know whats rad? Turning your back on miscarriage

robbie3982

JennyTom:

I really don't think expressing my opinion makes me immature, but feel free to disagree all you want.  I've also experienced a loss and it definitely broadened my perspective about pregnancy.

I'm done arguing about this.

Expressing an opinion like, you are saying I don't love my baby as much as you do is immature.  Extremely. 

I didn't say you don't love your baby as much as I do...I said it sounded like that's what your argument was saying.

JennyTom

Which is extremely immature. 

mrs pH

suntoto:

mrs pH:

I'm really sorry for your past loss and your difficulties to get pregnant.  I understand what you are saying and no, I don't personally know what it feels like. But I do have a close friend, who after 6 years, is finally pregnant. So no, this doesn't make me an expert and again, I don't KNOW what it feels like, but I do know how it feels to be pregnant and I can only imagine how horrible I would feel if I were to lose a baby. 

AND AGAIN... MY POINT.... which has nothing to do with loss.... It doesn't matter how long or how you conceive a child, the point is, we're all having babies... No matter how quickly or how long it took us to get to this point, we're all hoping to have a happy and healthy nine months with a very healthy baby (or babies) in the end.  I don't think someone is better than someone by the means they got pregnant.  Sorry, if you don't agree with this.... But having a baby is having a baby. 

All I want to do is cuss at you.  You know why?  B/c you are so ignorant about who you are talking to.  We are NOT all having babies, you twit.  Some of us are still in the HOPING to have a baby stage, and granted some of us have been trying a hell of a lot longer than you.  Please learn to read and comprehend what is typed to you.  

First of all, the bolded is referred to those who are pregnant on the May 2011 board.... and not the entire Bump Community. Sorry to offend if you think I meant everyone posts on the bump.

suntoto:

You are an insensitive twat.  Seriously.  You know what, I am "one of those"  I got KU first try in 2007 only to m/c 11 weeks later.  After 2 years of IF,  I got KU again in Feb, only to loose the baby and my right tube.  It isn't b/c we haven't been trying, because after more than 3 years we have been TRYING very hard, and it isn't b/c we don't want kids, but it is b/c my reproductive system sucks.  YOUR comments ARE soooo out of line.  Grr understands the hardships and you DON'T so BACK off, you insensitive twat, just back off.

Thank you for the name calling. You have truly made my day. I love being called a tw@t.

Second... DO NOT JUDGE ME..... You have no idea what any one person on this board has gone through so for you to come here and start name calling and act like you know what's going on with me or anyone else for that matter.... YOU'RE out of line.

I didn't judge ANY of the girls who have come on this board and have had troubles.  ALL I EVER SAID... You shouldn't put down how long it takes for someone to conceive.  That is all. I'm sorry for your troubles... I truly am but please don't put me down because I haven't been through what have been through.

 

robbie3982

JennyTom:

Which is extremely immature. 

So, reading a meaning other than what you intended from your post is immature? 

JennyTom

You know the sad thing?  10% to 25% of us aren't going to be pregnant after the first trimester.  So, even just saying it to the May 2011 moms... well... we won't all be having babies. 

You can't know what something is like until you go through it unfortunately.  I know I didn't and I think each loss, each month of IF has made me a different person.  It has made me stonger, deeper and more spiritual than before.. more compassionate when I need to be and more capable of feeling empathy when I should.  The only thing I would change that for is for those babies back. 

JennyTom

robbie3982:

JennyTom:

Which is extremely immature. 

So, reading a meaning other than what you intended from your post is immature? 

No.  Saying something like what you said makes you immature.

I'm all about having discourse and understanding other peoples point of view.  But when you read a post and totally miss the point altogether and say something as ridiculously off base as what you did, and then keep trying to defend it is, in my view, immature.  You are reacting from your own perspective of not having gone through IF.  Just as the loss of your prior pregnancy, just as the birth of your child makes your pregnancy more profound and changes your perspective, so does IF. 

Feel free to disagree. 

ksiebert1974

JennyTom:

Yes, that is EXACTLY what I'm saying.. I love my baby more than you love yours.. na na na na na na.

Listen / read very carefully what I said.  Losing a child that you have been trying for a long time to have is different than losing a child you didn't have to try very hard for.  Not better, not worse, but different.  It just is. 

Same thing as expecting a baby... with my first pregnancy I assumed that double lines = baby.  And I was VERY FORTUNATE in that case it did.  I have a healthy beautiful 5 year old that I cherish every day.

But when you have gone through IF, or losses, it's not just a baby.  It's the time you spend injecting yourself with medications that make you feel crazy and the intense pain of seeing AF month after empty month after empty month.  It's draining your bank account to fund your dream.  It's the pain you feel thinking about the baby you held in your arms that didn't make a noise and praying to God you never ever have to experience that again.  The meaning of that baby is not just a baby... it's a whole lot more of your life experiences that you have been living around the dream of having a baby than having a random roll in the hay with your DH and look what happened!  Not that the baby is loved more.  Love has nothing to do with it.  If that is all that was needed, we would all get pregnant on the first try and have healthy babies.   

Saying something like "you think you love your baby more than i love mine and that's wrong" is very immature and small minded. 

I can say one thing for IF and loss.. it sure has broadened my perspective and you could use a little.

 

I think this is by far the most eloquent, mature, clear way of explaining this that I have EVER seen.  Bravo.  Beautiful job.  I read these discussions over and over and over again.  I never jump in because it's just not my style to argue over the internet, but every once in a while, something strikes me and I just have to comment.

I get it, really I do.  I struggled for 2-1/2 years and spent close to $20K to concieve a baby only to lose it 9 weeks later and I absolutely could not believe the devestation I felt - you mean all that time, tears, money, anxiety, hope...down the drain?  Yep, that's right.  That being said, I don't begrudge people that don't get it.  If anything, I'm JEALOUS of them.  I wish I didn't get it, because that would mean I had not been through it.  To me, that is the only way you really can get it.  It really bothers me when I see women that don't get it get attacked and berated and called names because it just does nothing to help them understand.  This, while it didn't seem to acomplish the goal with at least one poster, is exactly what I've been thinking.

BabyMimi

iris427:

ColindaP:

mrs pH:

I'm referring to length of time it takes for one to get pregnant.... that doesn't matter to whether you have lost a baby or not... And in NO WAY am I defending the OP but the bottom line is her comment is not relevant to the OP's issue.  Sorry, still think her comment is out of line... the same way as OP announced she was leaving......

ETA: Clarification

I hope, for your sake, that you always have such a naive viewpoint lacking in nuance. Because that will mean you never have to deal with the special hell of trouble TTC + loss. Or recurrent loss. Or IF + loss. But even so, it doesn't take a genius to understand that having a stillborn child, struggling with infertility for 2 years after that, then getting pregnant again and miscarrying, is NOT the same grief - even remotely - as having one miscarriage after getting pregnant on the first cycle.

Mrs pH, I have to agree with Colinda here.  I'm someone who is lucky--pure dumb luck--to get pregnant easily.  I got pregnant by accident with my daughter who is beautiful and healthy.  I got pregnant twice more on the first try.  One of those pregnancies ended in miscarriage and it sucked hardcore but you know what?  It didn't suck as much as it would have if I'd never had a healthy child before and didn't know I would most likely conceive again easily soon.  I can't imagine the pain of going through IF treatments, getting a BFP and then having a loss and not knowing if you will ever get to have a healthy baby.

A baby is a baby and a loss is a loss.  But becoming a mother is a journey, and some of us have harder journeys than others. 

Dear Iris,

 I love you forever and ever and I just might have to quote you in my siggy from now on. 

CarrieLeigh84

OMG. This post is so full of awesome I don't know what to do with myself.

Iris, JennyTom, I have new girl crushes. 

There is just so much more to say, and so many people to comment on, but it's almost a waste of time. Truth is, if you haven't been affected by loss, you're on the outside looking in. Just how those of us who have experienced loss don't get your point of view. I wish desperately I were one of you and had that innocence, and truly believed that I will be taking home a baby in May. 

But I'm not. 2 losses have changed that. That's the hand I was dealt, and that's what I'll live with. I will not, however, turn my back on other women who have been through the same. And that right there was/is the core reason for this post.

boobytrap

this post is absolutely ridiculous.  you are all off your rockers (1. for the sh!tty comments and 2. for the people entertainin them and keep this going).

you all need something better to do.

 

JennyTom

I'm assuming you are including yourself in #2?  And in the whole "needing something better to do"... Yes?

Zed58

 

If only it were that easy.  M/C would just magically go away and no longer be a concern just by turning your back on those who've had one.  If I would have known that, I would have tried that last time around. 

suntoto

mrs pH:

suntoto:

mrs pH:

I'm really sorry for your past loss and your difficulties to get pregnant.  I understand what you are saying and no, I don't personally know what it feels like. But I do have a close friend, who after 6 years, is finally pregnant. So no, this doesn't make me an expert and again, I don't KNOW what it feels like, but I do know how it feels to be pregnant and I can only imagine how horrible I would feel if I were to lose a baby. 

AND AGAIN... MY POINT.... which has nothing to do with loss.... It doesn't matter how long or how you conceive a child, the point is, we're all having babies... No matter how quickly or how long it took us to get to this point, we're all hoping to have a happy and healthy nine months with a very healthy baby (or babies) in the end.  I don't think someone is better than someone by the means they got pregnant.  Sorry, if you don't agree with this.... But having a baby is having a baby. 

All I want to do is cuss at you.  You know why?  B/c you are so ignorant about who you are talking to.  We are NOT all having babies, you twit.  Some of us are still in the HOPING to have a baby stage, and granted some of us have been trying a hell of a lot longer than you.  Please learn to read and comprehend what is typed to you.  

First of all, the bolded is referred to those who are pregnant on the May 2011 board.... and not the entire Bump Community. Sorry to offend if you think I meant everyone posts on the bump.

suntoto:

You are an insensitive twat.  Seriously.  You know what, I am "one of those"  I got KU first try in 2007 only to m/c 11 weeks later.  After 2 years of IF,  I got KU again in Feb, only to loose the baby and my right tube.  It isn't b/c we haven't been trying, because after more than 3 years we have been TRYING very hard, and it isn't b/c we don't want kids, but it is b/c my reproductive system sucks.  YOUR comments ARE soooo out of line.  Grr understands the hardships and you DON'T so BACK off, you insensitive twat, just back off.

Thank you for the name calling. You have truly made my day. I love being called a tw@t.

Second... DO NOT JUDGE ME..... You have no idea what any one person on this board has gone through so for you to come here and start name calling and act like you know what's going on with me or anyone else for that matter.... YOU'RE out of line.

I didn't judge ANY of the girls who have come on this board and have had troubles.  ALL I EVER SAID... You shouldn't put down how long it takes for someone to conceive.  That is all. I'm sorry for your troubles... I truly am but please don't put me down because I haven't been through what have been through.

I will judge you if your actions and posts are totally offensive, as they were.  You can't stop that, b/c you are not in charge of anyone on here but yourself.  As for being out of line, no honey, that was you who was sorely out of line.  Each and every experience to a child is DIFFERENT, something you don't seem to understand as you are the one who was uber offensive with your "don't knock how long or how little she has gone through to get KU" statement.  I will "put you down" when you say something truly offensive to MANY women.  When you do something like that you open your self up to such criticisms. If you don't want them, then don't say the offensive stuff you said- simple as that.   

Based on your responses on here you haven't been affected by loss, and you're on the outside looking in on to the pain and heartache that goes with this type of thing.