6-year-old girl getting highlights...thoughts?? — The Bump
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6-year-old girl getting highlights...thoughts??

So yesterday we took dd for her first hair cut and the client after her was a  6-year-old getting highlights.  Our stylist (also a friend) told us before the girl came in and told us it wasn't her first time getting them.  I asked if she participated in pageants because it seems like something I'd see on Toddlers and Tiaras! The stylist said that she didn't think she was in pageants.  Dh and I were really surprised.  DH asked what kind of message that mom was sending to the little girl by letting her (or telling her) highlights were important in the first grade?  My concern was if this was going on at 6 what would be going on at 16? I realize highlights aren't the worst thing ever but it was still shocking to us. Maybe we're just getting really old but is this common? Would you let your 6-year-old get highlights???

On a really judgy side note when I saw the mom the highlights in a little girl started to make sense.  The mom (I would guess in her mid-late 30's) was wearing a pair of jeans with bebe written across the butt in rhinestones Indifferent  DH and I concluded there wouldn't be any highlights in the near future for dd or any rhinestones on my ass:)

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Re: 6-year-old girl getting highlights...thoughts??

  • No way on the highlights or the jeans. ;)  Even a perm should wait until at least 10, IMO (and these days I don't think perms are worth it all, but try proving that in the mid-80s, hee hee).  I'd say makeup after that, and highlights even after that...with the girl's own money if they're that important to her!

    It totally sends the wrong message that what she was born with isn't good enough.  If she wants to spray Sun In in her hair in elementary school, go for it.  Highlights certainly aren't plastic surgery, but for young children, I think the message is similar. :(

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  • I was reading this thinking "I bet the mom has rhinestones on her ass" I'm not even kidding. lol.

    I think it's wrong. There's a well-known (blech) blogger that has a beautiful daughter and she photoshops her eyebrows in every photo she posts of her. That child is TWO.

    Having worked in residential treatment for Eating Disorders, I can honestly say there was a LOT of correlation between the mom's desire for perfection, and how that manifested into their daughters. I did photos for a family once and the mom certainly had the appearance of disordered eating (and now "knowing" her on FB, she does) and that SIX YR OLD DAUGHTER was trying to correct me on what angle she looked skinnest in, and not to shoot her from below b/c it would make her face look fat. She was six.

    Those girls watch their moms. We have to be VERY careful what message we're sending!

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  • My mom let me get highlights in 7th grade, for my 13th birthday.  That sounds young when I say it right now, but it felt fine at the time.  I am sure I would do something similar for Paige.  NEVER earlier than that, though!! Goodness!!
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  • I really try to be in the "never say never" camp...but I am pretty sure my husband would divorce me if I took G to get highlights at 6.....

    I have several issues with this.  Messaging about beauty, self esteem, etc.  Value of money (how much do highlights for a 6 year old cost?-- I can hardly afford to get my own hair done).  And...it can't be healthy to be exposed to chemicals like that for a 6 year old.

    I had red hair growing up (still do but it has gotten much lighter over the years) and I HATED it.  When I first learned about "Sun In" when I was 12 or 13 I BEGGED to use it and my mom told me she would ground me if I ever used it.  

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  • I used to work in a salon and have watched a 3(almost4) yr old get highlights. Lets just say this was all about what the mom wants. The child cried 80% of the time. I am sure the mom felt judged since none of us could keep the look of discust off our face. I don't have a daughter but if I did I would say 13 is old enough for highlights or hair dye. Of course Halloween, is diffrent. I would let my 2yr old make his hair blue if he seemed inclined, but not on a regular basis. 
  • I can't imagine even considering highlights for DD that young! I know girls are growing up faster and faster (which scares me!!) but there are some things that are non-negotiable to me.

    DH's niece has been shaving her legs since she was about 7-8 and wearing a full on bra before that (she's as thin as a rail... she's now 11 and is nowhere near needing a bra). I don't get it. We don't spend too much time with them for many other reasons, but partly because I don't want her to influence DD in any way!!

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  • No way, no how...just on principal

    And at that young of an age, they are still growing and changing every single day, I wouldn't want to miss out on seeing any of those changes, even just in their hair, by covering anything up or changing anything....if that makes sense

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  • Wow.  I'm not sure what she thinks she is teaching her 6 year old, but that little girl is going to have a complex.  She's going to be wearing makeup soon too and also is going to go through life thinking that she HAS to have both to feel good about herself.  Awful.
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  • No way am I letting DD get highlights until she is at least 13...and then she will have to earn the money to get them done, and I won't be suggesting it.  My mother never let me dye my hair when I wanted to, so I will let DD after she turns 13 if she brings it up, but 6 is WAY too young.
  • Wow.  I think it's sad.  Playing with "hair mascara" for a special dress up party at age 6?  Great.  Actual salon highlights?  Gross.

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  • Totally skeeves me out!
  • Absolutely not on either account (highlights or jeans)...I wasn't even thinking about high lights when I was a kid. The first time I did anything with my hair I was 10 and had a perm, but my parents made me pay for it myself. I haven't had my hair permed since.

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  • I know a family who does it. Well, the daughter is in 2nd grade, which makes her around 7 or 8? I think that is really young.
  • I have a 6 year old and there is NO way in HELL I would let her get highlights right now. She needs to be focusing on learning to read, and school rather than her looks!!

    I think in the tweens its okay- but not at 6! 


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  • Maybe....maybe...in middle school.  Not a day before.
  • So...here's the thing.  I was in the Never, Ever club on this issue.  DH's little cousin had highlights at 8 and I was shocked!  I went on and on about it to a few friends.  I wasn't allowed to see PG-13 movies until I was 13, no make-up until I was older and didn't get highlights for the first time until I was 22. 

    However, if they were doing those natural, wash out highlights (which isn't what DH's cousin had) that wouldn't damage her hair and she really, really wanted them, I would let my 7 or 8 year old.  I'm more vocal on words written across the tush or short skirts, bare midriffs, putting holes in yourself at 12 and tattoos.  

    I worked for a retailer that served the Tween girls.  There were several outfits I wouldn't dream of letting my daughter wear.  I want her to enjoy being a kid.  I want her to feel like she didn't grow up too fast.  I wasn't a girly -girl.  But my sister was.  And my sister's niece just went to this "organic" salon and had highlights (lil girl is 6 and 3/4 if you ask her) put in two weeks ago.  Honestly, I couldn't even tell you what looks different.  They are plant based and wash out quickly.  But, my sister's SIL (who I respect a great deal) made the point that a number of the competition cheerleaders on her squad had them, so this was her "acceptable" alternative.  She can't get her ears pierced until she's 12, wear makeup until she's 13 (not even for competition, where the coaches fight the mom on it) and other rules.  So this was just the battle she wasn't going to pick.  It was something her DD wanted and the mom felt it wasn't life altering.  

    My Mom never had her hair dyed.  My daughter will never (God willing) know her Mommy without highlights.  She may want to "do what Mommy does".  My Mom let my lil sis paint her nails when she was 3 b/c she always watched Mommy do it and wanted to be like Mommy.  So, I agree we should watch what we say and realize the implications of our attitudes, comments and choices have on our daughters.  However, the jeans are going to be a No go in this house Big Smile

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  • Totally ridiculous!

     This just got me thinking: do you listen to 95.5??? Mojo was discussing this stuff the other morning because there was a mom who took her daughter to get waxed (eyebrows and upper lip....) at the age of 7......so then they got into a big discussion about highlights, waxing, make-up, etc. at young ages.

    I obviously don't have a DD, but there is no way at 6 years old she would be getting primped like that!


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  • I have a 5 year old student who not only has highlights but 3 different colors. Red tint, her regular brown and blonde.  Her mom is a stylist and dyes her daughters hair all the time. 
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  • i agree with your DH--i think that sends a screwed-up message about the importance of physical appearance to take your 6-year-old for highlights!
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  • A giant NO! When she can pay for them and maintain them , ( 25-30yo), then it would be fine with me :-)  And she really should be wearing them with her rhinestoned jeans!

    On the other hand I have friends who have had their hair highlighted so as to look more like their children. ie lots of highlights when her daughters hair was really light.  Mom got tired of being asked "where did she get the blond hair from"  so mom went more blond in hopes it would stop the questions.

  • imagelaura&dan05:

    Would you let your 6-year-old get highlights???

    No way!  I'm actually pretty appalled at this!  Sad what this world has come to (for some people)...

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  • I'd like to know if this little girl asked for the highlights, or if her mom insisted on them.  B/c the first thing that comes to mind in the 2nd scenario is, what if she is SO not a girly-girl?  It's not fair to force your own idea of beuaty onto a child.  Let her decide who she wants to be, and how she wants to look.  My sister is a butch lesbian (her term) and my mom tried a bit (not hardcore, thank goodness) to get her to be/look more "feminine"...it never felt natural for my sister, so i feel bad that she had to go through that.  Pretty sure my mom feels bad about it too, now.
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  • I think it is really disgusting. The poor girl and the message it sends to her. Ugh - she has the rest of her life trying to live up to society's ideals of beauty. She can't just be a child and not worry about her hair? As I just finished a small salad for dinner to lose these freaking 10 pounds to fit back into my $150 jeans, I feel sorry for that little girl : (
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