them in the final tally, so if no one came we weren't charged. We tentatively planned tables including everyone, but by taking them out the tables weren't sparse. It was really quite easy and no stress for me or our reception contact. Event planners and reception halls deal with this all the time, it really should be easy to accommodate you. I told them that if they came we would be thrilled - and if they couldn't, we were thrilled because they were that much closer to having their babies! 

I would just call and talk to the bride - if she's receptive, maybe she's more stressed than I was - and see what's what. She likely will be pleased that even with all you are thinking about you thought of her. GL, and congrats to you and your friend! 

ETA: Our wedding was also black tie, but I told my two friends who were very expectant that anything they wanted to wear was fine by me! One was dressed in a very pretty formal mat dress with some pretty comfy looking crocs, and the other was in a black cotton sundress - very casual. I could have cared less what they wore - they were pregnant and still came. Talk to her and let that conversation guide you. Congratulations!!

:returns to lurking: 

sugardrive

tough tough decision, but i think i would stay home.  firstly, she should understand!  secondly, if you are as tired as i am now, you'll want to stay home.  

maybe you can just go to the important part-the ceremony. 

FaeryStarGazer

kimarino13:

No way in hell.

 

What she said. I wasn't even allowed to drive myself to the grocery store- forget about going to a wedding. 

Temp159135562506975

i felt pretty good at 36w - but there's no way i'd RSVP yes to a wedding long before I'd even knwo how i'd feel.  If anything I'd show up at her ceremony if i was feeling OK and allowed to get out of the house at all... but not go to the reception- that would NOT be fun at all at that point- even feeling good, sitting around in uncomfortable chairs = not fun.

amanda31H

No way.

Our friends were getting married at 37 weeks.  We RSVPd no because I thought I could have the babies (I did!), or I wouldn't be comfortable/find something to wear!  Our friends told us that if we changed our mind, to just show up!

Turns out we did have the babies!  DH did go for a couple of hours to get out of the house and have a drink with his friends.