How to handle Playground Drama......(got long, sorry)

DandR

My first grader is a VERY emotional girl.  Like borderline bi-polar mixed with all the dramz of being a girl (kidding! only a little). 

its just her personality. (My other two, are NOTHING like this...so I know its not something I did!  LOL)

It drives me crazy because I tend to be a "get over it" type person.  But I TRY to show some empathy to understand her....gah.

ANYWAYS---this year.....she is having problems with her BFF.  I'm not a fan of her BFF...she is rude and a bit of a bully and I'm not even kidding when I say she dresses and acts promiscuously for a 7 year old....not intentionally, her mom is the same way...so maybe its more that I don't like the mom.  BFF is in a different classroom this year so the only time they see each other is occasionally before school and then on the playground.

So, every day DD comes home and is in tears because

A. BFF didn't want to play with her during recess, she wanted to chase the boys.

B. BFF didn't want to play with her, she wanted to play with a different girl, and they wouldn't let my DD play with them.

C. BFF wanted to play with her, and ONLY her and kept pulling her arm away from her other friends, so she couldn't play with her other friends.

D. BFF was nice to her in the morning before school, but then was mean to her on the playground.

And occasionally a non-BFF story is in there along the lines of "boy kicked a ball into my stomach and didn't apologize!"  or "Boy told other boy to hit me, but he didn't!" etc, etc, etc.

etc, etc, etc....there is always a story and it usually revolves around BFF and recess.

I've tried to give advise along the lines of "play with other friends." or "find a game that everyone can agree to and play that." "its not nice to not include people, so work it out so everyone can get along" etc, etc, etc.

Soooooo--WWYD?  I'm half tempted to ask the teacher if she's noticed anything on the playground, because I partially think DD is seeking some attention with these stories and maybe I should just be ignoring her.  About half the time, the tears and stories come after she is getting in trouble for being mean to her brother or sister..."But I had a HORRIBLE day at school, mom!"  which I follow with "go to your room and you can tell me about your horrible day later."........So, is she being mean to her brother and sister because someone was mean to her?  or is the story coming up to "attempt" to get out of getting in trouble (she still gets in trouble for whatever she did).....

 

Sammysu

I first wanted to say that I am sorry that you are going through this. This must be very stressfull and frustrating for you. I was in a similar situation a few years back with my DD#1. It sounds like she has learned to switch the situation from herself when she is in trouble at home. That is not good. If what she is saying is really happening at school then I would address these issues with the the teacher as well as maybe calling the school councelor and getting some advise on the best way to handle this situation. They should have some good tips for you. I think the two issues with her behavior at home and the school issues that she is bringing up should be dealt with seperately so that she doesnt think that she can switch the situation when she doesnt want to get in trouble. Of course, remind her that you are always there for her and will listen to her but not on those terms of only when she gets in trouble. Maybe not said exactly like that, but along those lines. I hope that this gets nipped in the butt soon and all can move forward from this

ccm1203

I would mention it to the teacher, ask if she has noticed anything and to look out for it and let you know if she sees something.  She could be trying to get you to feel bad for her when she is getting in "trouble".

neverblushed

I think your instincts on this are probably right -- that this is 50% caused by dealing with a sensitive/emotional kid who is going through normal kid friend issues and 50% caused by a kid who is playing up all the "tragedies" in her day in hopes of getting you to pity her.

Whatever the reason, I think your handling of it is spot on.  Let her know that you support her and validate her feelings ("BFF isn't being a very good friend to you, is she?") but letting her know that these problems and their solutions lie squarely within her control and are not your problems ("if you don't like how she's treating you, find someone else to play with; meanwhile you still need to go to your room for calling your brother names, etc.")  My son tends to be a bit of a drama-llama as well, and I find that when I allow him to lure me into handling his issues in any way that's too sympathetic and emotional, he just gets more stressed out and dramatic about it.  When I respond by saying, "I'm sure whatever happens, you'll handle it fine.  I have total confidence in you," he snaps out of it.

I think the underlying question behind your question is "Is my DD's behavior still considered 'normal' or should I be worried about this?"  I feel like her responses are normal for a sensitive, emotional kid, and that your handling of it will help her learn to keep things in perspective and give her confidence that she doesn't have to be a slave to hurt feelings on the playground every day.