sad and confused (PG mentioned) — The Bump
Adoption

sad and confused (PG mentioned)

So...I'm feeing aweful and feeling like a terrible person so I need somewhere to share.  A very very close relative of mine has been struggling with IF for about 6 years.  Shortly after she and her DH completed testing and started working with an RE, my DH and I started that same process.  We opted not to pursue ART at that time but she did and had many disappointments and MC's etc.  We both moved on to adoption research.  We have since adopted our gorgeous DS and feel that every moment was worth it.  She had a failed match, a few struggles with foster-to-adopt and then took her break from it all and eventually went back to her RE.  She was still open to adoption but ehr DH wasn't and just last week she called to say that she is now 12 weeks PG.  I was amazingly happy for her and also felt odd inside and didn't know why.  Yesterday my period started and for the first time in about a year I actually had thought that it might be my turn since I had no pre-AF symptoms and ALWAYS do.  Now I feel sad and alone.  I feel like the worst person EVER to be saying that because I am truly happy for her but it's almost like I'm grieving the loss of the only person IRL that I felt could relate....even as I type this I know it makes no sense but I needed and outlet or my poor DH will never get his optimistic wife back.  Combine that with stress resulting from my DH expecting to be laid off within the next week or two and I'm a wreck!  I could use hugs...virtual or otherwise...and prayers

Re: sad and confused (PG mentioned)

  • {{hugs}}

    I think it is natural to always have a twinge of sadness for something that seems out of reach (that is how I have seen it in the past), so don't be too hard on yourself. You have a lot of stress right now--best to your DH!  I have had these feelings in the past when people easily get pregnant, been trying for years/stopped treatment and bam, pregnant, but it passes and this will for you as well.  Love your little DS and your DH, as I am sure you do.  

     {{hugs}}

    *Tef*
  • I know what you mean. I've got friends who had IF problems just like me and then amazingly out of no where they get pregnant. I'm truly happy for them but then again I wish I still had that IF relationship with them. It sucks that I probably won't get to experience a biological child of my own. We are still waiting for our angel through adoption. We have a match but she's still in her first trimester so it will be a while. I just pray that she doesn't change her mind when it comes time.  I still struggle every day with loss even though technically I've never had one. Never been pregnant even when I wanted it so bad. I'm sure we will probably never get over IF even if we adopt all the children in the world, but know that we have or will have more love than we can handle. I don't know if what I'm saying makes sense either. Just know that I understand where you are coming from. Let's try and keep our heads up! :)
  • Loading the player...
  • Hugs. Prayers are with you.
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • Please do not be so hard on yourself.  Everything that you are feeling is totally natural.  It does not make you a bad person to want those things for yourself.  I think all of the loss that comes with infertility are intense and all-consuming.  We all should let oursleves off the hook for feelings of jealousy and resentment.   Hang in there!
  • ((HUGS))

    What you're feeling is perfectly normal and nothing to feel bad about. This was a person you could share a unique experience with, and now she gets to experience something you can't at this time. It's not always going to feel good. But it will gett better.

  • Hugs....

    I think that empty and wanting feel can surprise us when we least expect it.
    I don't really have a huge desire to have a biochild but occasionally those pangs hit.  I think it's just one of those things we'll always carry with us.

    image Best friends and sisters... 24 months and 16 months
  • *Hugs*

    I think you're totally normal to be feeling the way you do.

    After 2years TTC and 1yr,2mo waiting for an adoption match, our blessing is here!

    "You may not have my eyes or smile, but from that very first moment you had my heart"Lilypie Second Birthday tickers

    Surprise BFP made our family complete!
    Lilypie Maternity tickers
  • It's hard sometimes when those feeling rear their ugly heads when their least expected too. It's nothing that several of us have felt at one time or another (if they've dealt with IF). Don't be hard on yourself, it's OK to be happy for her and sad for you at the same time.
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • Prayers for you!!   In April of this year, I cycled with two of my close friends with IF.  They both got pregnant and are expecting babies in December.  I had the same feelings that you are experiencing.  Like everyone else said, this is normal and we just allow the feelings to happen and then we move on.  I've had some really hurtful things said to me by my now pregnant friends so I hope that doesn't happen in your case.   Hugs to you!!
    TTC #1 since 12/07 SA 9/08=borderline normal HSG 1/09 found R tube blocked Multiple IUIs both with oral and injectible drugs from 2/09-2/11 Started domestic adoption process in 5/10, homestudy complete 9/10 Failed adoption after home with baby for 2 weeks 11/10 Blessed through the miracle of private adoption with a son, born 6/6/11 (his grandma's bday) 7lbs 9oz 20.5 inches long! So worth the wait!
  • *hugs*

    Just remember when it's hard like this, that God never gives us more than we can handle, and that he has a great plan for you, and that may or may not involve a biological child, but have faith that he will not leave you unfulfilled. One way or another your heart will be full.... :)))) I wish you great luck and baby dust!!

This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards